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Humor /Satire Chapter 18 As SS got down from the plane Laddoo rushed to him with ten garlands. SS was a tall, extremely thin man of around seventy five years of age. He had sparse hair and hardly any shoulders. Laddoo, after touching his mentor’s feet fifteen times, whispered in his ear. “Sir, there’s a major problem I would like to discuss with you. It is confidential and very urgent.” “Come in my car. You can brief me on the way home.” In the car Laddoo said, “Sir, Garam Singh is organizing a rally at the Boat Club tomorrow.” “Tomorrow! But that is the day of our rally and the Boat Club is opposite Ram Lila grounds, the venue of our rally. Has he gone mad? With the kind of arrangements we have made no one will turn up at his rally.” “No, Sir, the picture is quite different.” “Don’t talk in riddles. What do you mean different? Haven’t you organized everything – trucks, volunteers, villagers, shawls, hundred rupee notes, ‘long last’ condoms, security?” “All that had been organized, sir, but…” “But what? Come out with it, you ass!” “Garam Singh’s rally is going to be slightly different.” “What do you mean by slightly different? Is he organizing a sammelan of Hijdas?” “Not exactly that sir but he has roped in Makhmal Malini, , Shacrook Khan, Mallika Sherbat, Priyanka Khopdi and Aadha Naan Swami.” “Have all these clowns joined Congress Alpha?” “No sir. They are going to present a cultural programme and I an afraid….” “… that people will come to our rally but slip away to watch these filmy buffoons sing, strip, dance and yell? “Y… Yes… sir.” “Laddo, I think you are gradually becoming senile. It is high time you retired.” “B..but, sir…?” “No buts, you idiot. I, Samaj Sewak, the longest serving Chief Minister in Mera Bharat Mahaan’, will be addressing the biggest rally ever organized and you mean to say that people will flock to see a bunch of whores and pimps jumping around? You are mad, completely insanel!” “Yes, sir …. I mean, no sir… I mean s…. sorry sir…? “Stop worrying about all these things and concentrate on making the arrangement. I want the press to be there in full strength. Give them VIP treatment. I want good coverage. Also, get the entire proceedings videotaped. We’ll distribute these cassettes during the final phase of the campaign.” ~*~ On the day of
the rally, by ten to ten, the Ramlila grounds were packed. The rally was
to begin sharp at ten. For some reason the Chief Minister was held up.
By ten thirty the crowed started getting restive. To control the crowd,
Laddoo ordered the distribution of condoms, shawls, and finally 500
rupee notes. By eleven the distribution was over. At eleven fifteen the
CM entered to a standing ovation. After the welcome address was over,
Laddoo invited the CM to address the gathering. Just then from the Boat Club grounds strains of very loud music could be heard. SS’s voice was completely drowned in the music. As SS kept gesticulating, Makhmal’s voice could be heard:
There was a huge commotion. People could could be heard screaming. “Yaar, Makhmal Malini is singing.” “And see, Mallika Sherbat and Priyanka Khopdi – both are in bikinis.” “Shacrook Khan and Aadha Naan Swami are also there,” “Chalo bhai chalo dekhte hain…” “Haan, haan chalo…” The huge
gathering got up as if mesmerized, turned around and started walking
towards the boat club. The security personnel tried to stop the crowd
but they were completely outnumbered. Within ten minutes there was not a
single person in sight – only Laddoo and the security men were seen
running helter-skelter. At the Boat Club, after the crowd had settled down, Garam Singh appeared on the stage and announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, please lend me your ears. This is the time for the first political break. I have come to introduce myself and my friends to you. Please vote for us and I promise you I’ll organize such rallies every month.” After five minutes Shacrook Khan and Priyanka Khopdi came on to the stage and started singing and dancing. In the next political break Dude addressed the rally followed by Lala and the rest of the stalwarts. The rally continued till midnight. The next day Samaj Sewak was in his chamber going through the newspapers. Laddoo was sitting in a corner biting his nails. “Just look at these headlines Laddoo, you idiot : ‘Samaj Sewak’s party all out for no score’, ‘Makhmal and company strip CM into oblivion’, ‘Janata Khichdi ki daal nahi gali’. And look at these photographs – all showing packed crowds at the Boat Club on one side and empty Ram Lila grounds on the other. Even the Security force joined the Boat Club tamasha. And all because of you, you imbecile,” Samaj Sewak screamed. “B. . . . but, sir, what could I do?. “You donkey, you shouldn’t have distributed the five hundred rupee notes, condoms and shawls in the beginning itself.” “But, sir, the crowd was getting very restive because of the delay,” “That delay was also organized by that scoundrel Garam Singh. At 9.45, as I was about to start for the rally, he landed at my residence with a couple of journalists in tow. He refused to budge till eleven. That bastard has really landed me in the soup. This morning the High Command phoned. He was mad with rage. He abused me left and right. He was to address our rally next week but now he has refused. Laddoo, stop biting your nails and call an emergency meeting. We have to think of a strategy to come out of this mess.” Page 1 |
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| 19 | 20 July 1, 2007 |
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