"The
relationship between husband and wife should be founded upon mercy,
compassion and tranquility. Men must treat women with kindness and
justice." So preached Prophet Muhammad and so teaches the Qur'an. And
yet, domestic violence as well as verbal and emotional abuse against
Muslim women is a significant problem in Muslim communities across the
country. In fact, a 1999 study of 200 Arab-American households revealed
that the majority of men and women interviewed approved of a husband
slapping his wife if she humiliates or strikes him first.
Sharifa Alkhateeb, who was the president of the North
American Council for Muslim Women in 1993, founded the
Peaceful Families Project in Northern Virginia in
2000. Four years after her death, her daughter Maha
Alkhateeb, a sociologist, and Salma Elkadi Abugideiri,
a therapist, took over the organization as
co-directors. Their work primarily provides awareness
workshops for Muslim leaders, cultural sensitivity
trainings for non-Muslim providers, and educational
resources. "We want to raise awareness about violence
and abuse within the immigrant community," says
Alkhateeb. "The idea of Muslim resources is new and
much needed." And so are shelters designed to meet the
specific needs of abused Muslim women, say experts.
There are unique aspects of various Muslim cultures
that make it especially difficult for abused women to
seek help. For example, as Abugideiri says, marriage
is highly valued and the belief is that it should be
preserved at all costs. Like abused women of all
cultures, Muslim women often believe they are the
cause of the problem, thinking of themselves as
inadequate, 'home-wreckers', or 'bad Muslims'. Some
think God is punishing them for past misdeeds. They
don't want to 'air dirty linen', especially at a time
when, as Alkhateeb puts it, "it's not exactly popular
to be Muslim in America".
Ruby Khan, Executive Director of the Hamdard Center
for Health and Human Services in Chicago, a
multicultural social service agency with a high
percentage of Muslim clients, says that after 9/11 it
became harder to make inroads into the Muslim
community. "There was discrimination against Muslims.
They felt antagonized by the media and afraid
generally, especially if they lacked documentation (as
many Muslim women do when their husbands withhold
their papers). So they closed up and didn't trust the
system."
Still, there are signs that women are seeking help,
and that at least some men are becoming more aware. A
growing number of agencies are providing information,
services and referral. One of them is
Philadelphia-based Sista2Sista, Inc., which serves
many African-American Muslim women. It has established
the only nationwide hotline for resources and
referral, which links callers to "Muslim-friendly
providers and services", according to its director,
Nafisa Cooper. Such providers better understand the
cultural components that come into play when dealing
with Muslim communities, including the fact that many
African-America Muslim women "are not so willing", as
Cooper puts it, "to turn their abusers over to an
unfair justice system".
KARAMAH, a national organization founded in 1993 by
Muslim women lawyers, offers women guidance in
navigating the American legal system while providing
Islamic-based legal advice. "We are a think tank and
want to help women find solutions to their issues from
an Islamic perspective," says Irfana Anwer, director
of KARAMAH's family law division. She adds that women
often feel comfortable coming to KARAMAH because,
unlike other resources, it is not mosque-based so does
not pose a threat to confidentiality.
A large part of the work being done with and for
abused Muslim women comes from interfaith programmes.
One of these is the Washington, D.C.-based Interfaith
Domestic Violence Coalition. Bonita McGee, a board
member of the Islamic Social Services Association -
USA, an organizational member of the coalition, says,
"We are helping to frame the national conversation. We
channel the common belief that the faith community has
a role to play, whether it is providing social
services or discussing policy issues."
Experts agree that it's easier to raise the issue of
violence and abuse within Muslim communities when one
can demonstrate that such abuse occurs across
communities, religions and ethnicities and is not only
a Muslim problem.
The Muslim religious community is becoming another
source of help. "Imams (spiritual leaders) and mosques
could be the tipping point," believes Ruby Khan. One
imam, noted for his leadership in helping families and
who understands the ramifications of domestic violence
and other forms of abuse is Mohamed Magid. In a 2006
interview with Alkhateeb, published in 'Change From
Within', Imam Magid said, "Imams need to acknowledge
the issue of domestic violence in their communities,
face the issues, counsel people. First is the
acknowledgement." Then, he said, comes "absolute
support" and "a basic knowledge of domestic violence
rather than just focusing on Islamic knowledge".
Imam Magid teaches that "domestic violence knows no
agenda. ... little boys are abused, elderly people are
abused. ...Domestic violence doesn't know age, doesn't
know culture, doesn't know religion, and doesn't know
economic status." But, he points out "mainly domestic
violence is against women, 95 per cent against women".
He also underscores that abuse isn't always physical.
"Women come to you completely emotionally exhausted,
broken, psychologically devastated."
He teaches that withholding money from a wife can
represent financial abuse and that it is not only the
husband who may be abusive; often sons are relegated
to punish their mothers. In his lectures, the Imam
refers to Qur'anic verses that "describe the ideal
concept of peaceful relationships" as well as
addressing passages "that people usually
misinterpret". The purpose of an imam, he says, is "to
put things in perspective and to set the record
straight".
Increasingly, with the help of imams, women's
committees in mosques, advocates and service
providers, both women and men in various Muslim
communities are listening, learning, and becoming
proactive about domestic violence. They are realizing
that abuse can be physical, sexual, verbal, emotional
and financial, and that domestic violence is not a
private matter to be ignored. Women are learning what
services are available, including where
Muslim-sensitive women's shelters are located, and
what hotlines to call. At the same time, counsellors,
shelter staff and others are gaining cultural
competence so they can better serve Muslim women.
"Although there is still a lot of work to be done,"
says Abugideiri, "the outlook for the future appears
hopeful."
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