|
|
Society
Children Need Both
Parents
Post-separation parenting in Brazil is changing, with more and more
parents working out mutually suitable arrangements that allow both parents
a share in the parenting experience. The biggest change, though, is that
men want a greater recognition of the paternal role in parenting.
Lawyers say the best arrangements are worked out informally, without
interference from courts. Only, the parents must be able to establish a
mature relationship on the matter, in the interests of the children. "I
got custody of our son because I was financially better off and had more
time to care for him. My ex-wife wanted to devote more time to her career.
But there were no rigid rules. Our son was with me one day, with her the
next. We lived in the same street to facilitate this arrangement.
Many people feel that a child should have a fixed home. I believe that if
the child is comfortable, he will feel well," says José Carlos de Andrade
Corrêa, 42, a lawyer whose son was 18 months old at the time of his
divorce.
Brazilian law is also attempting to accommodate this complex new reality.
The Brazilian Civil Code, 1916 was amended in January 2003. Under the old
code, mothers were assigned priority in matters of child custody, and
fathers were granted visiting rights. The law is now more flexible, with
custody of the child going to the parent who is better equipped to raise
the child. This process was set in motion with the Brazilian Child and
Adolescent Statute, approved in 1990, which stipulated that when a child
reaches adolescence - 12 years in Brazilian law - she can choose which
parent she wishes to live with. Officially, joint custody is not yet part
of the law.
According to the Brazilian Institute for Geography and Statistics (IBGE),
in 1991, the country had 655,000 father-child families. In 2000, this
number jumped to about 1.1 million. Although this number represents only
two per cent of all homes in the country, the jump is phenomenal - in just
nine years. It is estimated that men request custody in about 30 per cent
of all custody suits in the country. And of the total number of separated
parents, roughly 10 per cent of men are granted custody of their children.
Figures notwithstanding, a large number of separated parents - both men
and women - see themselves caught in an unhappy situation. Fathers for
instance, perceive themselves caught in the traditional bi-weekly visits
format. Unhappy with judicial decisions, such parents have formed
associations or groups to to work towards a change in the laws. The
Association of Separate Parents of Brazil (APASE), created in March 1997
in the state of Santa Catarina, is represented in four other states as
well today. The past five years have seen a number of similar
associations springing up in various parts of the country.
The website PaiLegal (Nice Daddy), set up by programmer Paulo Habl in São
Paulo, is another example. "At the time of divorce, we just wanted it over
with and ended up accepting everything. I thought we could work everything
out through dialogue later. That didn't work and I found myself confined
to bi-weekly visits with my son," he says. His website argues strongly for
paternal presence in a child's life after a couple separates. "Each time I
met my son, we had to start over. After several frustrated attempts at
demanding the right to practice my fatherhood, I gave up. At least my son
was spared witnessing disputes he couldn't even understand. I cried for
more than a year. One day, my son and I will face each other and the
inevitable reality that all we have in common is the genes," Habl says.
IBGE estimates that between 1991 and 1998, while the number of divorces
went up by 32.5 per cent, the number of marriages fell by six per cent.
Habl says that about 20 years ago, men's view of paternity was very
different, and that this has been changing gradually over the years. "Most
men showed little interest those days. This emptied out my argument for a
legislative change in favor of fathers. That is the social conditioning
for men. Today, women have claimed their space in the job market, but men
are still to claim their space at home with the children," says Habl.
Women represent 35 per cent of the participants on Habl's website. Most of
them log on, to discuss the absence of men from parenting.
However, more and more people are considering joint custody, where fathers
and mothers share legal responsibility for children. Straightforward
though the idea is, it is not yet part of the Civil Code. Advocate Sandra
Regina Vilela, lawyer for PaiLegal, says, "Women should be the first to
carry that flag. We cannot have a legislation that privileges women with
the care of the children because that removes us from the job market.
Practicalities aside, there is also the emotional side: children need both
parents."
Few things in Brazilian law are implemented as seriously as the prison
sentence for failure to pay child support. On an average, every week, 10
prison orders go out from the Rio de Janeiro court alone. Many of them are
people who didn't pay small amounts of maintenance - BR$ 15 (1US$ = BR
2.6) to BR$ 60. They all have one justification: they are unemployed.
While the reality of Brazil's economic crisis impacts both women and men,
women who are not earning independently are the hardest hit. "I don't want
to sound frivolous, but it is my experience that a woman who is working
(earning) is ready to share custody. But when the mother depends on
maintenance for survival, she is worried about losing it if the child
changes address," says Ademar Paulino de Arantes Filho, one of the
directors of APASE. Filho lives 150 meters from his two children, aged
eight and 12, but can only see them fortnightly.
According to IBGE data, in 1998, only in 301 (of 71,000 divorces) cases
were parents given joint custody of the child. "We did everything we could
so the child is not harmed. Parents have to put aside selfishness to find
a way to share the pleasure and responsibility of bringing up children
after their separation. When my son was very small, I changed diapers and
fed him from a bottle. It was enormously satisfying. It's nice to remember
him sleeping on my stomach," says Corrêa, whose son is 12 years old today.
For parents to address custody issues in consideration of the best
interests of the child is a welcome development, of course. But long term
and favorable solutions can only be sustained if the social and economic
realities are simultaneously addressed.
– Marlinelza B de Oliveira
March 28, 2004
By arrangement with
Womens Feature Service
Top
| Society
|
|
