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An article dedicated to Drea Weiss
|by Loy Machedo|
(An article dedicated to Drea Weiss who requested this article and brought out the creativity in me)
He grabbed me by the collar. His grip was really tight. I could feel the shirt tightening around my neck.
And then the popular head boy of our school and the class monitor Nishad told me in the most sincere tone - Loy, don’t. You know that he will smash you if you even try to fight him….
In a split second I thought about it. For some reason ... This was one of those rare moments where my brain would process information really fast and yes, for my better ment…..I realized, what was told me was in fact the truth. I was clearly never going to beat him. At least in the muscle man fighter game….
I loosened my grip over his hand. I relaxed my shoulders. And he with a sense of pride and achievement of being the Alpha male, let go of my collar with a victorious sarcastic grin written all over him. And a victory walk and a big fan group admiring, his triumph over another loser in the class room.
I hated myself. Simply hated myself.
Couldn’t I stand up against him? Couldn’t I just do something? Couldn’t I do anything?
Suku Sudhakaran - my childhood school mate - one of the biggest influences of my life was also my Achilles heel throughout my school life. At every single moment, I would have a scuffles with him and he coming out victorious. He made no secret of his utter dislike for me. And I guess I too didn’t leave anything to chance
An all time well rounded athlete, he was the true bred alpha male. And I was his part time entertainment. He did all sorts of stuff…
I guess the only revenge I ever took against him was when he once smashed eggs on my back, while playing football, and then out of anger I came back to the empty class room angry. I dug into his backpack, found a nice new pair of sun glasses (which even today I found out of taste actually) and I scratched his sun glasses thoroughly by rubbing them on the ground. And when he returned back and found them damaged, he looked around and asked….
He tried complaining to the teacher of the following class, Mrs. Pereria our English teacher, who for the most odd reasons openly stated that I was at fault..not him. He even came home to complain to my step-father who for once in his life supported me and threatened to call the police if he even came to the house to complain against me.
That was me... many years ago. Many many many years ago
That was me 49 kgs ago. 14 years later…..
Body building, excessive eating and consistent physical activity of muscle building made me grow into a 110 kgs over sized guy. By sheer chance I managed to get hold of a school friend who gave me Suku’s number. I called him up
Trust me I was nervous…though I was 30 year old…
And I asked myself….This guy used to beat me???
I wanted to meet him. Not to harm him or fight him….
To be honest, it did feel good to know that yes I was the victim and now I was super strong and big…. I walked feeling a wee bit superior…But that was short lived….
One day on Facebook again….
And when I dug deep, I realized yes, Bloody hell…..I too was a bully! I did beat up these boys for no reason. I did hit others for no reason. I did push my weight around……
And for the strangest time in my life I honestly felt ashamed. I mean, I used to think I was always a good guy. Now here was a friend of mine who reminded me, that no, I was the bully in his life….
I most sincerely apologized to him. I really did…
While he just laughed it off and told me I was a special memory in his life…. I reflected and thought….How many times are we the victim knowingly?
I thought about Suku and realized with he being my bully, he actually blessed my life, make me stronger, sharper and smarter. Made me realize life was not all that great and I had to be competitive. He made me better and pushed me to be even more better.
And as far as my role as a bully goes, I guess I got what I deserved in my latter years …..a bully even better, bolder and badder.
So as far as my bully goes, I am glad I had one.
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05/01/2011 10:40 AM
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