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Humor /Satire Chapter 21 “Good evening, Lord Inder, Tony here.” “I know, I know, which other fool will disturb me at this unheavenly hour? I was waiting for your call. The special supplement of ‘Swarag Samachar’ devoted to the election in Ulta Pradesh is ready. We are only waiting for your report.” “Boss, I have the most sensational scoop imaginable. Here everything has gone topsy-turvy. Boss, I hope you remember me telling you about Makhmal Malini’s Press Conference. Well, yesterday the Press Conference was conducted on schedule and everything was turned upside down.” “What do you mean upside down? Like you had hinted, Makhmal must have named Samaj Sewak, as the villain in the whole drama.” “No boss, absolutely not. For once you are mistaken. She did not blame Samaj Sewak, she named Garam Singh.” “What? Garam Singh? She has flipped her lid or what?” “That is what is puzzling the whole world. And you know boss, the election results have started pouring in.” “Congress Alpha’s position must be quiet shaky.” “What shaky, boss? It has been completely wiped out. Out of the total 540 seats the results of 490 are out. Janata Khichidi has bagged 472 seats and the rest have gone to Independents and other splinter groups. Congress Alpha has not bagged a single seat.” “And Garam Singh?” “His situation is really pathetic, sir. Not only has he lost his deposit, he has not got even a single vote. He now has the dubious distinction of figuring in the Guinness Book Records for becoming the only person, since democracy was invented, to score a blob in any election, anywhere in the World.” “My Rambha! This is a absolutely sensational news. But to convert this to a truly sensational scoop we need the views of Makhmal Malini. Somehow you try to get her interview. It is an absolute must.” “Sir, after spending four months in Mera Bharat Mahaan I have become real street-smart. I have already lined up an exclusive interview with Makhmal. In exactly half an hour from now Makhamal and I will be enjoying a tete-a-tete. Boss it was very difficult getting this interview. She has even refused to grant interviews to Fashion TV, BBC, CNN and Pee TV.” “Then how did you manage? You must have mentioned my name and she must have been bowled over.” “Well, not exactly that, sir. Knowing fully well how important that interview would turn out to be, I took certain liberties. I . . . I . . . hope you won’t mind, boss?” “Don’t blabber, just tell me what you have on what you call your mind.” “Boss, recently you have purchased four summer resorts in the best area of heaven. Out of the four, three have been allotted to Rambha Bhabhi, Urvashi Aunty and Menaka Didi. I took the liberty of promising the fourth one to Makhmal.” “You bloody fool! How dare you? That resort I had reserved for Diva darl . . . I mean Diva Bharati.” “I am sorry, boss I had no idea whatsoever. And moreover there was no choice. She wouldn’t have agreed to anything eise. And, boss, after all it is a question of only three months every year. You can adjust Diva darl . . . sorry, Diva Bharati, somewhere else. And boss, you have to first convince Mrs Inder and bring Diva back to heaven before you can even think of gifting her the resort.” “All right, all right, all right. But in future before taking such liberties check with me or else I’ll transfer you to Kashmir. There, caught among the militants, the army, the police and the politicians, your goose will be cooked real nice and tender.” Lord Inder banged down the phone. Unthonee replaced the receiver muttering to himself, “Sala, henpecked wimp, he doesn’t have the guts to say boo to his wife and tries to act macho with me. I have half a mind to teach him a lesson. I’ll make a few copies of the interview and pass them on to Time, Newsweak and India yesterday. I’ll ask them to publish it without a by-line. Boss will not even know and I’ll make a tidy sum on the side.” Page 1 |
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| 19 | 20 July 22, 2007 |
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