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Humor /Satire Chapter 2 Garam Singh got up to welcome him. “I am glad you could come, Tonyji. Today I am going to make a very important announcement.” Just then a young man of around thirty entered and touched Garam Singh’s feet. He was slim and tall and was clad in a khadi kurta and pajama. “Come, beta Dude. Meet Unthonee Muni. Last night I told you about him. Now he is one of us.” Dude and Unthonee shook hands. They moved to a corner and started talking. “I heard you have done your doctorate in the US of A. What was the topic of your thesis?” “Ethics and morality in Indian politics—an in depth study.” Just then an old man of around sixty entered. He was clad in a dhoti and kurta. He had a longish face with a beak of a nose and close set eyes. “Who is this old man?” Unthonee asked Yuppy. “He is Lala Dharamseth. Among Garam Singh’s friends he is the shrewdest. At one time both were arch enemies, but now they have united against their common foe - Samaj Sewak, the Chief Minister of Ulta Pradesh.” “Who are the other guys?” Unthonee asked looking around. “The one in the green safari suit sporting that hideous looking gold chain is Garib Das. He is one of the richest contractors in Ulta Pradesh. The thin lanky fellow, beside him in Fakir Chand. A one time smuggler, he is now a full time politician. He has several side businesses in Dubai and Saudi Arabia and has the vote of the minority community in his pocket. That short, fat fellow in that obnoxious jacket is Moong dal. He was a dacoit once. Garam Singh persuaded him to retire from active dacoity and join politics. These three are the old faithfuls. They have followed Garam Singh on his interminable floor crossing expeditions.” The group occupied the chairs strewn around and Garam Singh, after clearing his throat for the nth time, said, “Friends and fellow suffers, the time has come to shed this yoke of slavery. It is time for a total revolution. The corrupt, inefficient and utterly ineffective government of Janta Khichdi has been fooling the public for a long time. It is high time it gave us a chance.” “But wasn’t he a minister in the same government a month back?” whispered Garib Das to Fakir Chand. “Sh! There might be something in it for us,” whispered back Fakir Chand. Garam Singh by now was in his elements and homilies were tumbling out. “My dear friends, we should listen to the wails of Bharat Mata, the cries of her suffering children. The time has come for us to act. We can’t just sit quiet and allow these hooligans to rape our motherland. We have to pick up the gauntlet and strike while the iron is hot . . .” Garam Singh continued in the same vein, judiciously mixing clichés with rhetoric, and after an hour and thirteen minutes declared: “Keeping in mind the abject state of the economy, the miserable condition of our polity and the sufferings of millions of our brothers and sisters, we have to act with courage and fortitude. For the sake of the hungry, wretched millions, we have to take a pledge of restoring the lost glory of our country. Keeping these issues in mind I have come to a decision,” he paused for effect and declared dramatically, “I have decided to launch a new party.” He looked around. There was burst of applause. “Very good, very good. What will be the name of this party?’ asked Lala. “We should think of a name which will touch an emotional chord in the people,” suggested Garib Das. “The name should be modern and should have global connotations,” said Fakir Chand. “I have an idea. Why don’t we call this party Congress Alpha? This will not only give the party a modern and international image, it will also open up further opportunities in the future,” suggested Dude. “New opportunities?” inquired Lala. “Yes. When our party splits in future, as it is bound to with so many intellectuals in it, we can call the factions Congress Theta, Congress Gama, Congress Lamda – right up to Congress Omega.” “Very good, very good,” said Lala, the newspaper headline “Lala Dharamseth launches Congress Omega,” already flashing in front of his eyes. “What will be the manifesto of the party?” queried Moong Dal. “The party will not have any manifesto,” said Dude. “Instead, we will have Ten Commandments.” “Ten Commandments?” questioned Lala. “Yes, like: Thou shalt not cross floors. Thou shalt not go on more than thirteen foreign tours per month. Thou shalt not appoint more than thirteen of thy relatives to Government posts. Thou shalt not accept suitcases from brokers/contractors without verifying their credentials. Thou shalt not fall prey to sting operations unleashed by the media. Thou shalt not get completely drunk in Page 3 parties, etc. ” explained Garam Singh. “Will our party concentrate only on Ulta Pradesh or will it go national?” asked Garib Das. “For the time being we will concentrate on Ulta Pradesh. As far as the future is concerned, let’s wait and see,” answered Garam Singh, almost seeing the TV breaking news “Garam Singh sworn in as the nineteenth Prime Minister of the country”. “What will be our party’s election symbol?” asked Moong Dal. “We should select a symbol which is modern, popular, secular and global like the name of our party.” suggested Garib Das. “On this issue, Dude and I have debated quiet a bit and have come to the conclusion that the ideal symbol would be the ‘idiot box’,” declared Garam Singh. “You mean TV?” inquired Garib Das. “Yes, TV - the magnificent obsession of the masses. It is the greatest opiate, far more potent than even religion,” said Garam Singh. “Whenever the voter switches on his TV set he will be reminded of Congress Alpha. The advertising blitzkrieg unleashed by the TV manufacturers would serve as ideal publicity material for us,” explained Dude. “And when our party splits, the symbol of Congress Beta can remote, the symbol of Congress Theta may be cable, and so on,” suggested Fakir Chand. “Okay, now that all the basics are finalised, what is the next course of action?” queried Lala “We now have to call a press Conference and give the good news to the masses. Their days of depression, despondency and despair are over. With Congress Alpha here, can Utopia be far behind?” declared Garam Singh. “When shall we call the Press Conference?” asked Fakir Chand. “Tomorrow evening,” said Garam Singh. “Dude, you make all the arrangements.” “GS, we have completely missed one vital issue,” said Lala. “Which one?” asked Garam Singh. “Money. Where are we going to get the funds from?” “Lala, I am glad that you mentioned this. I hadn’t quite forgotten. You are absolutely right. We need a lot of money. I was thinking of roping in Nakli Wdia, the Chairman of Mumbai Dying as our financier. In fact, I have already dropped hints and he has agreed.” Explained Garam Singh. “But why should he be interested?” asked Lala. “Like all successful and ambitious businessman, he too needs political patronage. And as you might be aware, Sewak has been cultivating Nakli Wadia’s arch rival Chalubhai Marjani, the Chairman of Unreliable Industries. So, obviously Nakli is also looking for political Godfathers. Moreover, right now he is interested in acquiring a plot of land for setting up a petrochemicals plant. I have offered him a large plot of land in my village in exchange for his financial backing,” elaborated Garam Singh. There was a burst of applause and the meeting broke up. Drinks were served and the members of Congress Alpha started talking among themselves. “Listen, Garib,” whispered Fakir Chand. “We have to plan properly. If the two of us unite, we can both become ministers.” “Yes, you are right. Tonight itself let us go to Dude’s house. You propose my name for Ministry of Industry and I’ll propose your name for Health,” suggested Garib Das. “Why should I take Health? If you are getting Industry I should at least get Commerce,” snapped Fakir Chand. “Lala, I need your blessings and support. After all when I become Chief Minister you will be my deputy,” whispered Garam Singh to Lala. “Of course, of course,” gushed Lala embracing Garam Singh. “I am always with you.” The meeting ended with Unthonee taking photographs of the luminaries present. Page 1 |
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