India’s doping scandal has rocked the entire sporting world. However, this scandal might be just the tip of the iceberg. A usually unreliable source told me there is a much bigger and more sinister doping scandal about which the whole nation is ignorant. He explained to me that while athletes use performance enhancing drugs there are other drugs that create such sense of blissful euphoria as to create complete detachment from the real world. The addicts of such drugs remain very happy despite bad things going on around them. These drugs, needlessly to say, ruin performance but create bliss.
According to my informant there is wide use of such doping in the UPA government.
“It’s true that the government appears quite happy even though governance has crumbled. But what evidence is there to support that it is due to doping?” I asked.
“There’s new evidence coming up every day,” he said. “Just the other day the JPC learnt that there were several meetings between Chidambaram and Raja. But it is not known what was discussed because there were no minutes kept of the meetings. We understand that Chidambaram cannot remember what was discussed. We believe he is speaking the truth. We suspect he was doped.”
“But if there were no minutes of the meetings what was the need for the Finance Ministry to inform JPC about the meetings?”
“We believe that happened because Pranab Mukherjee did it out of forgetfulness. We suspect that he too is being doped! The CBI is keeping watch on the entire cabinet. It seems almost all ministers are being doped.”
“This is terrible,” I exclaimed. “Why doesn’t the CBI inform the Prime Minister about this serious threat?”
“The CBI team did apprise the PM,” he said grimly. “That didn’t help.”
It appears that the CBI team approached the PM after an appointment. “Hurry up and let me know what you want,” the PM snapped. “My eighteen hours of work are almost over. I must have my six hours of rest.”
The CBI advised the PM about their suspicions. “There are too many unexplained lapses, Sir,” the CBI officer said. “You will recall how your own remark about the 25 percent Bangladeshis being opposed to India caused a minor crisis! We suspect someone in the PMO goofed by putting it on the website because he too could have been doped. That is why leaders of Bangladesh took exception!”
“Rot!” the PM said. “Nobody from Bangladesh objected. I continue to have the best relations with Mamata Bannerjee!”
The CBI officers fell silent. One of them coughed. The PM said,” Well, if that will be all you may kindly take your leave. I suppose you would have to catch your flight to Washington .”
“Washington?” the CBI asked in wonder.
“Yes, Washington,” the PM said impatiently. “You collect information for Washington, don’t you?”
“No, no Sir! It seems you have confused us with the CIA! We are the CBI!”
“Oh,” said the PM. “The CBI, you say? Hmm! So for which government do you work…?”