Individuality  
Rise Above The Ashes Around You

The greatest high in life is when u fall in love. Love, well u cannot snatch it, lock it or create it. It should come from within you. Being in love is an experience and only if u go through it u will know the intricacies of it. U feel your best when you are in love. Love is a process where your brain has taken a backseat and your heart is working overtime.

Love is not just a four-letter word, but it's a totally different feeling, which takes your entire body, soul and mind to altogether a different world. Love can neither be created nor destroyed. It passes from one person to another. The total amount of love in the universe always increases and never remains constant.

I like any normal human being have had a lot of crushes from my childhood. How often do we use the word crush? All the feelings and thoughts are dumped into it, if we make no further progress with our infatuation. This happens not only for the fear of rejection, but also because many of us fail to approach. If this ego had disappeared, probably a quarter of us would have been in a love relationship with our crush. 

Till now my most long lasting crush was on a girl, studying in the same classes as me, when I was in my final year of schooling i.e. in 10th.It lasted for almost 7 months. During the lectures, we used to look at each other, with our eyes doing all the talking and our lips just sealed like an envelope. Even when she used to go in her car, she used to look back and I would just look for those eyes and not for the vehicles around my bicycle. Every book I read at home never ended without me thinking at least a million times about her. I used to ponder whether it was love? Or was it that she didn't like me and so she stared at me? Rather than bothering about the tutorials in the classes, I used to spend minutes in front of the mirror (mind you it takes only seconds for guys) grooming myself to clear even the last ruffled hair on my forehead, before going for the classes. Every song I heard used to remind me of her. Shy as I was, I never made an attempt to speak to her. To be frank I also didn't have the guts. Then I made the biggest mistake of my teenage life. I went for an introduction with my crush through a common friend, who was known for all the wrong reasons. Then those un-seasonal rains of threats distorted the fine painting of love on my mind. I asked myself whether I was wrong? I argued that at no point of time did I trouble her, but just adored her. So my feelings were divine, but they were interpreted wrongly. Well u don't get a feel of a movie by just looking at the reel of magnetic tapes. Don't you?

The second significant crush was when I had gone to a cousins place, a year after this incident. I saw her and I don't know what attracted me to her. I was wearing a spectacle the frame of which covered my whole face like the windshield of a car. My dressing sense was also gross. I was very conscious and was fighting for getting fluent English out of my mouth. This was because I had been to an English medium school where the local language Hindi and Marathi were prevalent. I spoke very less when I was in the group and between talks my crush made some personal remarks on me. I couldn't take it. But I kept a smiling face. After that, only I know how many sleepless nights I had spent. In many tones the same words used to haunt me. I then decided to bring a drastic change on myself. So gone were those spectacles and a new pair donned my noses. I became choosier and imaginative in the way I clothed myself. The English vocabulary also improved, as I became a voracious reader and "a-novel-a-day-maniac". Then after some years of friendship and 3-4 movie dates came the day when she forced me to tell the times she had hurt me. Ya to be exact, it was on Friday 23rd of July 2000 to be exact and 8.39pm to be precise. After a lot of skipped heartbeats and rushed breathing I narrated the incident and she gave her apology. She said she was totally unaware when she spoke about it. I was feeling peaceful after a long time.

Many times we speak more where we don't have to, knowingly or unknowingly and hurt others. It is really tough to go through the emotions, when people have hurt you. Especially for Geminines like me, who have an inner core only for themselves. They won't share it with anyone, no matter what. So even after being low on morale, to come out of things successfully with significant improvements is a challenge. This is what my principle" Rise above the ashes around you" is all about. I always pep myself up by saying, "Keep improving for the better".

PS: - At no point of time was I trying to boast about myself. If still there is some element of self-praise, in the above piece, I owe due apology to my readers. In my future articles, know more on what happened next with my second crush and the cyber love I was involved in.    

– Deepak Chandrasekaran
 September 23, 2001

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