Apr 24, 2024
Apr 24, 2024
1990 – I was 19 years old living with my parents, two sisters and grandfather in New Delhi. We were an average middle class family with sufficient income to lead a respectable life, but without the cushion of luxury. We shared a three bedroom house: one room was occupied by my parents, the second room by my sisters and the third room I shared with my grandfather. At that time, my grandfather was 75years old and I was studying towards a C.A
I had a habit of studying till midnight and I could notice my grandfather’s discomfort due to the lights that I would keep on till late night. Always at the top of my class, I wanted to ensure that I kept that position. I was not comfortable staying with my grandfather in the same room. He could barely sleep due to his poor health, and, as a result, I was constantly disturbed. My grandfather was very weak and unable to walk on his own and it was my job to escort him to the washroom, whenever necessary. In Delhi, summers are cruel, with temperatures in the upper 40’s. My grandfather, however, was not able to endure the high speed fan, the air-cooler was out of question. I would often complain to my parents about the problems and irritations of staying in same room with my grandfather, but of no use. The simple truth was that we were not in a position to afford a bigger house with a separate room for me. Frustrated, I acted out my emotions by cursing my grandfather - sometimes to his face.
1993 – With the passage of time, my grandfather’s health deteriorated to such a point where he was not able to rise from his bed unaided. We had to carry him to the washroom to attend to his daily routine. As the eldest son, it was my responsibility to help him when he needed to use the facilities and wash himself. Sometime I would get frustrated standing outside the washroom door and shout for him to hurry. He would reply, begging me to please be patient. The most disgusting part was to help him clean and wash. Heartlessly, I would pinch my nose before entering the washroom. I was frustrated with my life and could no longer bear it. In fact, everyone in the house was frustrated, because he was not keeping well and we had to spend a lot of money on his medicines. This was money with which we could have lived a more comfortable life.
I did not have any more patience left to sleep under a slow fan in the sweltering summers. No more patience to continuously hear the snoring and coughing sounds of the infirm. I was in the final year of my studies and I used the excuse of exams to somehow convince my parents into letting me move out of the house. I rented an apartment with a friend for the exam period. During those weeks, I felt like I had actually started living my life. We partied daily, late into the night. What a relief it was. I never turned back to see how my family was managing with my grandfather. Even on my brief visits home, I ensured no more nights with my grandfather. I would go during day time and make sure to return by evening. Armed with the arrogance of my youth, I marched forward, never looking back.
2010 – I am a successful professional living in a posh locality with my wife and two children. Our life is ideal – my handsome son is 5 years old and my precious daughter is a toddler. We are lucky to have happy kids - they are so lively and precocious that they have become everyone’s darlings. I will never forget the first time I held my son in my arms after his birth – the pride I felt was unlike any feeling I have ever experienced. Like all parents, my wife and I strive to give them the best that life has to offer. I count myself as a good father and son. My parents live a short distance from my home and I meet them almost every weekend. In addition, I do my best to help them financially.
Although our home has three bedrooms, my family and I like to sleep together in one room. Despite the small discomforts of fitting four people in one bed, we love it. Due to my busy schedule, I have very little time with my kids. For this reason, I do not want to waste a moment of being with them, even if it is while they are sleeping. I remember last year June when my little princess was ill, I could not sleep for the whole week till she was perfectly healthy again. Even though it was extremely hot, we could not switch on the fan because of her fevers. She would start shivering even with the slow speed of fan. Never once did I notice the oppressive heat. Whatever the difficulty as parents, we can endure anything for our children.
My son is a funny guy - an extrovert. Right from his birth, his looks had the impression of my grandfather. Even until today, everyone comments on my son’s strong resemblance with him. Lovingly I call him ‘Dad’, a nickname I held for my grandfather. That day he woke up at 7:00am, gave me a tight hug, and went to the washroom for his early morning routine. My wife was cooking breakfast and asked me to look after him. Just to tease him, I called from outside the washroom “Dad do it fast!” He laughed and said “Darling son, wait, I’m not done yet”. I was stunned into silence: the voice was different. I ran and opened the washroom door and found my grandfather sitting there, smiling. I froze, speechless, horrified, with tears in my eyes.
