The Great Indian Political Circus by Ramendra Kumar

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Humor /Satire
The Great Indian Political Circus
by Ramendra Kumar

Chapter 17

Garam sitting and Dude were sitting in Congress Alpha’s new office which had been donated by Naqli Wadia. They were going through the layouts of the newspaper Ads designed by “Bakwas India”. Just then Lala entered. His face was red and he looked very agitated.

“Garam Singh, I have just received an important piece of information which I thought I should immediately share with you,” gasped Lala plonking himself in a chair.

“Easy, Lala, easy. Please tell me why you are so excited.”

“Samaj Sewak is planning the grandmother of all rallies.”

“When?” asked Dude.

“On August 20th – just five days before the elections.”

“So what, Lalaji? What is there to panic about?” Dude asked gently.

“You don’t understand. He is going to collect a crowd of around 90,000 people. This will be a massive show of strength to prove to the public in general and media in particular how popular Samaj Sewak and Janata Khichdi are. He is slated to announce 20 populist schemes like free education for every one, rice to be made available at ninety three paise per kilo, two laddoos extra per child in the mid-day meal scheme, free passes for the India Pakistan match to be held in Ulta Pradesh next month etc., etc. The entire media will be there and they will really go to town publicizing that event,” Lala said.

“Lala is absolutely right, Dude. You are a bachha in the political arena. You don’t understand these things. Just days before the elections if SS manages to hold a rally of around 90,000 people and announce sops, you can sure that the public will simply lap it up like badam kheer.”

“As of now all the opinion polls are indicating that we are running neck and neck. One rally like this and we’ll be reduced to also-rans. We have to do something to ensure that the rally fails,” Lala said.

“But what can we do?” asked Dude.

“Where is he getting 90,000 people and how?” asked Garam Singh.

“From what I have heard,” Lala said, “He is bringing villagers from near by areas in trucks. Each villager will get five hundred rupees, one shawl and a packet of ‘long last’ condoms free.”

“Can we not hire all the trucks and keep them with us? No trucks, no rally,” said Dude.

“No chance of that. The lorry drivers’ union is supporting Samaj Sewak. They are planning for a price hike and SS has promised he will meet this demand.”

“Suppose we trigger off some violence in the rally itself. Now that both Chakku and Pyaare are with us we can put their talents to good use.”

“No chance, Dude. The security is supposed to be the tightest ever. The CRPF, CISF, BSF and SS’s personal body guards the Purple pythons will be there with their AK-47s, rocket launchers and Molotov Cocktails. Chakku and Pyaare will be simply smashed,” said Lala.

“Why don’t we also hold a rally the same day?” suggested Dude.

“But, Dude, we have neither the financial clout nor the Government machinery to support us. Where will we get the trucks to get the villagers? And what about security? Our gang of Chaku and Pyaare will not be able to control a crowd of 90,000,” Lala said.

Then are we going to just twiddle our thumbs and allow them to steal a march over us?” asked Dude.

“No, no I am not saying that. But we’ll have to think of something better than your fancy ideas.”

The three of them guzzled beer and thought of suitable strategies to encounter the menace posed by SS’s rally.

Suddenly Dude jumped up.

“I’ve got it! I’ve got it!” he declared.

“What’s it?” inquired both Garam singh and Lala together.

“Listen,” Dude began and explained his plan.

“Bahut badiya,” Lala nodded.

“Yes, I like it,” agreed Garam Singh. “Dude, you have once again come to our rescue. I think your idea will succeed. You just go ahead and make all the arrangements. And remember the news should not be leaked. We should take everyone by surprise. If SS comes to know he’ll either postpone the rally or simply changes the venue. We’ll make all the arrangements well in advance and a day before the rally we’ll declare our plans. By then it will be too late for SS to do anything. If he backtracks he will lose face.”

– Continued

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June 24, 2007

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