Affairs are About Anything but Love by Gary Direnfeld SignUp
Boloji.com
Boloji
Home Kabir Poetry Blogs BoloKids Writers Contribute Search Contact Site Map Advertise RSS Login Register
Boloji
Channels

In Focus

Analysis
Cartoons
Education
Environment
Going Inner
Opinion
Photo Essays

Columns

A Bystander's Diary
Business
My Word
PlainSpeak
Random Thoughts

Our Heritage

Architecture
Astrology
Ayurveda
Buddhism
Cinema
Culture
Dances
Festivals
Hinduism
History
People
Places
Sikhism
Spirituality
Vastu
Vithika

Society & Lifestyle

Family Matters
Health
Parenting
Perspective
Recipes
Society
Teens
Women

Creative Writings

Book Reviews
Ghalib's Corner
Humor
Individuality
Literary Shelf
Love Letters
Memoirs
Musings
Quotes
Ramblings
Stories
Travelogues
Workshop

Computing

CC++
Computing Articles
Flash
Internet Security
Java
Linux
Networking
Family Matters Share This Page
Affairs are About Anything but Love
by Gary Direnfeld Bookmark and Share
 

Participants present affairs as arising by chance and based upon love and mutual adoration. The relationship advances from flirtation to infatuation. This can happen quickly or over considerable time. Eventually there is an expectation that the affair advance to sexual behavior. The participants then claim each other as true love partners who understand each other better than their own spouses. It sounds so romantic and so beyond their control. The relationship continues in secrecy. 

Scratch the surface and what may transpire is one emotionally vulnerable adult and another adult seeking sexual gratification. More often than not, it will be the woman who is emotionally vulnerable and the man who is seeking the sexual gratification. Upon this scenario, the man professes his love and the woman in part feels completed by his attention and in part badly about herself for the context of the relationship. 

What is most important for women to realize is that this is not a healthy loving relationship. More to the point, these relationships can be insidiously emotionally and psychologically abusive of women. 

Affairs are secretive by nature and represent a betrayal of fidelity. Hence they contribute to marital turmoil and demise. Because of these factors, affairs also diminish personal integrity. It is hard to feel good about oneself entirely in this situation. If one does feel good about oneself, it may be through a psychological process of disassociation or splitting. Through these psychological processes a person cuts him or herself off from those parts of oneself that are distressful. Hence the person is not fully integrated in terms of feelings, thoughts and actions. It is a way to cope with loss of integrity. 

Decent men do not subject the object of their affection to such harm. Decent men would not place a woman in conflict with her marital partner, family, children, friends and community… or with herself. Men who engage in such activity tend to be working towards their own sexual gratification over the needs of the woman. The approach then, often involves a process of grooming towards the sexual encounter. The man pursues, the woman resists, the man continues and escalates displays of affection and adoration, and the woman succumbs. The period of grooming will depend on the vulnerability of the woman and the intensity of the pursuit. Guilt and shame are the most common of feelings when the intoxication of the moment subsides and the woman is left to ponder the experience. 

If a fellow truly admires a married woman, in the first place he wouldn’t compromise her marriage, family or integrity, but in the event feelings deepened and were mutual, he would resist the relationship so that the woman could choose how to deal with her marriage first – without the complications imposed by an affair. In the event the fellow is also married, his transgressions are threefold; one against his spouse, the other against the married woman as described above and the third to himself. He has also participated in self-demeaning behavior. 

Affairs are about anything but love. Romance has nothing to do with it. Harm to the participants and bystanders is an inevitable conclusion. Hardly the example anyone would want for their children. 

No wonder affairs only happen in secret. 

16-Dec-2007
More by :  Gary Direnfeld
 
Views: 1761
Share This Page
Post a Comment
Bookmark and Share
Name*
Email ID*  (will not be published)
Comment
Verification Code*
P9N25
Please fill the above code for verification.

    

 
 
Top | Family Matters



Solitude and other poems by Rajender Krishan
 


    A Bystander's Diary     Analysis     Architecture     Astrology     Ayurveda     Book Reviews
    Buddhism     Business     Cartoons     CC++     Cinema     Computing Articles
    Culture     Dances     Education     Environment     Family Matters     Festivals
    Flash     Ghalib's Corner     Going Inner     Health     Hinduism     History
    Humor     Individuality     Internet Security     Java     Linux     Literary Shelf
    Love Letters     Memoirs     Musings     My Word     Networking     Opinion
    Parenting     People     Perspective     Photo Essays     Places     PlainSpeak
    Quotes     Ramblings     Random Thoughts     Recipes     Sikhism     Society
    Spirituality     Stories     Teens     Travelogues     Vastu     Vithika
    Women     Workshop
RSS Feed RSS Feed Home | Privacy Policy | Disclaimer | Site Map
No part of this Internet site may be reproduced without prior written permission of the copyright holder.
Developed and Programmed by ekant solutions