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There was a church that had problems with outsiders parking in its parking lots, so they put up a sign:
CHURCH CAR PARK - FOR MEMBERS ONLY.
Trespassers will be baptized!
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"No God-No Peace. Know God-Know Peace."
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"Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!"
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"Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins."
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"Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!"
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An ad for one Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads:
"For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets."
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When the restaurant next to another Church put out a big sign with red letters that said:
"Open Sundays,"
The church reciprocated with its own message:
"We are open on Sundays, too."
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A singing group called "The Resurrection" was scheduled to using at a church. When a big snowstorm postponed the performance, the pastor fixed the outside sign to read:
"Resurrection is postponed."
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"People are like tea bags-you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are."
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"God so loved the world that He did not send a committee."
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"Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!"
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"When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out alright."
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"Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday."
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"Fight truth decay-study the Bible daily."
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"How will you spend eternity-Smoking or Non-smoking?"
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"Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty
Lives"
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"Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and
the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world."
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"It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin."
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"Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church."
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"If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns."
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"If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again."
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"Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal
fire insurance soon."
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"This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing?"
...
(U R)
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"Forbidden fruit creates many jams."
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"In the dark? Follow the Son."
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"Running low on faith? Stop in for a fill-up."
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"If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd."
