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Society
Hindu Wedding Sans
Rituals
by
VK Joshi
Marriage of
two individuals in the Hindu society is quite a pious occasion. As per
the custom the vows of the marriage are taken by the couple in the open,
under the canopy of the stars. The sanctity of the occasion can be
realized from the fact that in Kumaoni weddings the just married couple
are made to sit together on a bed and worshipped. It is believed that
they are equal to the gods at that time.
A wedding used to be a great festive occasion in the days of the yore.
Indeed it still is though it has become more of an event which has
pushed the Vedic rituals in the background and brought the vulgar
display of wealth and fashion to the forefront.
The ceremonies used to start at least five days before the wedding and
used to continue for another two days after the arrival of the bride.
The guests used to arrive much before the ceremonies took off. The host
family made arrangements for a comfortable stay of the guests and a 'halwai'
was especially engaged to cook delicious meals and also variety of
snacks and sweets for the horde of guests and visitors.
There were elders who knew by heart the minutest details of the
ceremonies, attire of the bride and the bride groom and even the
particular food to be cooked on a particular day. Food grains, cooking
materials, condiments etc were hoarded by the grannies from the day the
topic of the wedding of a grand son or daughter was broached in the
family. But those were the days when the life was easy and slow.
The contemporary weddings compared to the past are super-fast, maximum
one day affair. The ceremonies, the attire of the bridegroom and the
food all have been zapped up. Call it a cultural invasion the
traditional Dhoti and Kurta have been replaced by pant, shirts and
designed three piece suits. Dressing up for the 'barat' (marriage
party) has become quite an elaborate and expensive affair. For the groom
it is lifetime event, but for the baratis is a routine yet they
dress up as if preparing for a fashion show. Earlier the barats
were all men's domain now with equalities of gender in mind one can see
the heavy pallus of Kanjivaram saris, backless cholis of women to Armani
suits and Bundgalas of men. Alas the traditional dhoti and kurta
are relegated to the priests who solemnize the wedding.
As per the Karmakand the boy qualifies to be a groom only if he has
undergone the 'yagyopavit sanskar' (Thread ceremony). Normally
the thread ceremony used to be solemnized at a tender age of seven or
nine. School's homework, peer pressures and parents' commitments to
their jobs leave hardly any time for a sanskar that was supposed
to be the passport for the wedding.
The traditional thread ceremony used to be almost a mock wedding minus
the bride. The boy with a shaven head and pierced ears (yes, we had
started piercing ears of our boys much before the so called mod guys of
the society had even thought about it!) had to undergo the ritual for
three days. Now the jet setters barely get three days for the wedding
including the honeymoon!
Priorities have changed. The rituals are followed merely to satisfy the
whims of the aged parents or in order to show off the friends from
across the seas the 'elaborate' and traditional weddings we have.
Therefore the thread ceremony etc has become merely symbolic.
The wedding procession after lots of knee jerking dances on the beats of
loud jarring music, with added cacophony of 'Dholes' (Drums), winds its
way to the bride's place. One can observe the younger members of the
barat shuttling between the circle of baratis in front, where a virtual
dance competition is on, to the cars in the rear, the boots of which are
stacked up with choicest liquors, sodas, ice and of course the snacks as
well.
Dwarachar, that is welcome of the groom at the bride's door, was a
ceremony when the pundits of the two sides competed with each other in
announcing the pedigree of the forefathers in chaste Sanskrit. Blood
lines, social status and of course the horoscopes were considered as the
criteria for arranging the marriage. These are still the criteria today,
but more for rejecting the girls. Horoscopes become horror-scopes for
some of the poor daughters.
Baratis both with high spirits and high on spirits reach the bride's
place which is decorated like a fairyland. Loud music, chairs arranged
like a classroom, a wooden stage with rickety steps all covered with
thick carpets is the hallmark of the place. So loud is the music that
throats turn hoarse. Who can hear the genealogy, in this cacophony if at
all being announced by the Pundits!
Suddenly there is lots of flutter around and from the positioning of
video-cameras one can make out that the bride is about to reach the
dais.
There she walks in, in a slow motion, decked up to the core, with a make
up so heavy that it becomes difficult to make out if she is a human or a
humanoid! Accompanied by her mother and near ones all in the heaviest
silks, covered with jewellery from head to toe, the bride reaches the
groom. The ritual of Jaymala makes one feel a re-enactment of
yesterday's episode of the TV serial. The huge, garish chairs, perhaps
replica of 'sinhasans' seem to swallow the bride and groom! The
family members of both sides make a bee line for the memorable
photographs. Wonder how our parents of grandparents got married when
there were no cameras around! The local guests of both the sides are now
in a hurry, they jostle to reach to be wed pair, push envelop of the
gift into the bride's hand and make a dash for the venue of dinner.
After about 45 minutes the place has only empty, used plates and a few
sizzled baratis.
The bride and groom after dinner are whisked off to the room where the
wedding is to be solemnized. Traditionally the bride's pundit used to
announce the genealogy of her family once again and after invoking the
gods he used to guide the father to give the hand of his beloved
daughter to the illustrious groom. This was done as per a pre-decided
'lagna' or 'muhurt'. Alas the modern wedding procession devotes
more time in the vulgar display of booze and dance on the road and 'muhurt'
if any is lost in the cacophony.
By the time the couple takes oaths around the fire and performs the 'havan'
majority of the baratis and even near one of the bride is too tired to
remain awake. The newly wed have to remain awake, maintain a brave front
and prepare for the journey of the life.
March 31, 2007
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