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Stories More than a month passed. Anurag replayed all those moments of the last two years when Vikram had met them. That day in the Shopping Plaza, that evening in Mr. Sharma’s house, in Hotel Grand – were all these mere coincidences all trysts arranged by the two of them. When they had gone to see Preeti in the hospital Anurag had been standing outside the cabin with some of Vikram’s friends. Neha and Vikram were inside tending to Preeti. When they emerged ten minutes later, Neha’s eyes were fixed on Vikram. He was saying something and she was smiling. It was more like they were taking a walk in the park rather than coming out of a hospital cabin. Even they he had felt slightly uneasy. But because he trusted Neha completely and also respected Vikram he never gave it a second thought. “Neha, we go to office
together, come back together, have break fast lunch and dinner
together. We even go for swimming, table tennis and evening walks
together. When have you felt that I have not offered you emotional
support? You have discussed all your office politics, your problems
with your colleagues, with the union and so much more with me.
Whenever you needed me I have always been there. Then why did you
have to reach out to him?” Anurag asked her during one of their
sessions. And so on and on continued the arguments leading to bitter fights or sullen silences. Anurag found himself getting drawn deeper and deeper into a vortex of rage, frustration and hate. Neha had promised she would never speak to Vikram again and she had stuck to it. But for Anurag that wasn’t enough. In fact he himself did not know what he wanted. Anurag was convinced that there was nothing physical between Neha and Vikram. But that didn’t matter to him. To him an emotional betrayal was as sinful as a physical one. He had always trusted Neha more than anyone else in the world. To him she was as pure and pristine as it was possible for anyone to be. His mother had eloped with a man much younger, his father he knew had, had an affair with his colleague. Only his Neha was perfect. And now even his sweet, innocent and vulnerable Neha had betrayed him and this betrayal had left him an emotional cripple. A month after the revelation they were lying in bed. Neha snuggled up to him. “Kiss me,” she said. He turned towards her. She was wearing diaphanous nightie through which he could see her taut nipples. He kissed her and she responded hungrily. She moved on top and began kissing him all over. Normally he would have grabbed her there and then and made love to her. But he suddenly started finding her proximity stifling. She touched him. He was barely tumescent. “What happened Anu? You don’t want me. It has been so long. Today for the first time after marriage I am desperate. Of course, earlier you never gave me a chance to be desperate. You were all over me nearly every day,” She laughed kissing his mouth and darting her tongue inside. He still remained unresponsive. He looked at her – at her beautiful eyes. She returned his gaze. Were those lovely eyes seeing him or someone else? Was it he she was making love to or was it……..” He pushed her away and got up and went to the bathroom. He opened the shower and stood under it. What was happening to him? This was the last straw. For so many years he had fantasized that she would take the lead and make love to him. In all these years he had never stayed away from her for so long except during Akruti’s time and during his tour to Malaysia. In all these years the major fights they had been mainly because of his insistence that they make love every day and her pleading to be given a respite. And now after such a long gap when Neha herself was eager why was he shunning her? It was because the Neha was lying on the bed was not his pure and pristine Neha but a worldly wise, woman who had indulged in stealth and subterfuge and betrayed him. His Neha was dead and with her gone what was he doing here. He too had to go….. The next day he went around like a zombie. Neha tried her best to be normal, to strike a conversation but he responded in monosyllables. That night he tried his best to sleep but he couldn’t. He kept tossing and turning and the slipped into a fitful sleep. ~*~ Anurag woke up writhing – it was as if someone had plunged a knife and was twisting and turning it, slowly…… He got up. ‘I can’t exist with her, I cant’ exist without her, so it is better I cease to exist,” he wrote in his diary. He looked at her once again. She was sleeping peacefully. He went to Akruti’s room. Her eyes were closed and there was an angelic smile on her pretty face. He kissed her on her forehead. “I am sorry, princess. I hope you’ll forgive me,” he whispered. He came back to the bedroom. He was ready. Fifty tablets of calmpose ground to powder. He poured the powder in a glass of water and after stirring it drank it in one gulp. He then walked to the bed and lay down beside her. She turned towards him and snuggled up, her head on his breast. She was still asleep. He began gently stroking her head and waited for oblivion…… January 29, 2006 The Week of January 29, 2006
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