We’re not talking about the old Playboy or Penthouse from years ago.
That stuff of yore is tame in comparison to what is more easily and
readily available without the embarrassment of taking it off the store
shelf. We are talking about the effortlessly accessible material from
the Internet, ready for the asking within the comfort of your own home.
With the accessibility and availability of porn from the Internet there
is no filter like the neighbor or grocery clerk looking over your
shoulder to cause any embarrassment or discomfort. Without these kind of
natural filters, anything goes. And apparently, anything does go.
More to the point, the more obscene, the more counter-culture, the
greater the audience as the material appeals to voyeuristic tendencies.
What starts as a sneak peak, turns into a long gaze followed by the hunt
for more graphic and more outlandish material. The titillation of simple
and softcore pornography wanes and the voyeur come viewer, come
consumer, eventually seeks material that is increasingly disturbing as a
deeper obsession-like desire develops for extreme forms of erotica.
Trailing behind is the partner of those persons obsessed by ever
increasing extreme forms of erotica and sexual gratification.
In the context of an intimate relationship, the partner is subjected to
greater demands for sexual experimentation. Eventually the request goes
beyond the partner’s comfort. A conflict develops with the partner
feeling blamed for not meeting the sexual needs of the one whose secret
passions are fueled by an undisclosed obsession with far more outlandish
forms of sexual behavior brought on by exposure to material from the
Internet.
For the one seeking the more outlandish forms of sexual behavior, their
time on the Internet has desensitized them and shifted their thinking in
terms of more usual forms of sexual expression. Further, the more usual
forms of sexual expression are now minimized or dismissed as too
simplistic and certainly unsatisfying.
When couples grappling with a conflict of sexual behavior are seen in
counseling, the issues may be disguised as a myriad of other conflicts.
If the issue is raised, it is often done sheepishly, particularly with
one being blamed a prude with the other whose sexual preferences has
shifted being presented as normal and reasonable.
From a gender perspective, this is most frequently but not exclusively
seen with the woman presented as prudish and the man as normal. There is
the air of controlling or power and control issues as typically the
fellow seeks to meet his needs for sexual gratification over the needs
and comfort of the woman. Careful exploration of this dynamic may show
other indicators or power and control issues, some as precursors to the
sexual issues.
Counseling is aimed not only at facilitating communication between the
couple with respect to mutually acceptable sexual behavior, but is also
aimed at addressing any co-existing power and control imbalances.
In addition to counseling, it may be necessary for the sexual adventurer
to step away from the porn to reduce the impact of sexual exploration
from the Internet. In other words, controlled access to the Net.
Monkey see, in this case, is not monkey do. It is not likely that your
partner will want to participate in the sexual behavior you see on the
Internet. Don’t push it and address what has become your own sexual
obsession.
September 12, 2009
Image under license with Gettyimages.com
By Arrangement with
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