The more I know you, the further I am lost in the web of my emotions. On the surface it was the predictable you, yet the flip side stymied the lucidity of my vision, compelling me to ruminate if it is the real you with me or is it the real me with you! Had I got so used to being without you that I failed to recognize every time you approached me!
We grew together'. life took shape and deeper meaning in times spent with you and many more survived away from you. I often cursed providence for giving me so less of you. Did I deserve you any less than those who resided in your arms and enjoyed your company? May be and may be not. What did I do wrong that I had to concede defeat at the hands of my circumstances. Did I try too hard to find you that I overlooked the mistakes I made on the way. Now that you are gone, your loss has become dearer than the moments I cherished with you.
Happiness I am truly lost without you.
Often I was told that happiness is relative. Some find it in the worst of situations, while for some nothing is good enough. Life, being the two sides of the same coin, is charged with negative and positive energies. The more optimistic we are the more good comes our way; the better we are prepared for the unpleasant situations in our life. It builds within us that strength of character required to visage all the challenges life hurls at us from time to time. Develops our imperviousness towards the objectionable in our life. On the other side, the negative energies makes us doubt everything that happens around us, sometimes our own abilities and worthiness. The gluttony, anger, anguish and the depression envelops all the good within us in darkness.
I often did introspection and whenever I heard my inner voice, I came to the conclusion that happiness was simply defined as my attitude and my perception of any given circumstance. My vision made me the deciding factor of what constituted my happiness. It has been a humungous task to keep it simple and straight at all times. Lying to oneself is an easy way out. Making myself the victim of others was very comforting. Walking down the lonely lanes of life, I became so absorbed in self that I ignored the simplicity of happiness. It was there in the morning sun, in the sleepy smile of my child, the petals of a new flower in my kitchen flower pot, the aroma of my coffee, the cool breeze that kissed my face, the simple hug of my loved ones, waking next to the man I love, the satisfaction of having lived another worthwhile day'
Happiness never left me. I just was momentarily blinded by the tough times I faced. If I have faith in myself and in the appropriateness of my deeds, happiness will find me.