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Parenting
A for Apple, T
for Tantrums
by Garima Gupta
 Each
and Every Parent goes through a period of tantrum handling. (In fact ,
my 20 month old daughter is lying on ground right besides my chair right
now, throwing a tantrum, demanding that I hand the computer over to her
immediately). Each and every child throws a tantrum once in a while.
It’s a natural way of communicating extreme feelings for kids, who have
not developed adequate speech skills yet! However natural it might be,
it still manages to throw parents out of gear, and the feelings range
from desperation to ashamedness and anger. It’s takes a big heart and
some knowledge of tantrums to handle the situation correctly.
As any parent would vouch for, children throw tantrum when you most want
them to be well behaved. In a shop grocery shopping, in a fine dining
restaurant or when you have an important phone call to attend to. They
instinctively seem to realize that mom/dad is not completely available
to me at this point of time, and immediately demands that attention!!
While shopping, kids often act up asking for one, or one hundred
different candies or toys or so on. In fact, if observed carefully, we
find that tantrums come mostly when the child is tired, exhausted ,
hungry , sleepy, bored, or even over-stimulated. It is just that these
little adults are trying to exercise their power of choice, which they
don’t have. It is a frustrating , confusing world for them, a world
where mom and dad impose their will on him all the time. He wants to be
an unique individual in his own right, and the process is more difficult
for him than it is for you. Be sympathetic.
Be sympathetic. Easier said than done, of course. However there are a
few dos and don’ts that can help you sail through ‘quietly’ through this
turbulent period :
-
Precaution is better than cure . Try stopping a tantrum before it
starts. Keep in mind the limits of your child while planning a day
out. Keep in mind that he might be tired after a movie, and going
grocery shopping then is like sending an invitation to the tantrums.
In a shop, if their demand is reasonable and not outrageous, maybe
it can be accepted.
-
When the
tantrums do start, as they invariably will at times, remember that
it is not a time to loose your cool. Be calm. Let the child go
through it safely. If you, an adult, are not able to control your
emotions, can you expect more from your kid ?
-
Do not
worry about onlookers. Those who have kids would understand, Those
who don’t, will understand later when they do have one. Remember,
kids with a tantrum are not bad, they are just ‘over-worked’. They
deserve firm love, not another scolding.
-
Do not
give in to their demand. Your response would determine future
frequency of the tantrums. Do not make tantrums a rewarding
experience for them. The difference between a boy who keeps asking
for gratifications to a mall (I want this, and that , and thaaaaat)
and a boy who calmly goes through it, is whether their parents gave
in to their tantrums when the boys were 2 years old, or not)
-
Voice
what the child is going through, and what he wants. “Oh!! You’re so
upset, because you want that Barbie, aren’t you??” It helps them in
two ways: One, they know that the parents understands their demand
and feelings, and secondly, they learn to put feelings in words for
the next time.
-
Give
moderate amount of choice. So don’t say: “What do you want for
dinner?” (for your own sake!) but “ Do you want parantha or
rice today?”
-
Kids
eventually grow out of tantrums, as they develop better strategies
to get stuff out of their parents. (Yeah! That’s true, it never
stops!!) So just take it as another developmental milestone and do
not attach extra importance to it.
June 10, 2006
Image under license with
Gettyimages.com
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| Parenting
The Week of June 11, 2006
PM Under
Siege: Main Threat from Within? by Rajinder Puri
Sri Lanka Strategically Important for India
by Dr. Subhash Kapila
Etymology and Metamorphosis of Mleccha, Barbarian &
Mawali by Gaurang Bhatt, MD
The Odd Couple of Indian Politics by Siddharth
Srivastava
Do We Get Justice Based on Truth? by TA Ramesh
Bonded Servants of the Lord by Vinita Deshmukh
Soccer Mania by Dr. Prasenjit Maiti
Rainwater Harvesting: What's New About It?
by VK Joshi
A for Apple, T for Tantrums by Garima Gupta
The Medicine by NS Murty
The Escapist by Julia Dutta
Roxie by Anisa Chaudhary
Metamorphosis by Vikram Karve
Java Virtual Machine by Ruchi
Gupta
Film Controversies by Kusum Choppra
No Woman on Top by Sudeshna Sarkar
Comrade Vasanth's Vision : A Profile
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