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Humor
Narada Comes to Earth ... Again!
by
Subra Narayan
Sometime in
the near future………
(In the lobby outside the Parliament…. Ministers huddled together in
conversation)
Minister #1: Yes yes, the oil scandal is highly controversial. We need
to find the culprits ASAP
Minister #2: Who got the kickbacks and how much?
Minister #3: How come I never get any kickbacks?
(Suddenly there is noise and commotion. Narada metamorphoses in front
of the ministers)
Minister #1: (a little fazed, but regains composure) Oh my god. It is
Narada…..er, we are so blessed by your presence
Minister #2: I must be dreaming…Narada? The only time I have seen you is
in Amar Chitra Katha.
Narada: Narayana, Narayana…I come to Mother Earth at the behest of Lord
Brahma. We are living in the the 28th Mahayuga of the 7th Manvantara of
the Varaha Kalpa. During this Kali Yuga, Lord Brahma is terribly upset
with the way Bhoomi Devi is being treated. There is utter chaos on Earth
today and I have been sent to feel the pulse of Bhoomi Devi!
Minister #3: We have heard of Mayadevi, Jaya devi, Mamta devi, but who
is this Bhoomi devi?
Narada: Hold your tongue, you ignorant earthling. Save your rhetoric for
judgement day.
Minister #3: Does Narada need a Visa or passport to come in to the
country?
Narada: I am a citizen of the universe. I come and go as I please
Narada: There has been so much destruction of the earth’s resources, its
forests, rivers. All this global warming has led to the melting of the
polar ice caps…even the snow and ice on Mount Kailasa has been steadily
melting. That is the abode of Lord Siva who is terribly disgusted with
what is happening. He is worried that once all the snow melts there will
be a deluge…but this time he won’t be around to hold the water in his
lock of hair like he did when the Ganges flowed down.
Minister #1: Narada what will you have, coffee, tea or Pepsi?
Minister #2: Tsch, tsch, Narada cannot accept such mere offerings.
Minister #1: Narada, can you predict the future? Will I win in the next
LS election?
Narada: Karmanye vadhikaraste ma phaleshu kadachana…Ma karma phala
hetur bhurmatey sangostva akarmani.
Minister #1: I don’t think I followed a word of what he said. Must be a
foreign language.
Minister #2 No, no, it is the language of the gods. I think it is called
Dev-nagiri.
Minister: Narada, are you going to do sight seeing while you are in
Delhi?. I can arrange for you to see the Taj Mahal, Kutb Minar, Lal
Khila…
Minister #1: Narada is here on a business trip, no pleasure…correct na
Narada
Narada: My mission is to warn you mortals. Be good and do good. Take
care of Mother Earth. Throw garbage where it is meant to be thrown. Stop
the incessant deforestation and curb pollution. Learn to be honest once
again like in the Satya Yuga and you will see miracles.
Minister: Narada, yes, yes a few years ago we saw miracles, Ganeshji
drank milk….even I offered milk at the local temple.
Minister #2: Should we call the Prime Minister and tell him that you are
here.
Minister #3: Better yet, let us call Soniaji
Minister: Hmmm, but she doesn’t know Naradji…no Amar Chitra Katha in
Italy
Minister: Narada, please come and stay in my humble abode.
Minister: Arre what humble abode……you have a palace…not a humble abode
like Sudama’s house?
Minister: Who… Minister Sudama? Arre he has 2 palaces yaar what are you
saying?
Minister: No, no, the other Sudama from Amar Chitra Katha… Krishna’s
friend.
Minister: Narada you must stay in 5 star hotel, that is where all
foreign ambassadors stay.
Narada: I have to leave now. I will come and check back in one year and
grade you. If you do not change for the better, the consequences will be
dire. This is a grave warning.
Minister #1: But Narada, what can we do, we are only public servants.
The public is to blame, why don’t you go and tell them to improve. They
never listen to us.
Narada: It is the public that elected you!
(Narada vanishes leaving the ministers to squabble amongst themselves.)
Scene II
(Narada arrives at an All India Minister’s conference in Mumbai)
..speaking to himself: When I used to come to Bombay 50 years ago, it
was so much more pristine…the air was wonderful, there was far more
greenery and there was magic in the air. People used to sing..he Bom
bom bom bombai meri hai
(sings out the song)
Nowadays when I come to Mumbai, I am tempted to sing…ai dil ai
mushkil hain jeena yahan..
Sentry: Er, what do you want…wait a minute, I must be dreaming,…isn’t
this Narada?
Narada: Well, yes but I am not very excited to be here. Just doing my
duty because Lord Brahma asked me to. It comes with the job you know.
Minister #1: these days we are not getting any kickbacks
Minister #2: That is because everything is made in China. Nobody wants
to invest in India.
Minister #3: Ah don’t worry, there is enough money to be made here right
at home.
Narada: Narayana, narayana, it seems like everything is the same since I
last visited. Nothing appears to have changed, not even the roads
Minister #1: Welcome Narada, we had completely forgotten about you. Did
you fly in a vimana or travel in a hybrid?
Minister #2: Narada can materialize out of thin air….just like in Star
Trek
Minister #3: Narada, do you have a private Vimana. Someone told me that
UFOs are the same as Vimanas, just like in our Puranas.
Narada: In spite of giving you another opportunity, you have not wizened
up. If any, the destruction to Earth is more rampant than ever before.
Corruption and dishonesty rule the day and chaos is prevalent
everywhere. How will a mere mortal attain moksha? There will be so much
overcrowding in Hell that we will have to build another one like it.
Minister #1: Oh, come on now Narada, like you said, we are mere mortals.
You can easily forgive us for we know not what we are doing!
Minister #2: Narada, I have heard that they don’t have a democracy in
Heaven. Is it true that Indra rules like a dictator?
Minister #3: Arre baba, you are mistaking Indira for Indra…you know our
Indira ruled like a dictator.
Minister #1: Narada, these days America wants to be a global empire and
rule over the whole world. They are setting a bad example. I think the
rest of the world should unite against their growing threat. I have an
idea….why not you become the leader of the Rest of the World.
Minister #3: Yaar, that sounds like a cricket match…
Minister #2:
No, no, Narada has superpowers you see and America does not have
Superman any more.
Minister #2: Well. Narada you see India has become another superpower,
we are the global leaders in IT. Seems like we have finally come of age
& are the best in everything. We have nuclear capability, Bollywood,
population and corruption.
Minister #1: You see the whole world is turning to India once again for
everything from spirituality to technology. Americans are wanting orange
cards to settle down in India.
Minister #2: So how can you be so negative about us?
Minister #3: Narada, why do you always bring such bad tidings. We were
having a good time here. I just got my new portfolio, Minister of
Kickback Prevention.
Minister #1: Narada, why don’t you go to the UN. You are bound to get a
global audience and can voice your concerns better. After all, we are
only smalltime ministers.
Narada: Last time you talked about India having become a superpower.
Well then you need to lead the way by starting here..at home. Excessive
corruption, population, temptation can hurt a nation.
Minister #1: Narada, we are getting late for the next session
Minister #2: Yes very important meeting . Dignitaries from USA are here
to learn how we function in the world’s largest democracy.
Minister #1: They want to use our skills to run their country. Have you
heard of outsourcing, Narada? Soon the jobs of Congressmen and Governors
in USA will be outsourced to India.
Narada: Narayana, narayana, I better hand in my resignation to Brahma
and head off to Timbuktu!
April 28, 2007
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