These are actual excuse notes from parents (including > original spelling) collected by Nisheeth Parekh, University > of Texas Medical Branch @ Galveston...

• My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

• Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

• Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

• Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

• Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

• John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

• Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

• Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

• Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

• Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

• Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the shits.

• Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

• Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

• Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

• I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.

• Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

• Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

• My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

• Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

• Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

• Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

• Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

• Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

– Compiled by Mohan Dadlani