In a vat filled with foamy rubber I sat, it was night
when I plunged down the massive Niagara falls.
Camera shy, tourists had gone home, no one around
to record my attempt to be the first and survive.
Further down the river the vat firmly fastened between
two wet rocks, I opened its lid scampered out and it
was dawn; a fawn saw me as did a rabbit and a moose.
Walked for hours came to a rural town, had a beer
and was arrested for being at the wrong side of
the river, and for rolling down a waterfall when
I had not obtained permission from the department
that issues vat licenses. Thus my epic record was
disqualified; no fame for Johnnie, not hard feelings,
but I know I was the first man to do this and survive.