For the next 3 days, I shut myself in a room and cried. All the memories of my grandfather played like a film in front of my eyes. I now happily endure oppressive, airless nights for the sake of my daughter, when once I was not willing to bear them for the sake of my grandfather. The same coughing sounds from my children pull at my heart, but from my grandfather it sounded like a prison. Washing my little son, it is the same foul smell, but I relish this fleeting time with my little ones. In the same situation for my grandfather, I would curse. While I am now ready to part with any amount of money for my children’s health, I would bemoan the same for my grandfather’s medication.
Finally, I was clear about what I had to do now – otherwise, the guilty feeling would finish me. I ran straight to my parents’ home and fell upon their feet, requesting them to live in same house with me. With a little hesitation, they agreed. Now we live together happily. It is happiness like I had never experienced before. I start early morning and drop our son to school and then my parents to an Old Age Crèche where they have activities and meet with their friends. My wife goes to work after dropping our daughter to a baby’s crèche. Every day evening we have dinner together. My parents are very happy and more than anyone else, my kids are enjoying their company. I am teaching them the value of time with our elders. They are learning there is nothing as important as the different generations living together with understanding and love.
When a child is born the first 5 years he/she survives because of the efforts of the parents. Feeding a child is not an easy job but they do it with a smile. Washing, bathing someone else is irritating but they do it happily without pinching their nose. They carry their baby in their arms for hours without a hint of pain on their face. Any parent would happily sell themselves to save their children from illness. The first 18 years of our life if our parents donot support us financially most of us would end up begging on the streets.
It is our moral duty to support our parents financially at least in the last 18 years of their life and physically in their last 5 years. This is the minimum basic requirement to become a human being. This is the minimum payback we must give to our parents for their efforts and time spent on us. Even the different religions of the world have acknowledged the importance of parents.
“Your Lord has commanded that you worship none but Him, and be kind to parents. If either or both of them reach old age with you, do not rebuke them, but speak to them in terms of honor and kindness. Treat them with humility, and say, 'My Lord! Have mercy on them, for they did care for me when I was little'." [ Quran- 17:23-4] from Islam
In Hinduism there is a saying "Maatr devo bhava, pitr devo bhava"; it means, mother is a god and father is a god.
In Christianity Exodus 20:12 - "Honor your father and your mother so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you."
"The lamb kneels to nurse;
The crow returns to feed its parents."
The young lamb kneels when it takes milk from its mother, and when the young crow grows up, it returns to care for its parents. Filial piety, therefore, is basic to being human. Those who are not filial to their parents do not have good roots, but one who is filial certainly does have good roots. (Flower Adornment Sutra, Ch 40, pp. 115-116) from Buddhism
