When you go to a movie and in the intermission you meet an acquaintance whose opening line to you is "Hey what you doing here?' How in the world do you answer that question?.
Of course I am here to pay my overdue tax returns and grovel in front of the officer for reducing my fine and letting me keep atleast some part of my paycheck so that I can use it as a collateral for a loan to tide me over the month. Watch the movie??? naah .... Wont I go to the tax office to watch a movie ..... silly
People when vacuuming the carpet come across this obstinate piece of a string/paper which simply refuses to let go to rest in the warmth of the vacuum cleaner, no matter what they do to it, they bend down joints creaking, loosen it up and try again ... to no avail. I wonder why for heavens sake cant you pick it up with your hand, why does it HAVE to become a battle of wits between you and that piece. Just pick it up and put it in the bin .. but NO .. you HAVE to use the vacuum cleaner for it.
When you see a new carton of cereal in the store. The same cereal you have been having for the major part of your life. Only this time the carton says "New and Improved", what the hell does that mean? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it and so what you have been eating all your life just wasn't there. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something wrong with it before and you have been eating something, which you shouldn't have been eating in the first place. Makes you wonder doesn't it?
People who are willing to get off their butts to search every nook and cranny of the whole goddamn room, shift furniture and whatever for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
People who call on the phone at 4.30 in the morning and ask 'Did I wake you up'. Oh no!!! You didn't, I am usually up at this hour cutting out my paper dolls.
The phrase "You can't have your cake and eat it too". Now tell me one thing? Why in the world would I go out and buy or steal or beg for a goddamn cake and NOT be able to eat it?
People who stop besides you as you are soaking wet, drenched to the skin in the rain and say "It's raining isn't it '.Rain?? What rain ?? NO it's NOT raining.. I am this way coz I forgot to
take my clothes off when I took the shower this morning.
People who ask, "Can I ask you a question?" DO you REALLY give me a choice here, what do you want me to say "Buddy you already asked me one "
Another variation to this is someone coming up to you and saying, 'Can I ask you a quick question'. The question sure is a quick one, but the bugging thing is that the answer takes about half and hour.
People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. Pal, Thank you very much but I know where my watch is. YOU don't have to show me. Come-on!!!!! Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
Now folks I am a very calm and collected person, don't usually get rattled by these trivial things it's just sometimes that I loose my &#&*# top at these people with their ^@&*&@(@*^@) habits and their &^*&##& AND I GET BUGGED
Note: The author is still recuperating from a nervous breakdown and has written this article from his hospital bed.