I was, to
be quite frank, stupefied. I felt as if my thorax had been struck by an
angry bolt of lightning. I had been fast asleep when something had woken
me up. The sight that greeted my eyes was not one that many have
witnessed--at least I hadn't. My room was glowing with a gentle
luminosity and silhouetted against my door was, faintly discernible, the
curvaceous figure of a woman. I knew I wasn't dreaming, so I didn't go
through the ridiculous preliminaries of pinching myself or rubbing my
eyes. I wondered why my parents had not woken up as their room adjoined
mine and my door was but slightly closed.
I crept out of the mosquito net and approached the figure. One of the
most beautiful women I had ever seen, she was draped in a resplendent
red sari [not the Madhuri/Sridevi rain dance ones] and wore all sorts of
ornaments. I whistled.
"What a pretty girl you are!" I exclaimed, "Who are you?"
I saw her turn back for an instant and heard her asking someone in a
somewhat disgusted voice, "Are you sure this fool is the savior?" "Yes,
my goddess, he is", came the prompt disembodied reply.
I couldn't see the person who had just answered and this obviously
aroused my curiosity. But I decided not to press my luck.
"I am Devi Durga", said she, "Conqueror of asuras, slayer of demons,
Goddess of creation", she concluded solemnly. I sniggered, "And I am
Rameses, emperor of ancient Egypt, slayer of a thousand slaves, master
of a hundred harems" and burst out laughing. If she were Durga, then I
was Mickey Mouse!
She looked at me intently for sometime and then ordered me to go with
her. There was authority in her tone. "Where to?" I asked. "To the
heavens, "she said. "What for?" asked I, scarcely able to repress my
laughter. She said she'd tell me on the way and, since that was fine
with me, I eagerly took the delicate hand she held out to me.
Suddenly I found myself speeding through the stratosphere and realized
that I had committed an unforgivable faux pas--this really was a goddess
if not THE Goddess herself!
I was just about to tender my fervent groveling apologies when, reading
my mind [gods and goddesses can do these things] she said, "There's no
time for apologies. Now listen carefully to what I have to say. A
serious crisis is upon us and you are the only one, I am told, who can
help [she sounded rather regretful]. I was busy fighting Mahishasura
when I had to attend a call on my mobile. Brahma had sent for me
immediately and I had to run from the battlefield. Little did I
comprehend the gravity of the situation as when I entered I saw Brahma
seated beside his swimming pool in fluorescent swimming trunks, stroking
his four white lustrous beards. He broke the news to me without delay.
The gods who had granted me their powers were busy wooing a certain
Monica. Strangely enough, all of them had fallen for her charms. Shiva
had approached the earth maiden but had been forced to flee when she
filed a case of harassment against him. Vishnu had offered her his
sleeping bag Sheshnaga, but before he knew it, Lakshmi was after him,
her owl screeching its lungs out for his blood. Even elephant-headed
Ganesha had fallen for her and was on the verge of wasting away from
excessive dieting. His mouse had left him, deprived of its daily diet of
laddu-crumbs. Other gods were so enamored of her and so distracted that
soon I would lose all my celestial powers and would cease to exist as
the gods had nearly forgotten about me. But Mahishasura has to be killed
and Brahma said that in all the three worlds, you are, unfortunately,
the only who who can do that."
I was stupefied by the amazing revelations and squeaked, "Why me?"
"Because you are supposed to the acme of Brahma's creation--physical and
mental."
"What about spiritual?" I asked eagerly.
The Goddess looked the other way.
Another fine mess I'd got into, but there was no way out. The Goddess
announced that we should immediately start for the battlefield. The ride
to the spot was most uncomfortable, what with Durga's lion having no
saddle and me having to comply with its constant demands to scratch
behind its ears.
In no time we had reached a sandy plateau entirely devoid of vegetation.
Out on the sand dunes stood a veritable black giant sporting buffalo
horns on his helmet--Mahishasura, the demon I was to conquer. I hopped
off the lion and turned around to ask for weapons. There was no sign of
Durga or her lion. I was all alone.
The terror of the three worlds mouthed a heaven-shattering roar and
charged at me like the wild beast he was. When he was nearly upon me, I
neatly side-stepped and biffed him squarely on the hooter. He wheeled
around, blood streaming from his nose--evidently I had successfully
broken it.
"I will kill you!" he thundered, announcing his intentions to make sure
that I hadn't mistaken them. He ended his pert speech by unleashing an
amazing repertoire of demonic expletives. Slowly he morphed into a
T-Rex--the great terror of the Triassic age [please note, NOT Jurassic
as Spielberg would have it--weak in pre-history you see]. I realized
that I would soon be dinosaur dinner if I didn't do something fast. An
idea flashed into my mind.
"Look here, why do you want to kill me? Why do you wish to destroy the
universe?" I asked.
"I am desperate and frustrated, " he grunted, "two worlds have I
searched for a mater but found none. Neither heaven nor hell should
remain. I shall destroy them for they have not been able to provide me
with a mate. And now I shall destroy you!"
"Wait a second, Mr Mahishasura, or should I call you
Tyrranosura –Anyway, as I was saying, why haven't you searched the
earth?" I had him there. He scratched his scaly, reptilian head with a
claw. "Well, what can earth offer that heaven can't? " he asked after a
long think.
Quite stupid, I thought, but sotto voce. I wanted to live.
My mind scanned memories of the world news, events, scandals and
suddenly stopped at one point. I had been buying time, but now I had a
definite plan.
"If I tell you who your perfect mate will be, will you promise to go
away and live in peace forever?" I asked him.
"He thought for sometime and replied, "I promise I will; but only if I
like her. Who is she?"
"A fair female by the name of Monica."
Beep! Beep! My alarm clock was screaming away. I jumped out of bed. What
a dream! Today was Mahalaya. My parents were still asleep. I washed my
face and went to the drawing room. I found the newspaper at the doorstep
and was just going to unfold it when something made me look up at the
sky. I could faintly discern a cloud taking the shape of a lion and
seated upon it was what looked like a woman and, as the rays of the
morning sun shot through the sky, piercing the cloud, the woman was
bathed in a red glow and it seemed she waved at me. Then it all
vanished. Why was I hallucinating? I unfolded the paper and the headline
fairly sprang onto my face:
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