"Oh... oh no"
Her smile changed to excitement, and she was beaming as her hand slid over my belly. She glanced back and forth from me to the monitor and then removed her hand from my belly and just continued to grin.
"WHAT," I wanted to yell at her.. Stop that, come on spit it out.
We were at our first appointment since we had found out we were pregnant. Only this could happen to me I thought, I was going to be the first woman to give birth to puppies. Dr. Shui called my husband over to my side and turned the monitor towards me, pointed and said "look. there's your baby, " and then she moved the mouse like thing over to the left and said "there's the other baby ...you're having twins."
She looked at me expecting me to burst into tears at the news. We caught her unawares.. we were just ecstatic. "I knew I was going to have twins, I just knew it. You know Dr. Shui I had a dream that I was carrying twins."
We buckled our seats belts and looked at each other "TWINS". The ride home all we could talk about was wow, wow. I don't think either of us had really realized what had hit us. We were going to be parents.
PARENTS, I sighed "oh my gosh honey, that means we now have to plant roots and settle down." As I thought more about being a parent I realized I had to grow up. But I liked being a carefree kid with no worries and responsibilities.
My parents and siblings were in shock. All my life I had said I was never going to have kids. What had changed..
15 months as a parent and I still keep asking every person that I meet.. why do people have kids? A burning desire to have that question answered became my new mission. This nagging question was creating havoc in my life "mom, why do people have kids?"
My mother dropped what she was doing and stared at me. I am sure she was trying to check my breath to see if I had been drinking. She smiled and then realized I was serious. I could see her thinking.
"I don't know baby."
"why did you have kids?" Without thinking the answer came ..."I was young and I didn't know anything else, you know I had just completed high school. Did I tell you I was the first..." I knew this was not going to go anywhere so I turned to my dad who had been trying to ignore our conversation all this while.
The look my father gave me would have made me drop the topic normally. But I was determined to have my answer. My father, my dad, my hero would definitely have the answer. He always had the answers to my million questions.
"to carry on the family name... but what's the use; you children have moved to the US..." mouthing a lame excuse that I heard the boys crying I quickly exited the room before I got caught up in his lecture.
As I searched for my next victim I saw my husband. Men and women have very different listening, so when I asked him the question he replied with.. "honey I think you should go out more often and do the things you used to do before the kids were born ...would you like me to make room in the garage so you can set up your art studio again."
What was it with people anyway, each one just seemed to take off on a tangent with their own stories. Could they not hear what I was asking. WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE KIDS, I screamed.
Shaken he quickly muttered " I don't know.. What do you think?"
Now if I knew would I have been asking everyone.
I decided to try I new approach. "besides wanting to continue their family name and leave behind a legacy ...why else do you think people might have kids" One of my bosses once had told me his legacy to the world was going to be an offspring. Like the world needed another like him, but that's a different story.
"hmmm.. well people don't have a choice they don't have safe sex, I dunno, " and he turned back to be hypnotized by the idiot box. Here I was facing a major crisis in my life and the one I loved was guffawing away at the antics of some moron. "Men, " I muttered.
Over the months I asked everyone I knew. My boss said that was a question that couldn't be answered lightly and that he would think about it and let me know. I guess he needs to think a lot because I haven't heard his response yet. My sister said I had too much stress and would I like to go for a movie while she would watch the twins. A very spiritual and philosophical elder arrogantly announced that the souls of dead people needed new bodies for rebirth. Phew, his 84 years were getting the better of him. My best friend said " . its so obvious."
Finally I was going to have the question answered. With abated breath I waited for her answer but she politely asked if I could hold as she had another call. My heart pounded faster as I waited for her call to get over. " so what were you saying... yeah, well.. after a job, car, marriage and a house, the next step was to have a child.. so what are you're plans for the weekend.."
Listening to her droning voice I decided to drop my quest.
I finally had to admit to my husband that valuable lessons could be learnt from the comedy shows on television. Ally Mcbeal of all people had a very valuable insight to my quest. In her own bizarre fashion she tells one of her co-workers that his girlfriend would at some point want a child because children are the celebration of the union of two people in love. Let me understand that.. Celebration of love between my husband and me. I did love this man dearly and would never trade him for another.
I could live with that.
Do I still ask people why they had children ...sure I do. But as my better half suggested. It would be better if I asked " why did you have children" rather than my get in your face "why do people have kids?" Along the journey for the answer I realized something. I want my kids to look at me the way I look at my parents and say " I hope I can be a parent just like them."