***This article dedicated to Mr. Darshan Khurana whose footsteps I'm trying to follow.
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Fantastic Vijay , I'm only thinking how proud your parents would be knowing your feelings for them. I had to call mine to tell them how much I love them. I always have . It's a great feel to know your child needs your finger as much as the you want his... till the end . In the race of life we tend to forget the small gestures which actually contributes to our happiness that no money can buy. Eye opener , Inspiring ... Keep going . You made my day. |
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Sir, Uffffffffffff !!!! a long breath ! Worth article i had come across ! just great ! am touched sir. |
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dear brother,i m weaping.U r luky that u have PARENTS,but i m not luky now............Artikl is fantastik |
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Its said "Old age is the second childhood". When our parents grow old, they start behaving like kids, not because their mind returns to immaturity, because they need the same care and affection that a small child needs. Very very nice and inspiring article. |
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Dear Vijay: Raj has been harping ever since you published this blog. Finally, I read it, it was a hair-raising experience. Thankyou! My mom's words constantly ring in my head - when you'd become parents. |
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DEAR CHACHU Itz beautiful written , each n every word of this article is a story itself, m really speechless just a thought comin out of my mind that we never know the love our parents for us till we have become parents and if u deeply look into the palm of your hand ,you will see your parents and all genrations of your ancestors.all of them are alive in this moment.each is present in your body,cz you are the continution of each of these people.our experience teaches us that virtue and honesty are in themselves great rewards.weather we be virtuous and honest in our estimation of the value of those qualities. keep going ! gud luck , awaiting for next article......sometime we cnt xpress in vocal what we can xpress in words..... Regards Deepika khurana |
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Hi, your article is so touching and wonderfully written. I have forwarded the link onto many friends and family. I will look forward to reading more of your inspiring articles in the future. |
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Uncle, i loved your article.... very well written and your thoughts are truthful and mind blowing. thanks alot God bless |
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vijay ji, really so touching and wonderfully written.our children should read this. shamita |
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Very well said This is the reality of all of us We do understand value of Relationship when we get in to same situation. Keep writing |
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words for this article would be somewhat i cannot explain, i really can't express them in words for what i feel after reading this thing. shocked, stunned, heartless i feel. thanks for this lovely article, God bless. |
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beautifully written. strikes a cord in one's heart.... hope we all realize our duties towards our parents & fulfill them ,not as a problem but out of care & love!!! |
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Dear Mr Vijay, Nicely narrated and thought provoking words. In Tamil, close to 2000 yrs ago - Poetess Avvaiyaar has sung " Annaiyum Pithaavum Munnarri Theivam" - Mother and Father are the first GODs made known to a person. Even we in our Tamil Nadu villages name our grand children with their grand parents name only. The grand children has the RIGHTS ON wealth / assets of their grand father. Grand Children are termed as - "Peyarar" (Paerargal) meaning - those who have come to establish the good deeds of their grand parents. They would take their grand parents name to greater heights is the subject referred above. Alakan |
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Vijay ji, Very very nice article. Reminds of my mother who is sick for so many years...and that if she would have been in good health today she would have been a SUPER grandmother for my child..... Anyways all the best !!!!!! |
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The feelings for all of us are the same what you have but looking at the life style at present everyone tends to forget it. But sometimes even when you do not have any problem and life at home is going fine, the grandparents are not adjusting to the change of what time is asking for. This might be there when they lft alone (Their partner left for Heaven). There all what you think is going fine is actually not. It is grandparents / parents responcibility as well to change what time is asking for not complete but little bit. In the end we should not leave our parents but make them understand as well what time requires for the changes |
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ITS A good article and all person should think the same to give respect to their parents. |
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iIts very nice artical to read.. but now a days our moral valus has gone down and no one cares about the parents. In metros where both husband & wife are working they are treating them as care taker or the house & children not more that. |
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In Gurwani there is a verse that says: "Tis Ko Sev Jin Too Kiya; Tise Aaraadh Jin Jiyo Diya" meaning: Serve those (mother and father) whose creation you are Worship the One that gave you "Life" (Prana /Soul) To serve one's parents or elderly in a family should only be a cherishable duty and blessing. |
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It is a nice article. But nowadays old values are getting lost. Some respect old values, majority do not. So grandfathers be ready for any eventuality. |
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It is old saying proverb that everyone has to pay back for his deeds, some realise it and some dont. Those who realise it life is heaven for them and those who don't they blame God for everything. |
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That's why GOD has made this world round. We have to go back to the same place where we start. |
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It's a lovely article. I have been born and brought up in a joint family. I love my grandparents. Being brought up by my grandparents has been an enriching experience. Now a days there is an erosion of joint families. Kids are brought up by maids and therefore they do not have a very sound judgment of right and wrong. |