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Society
Securing
Live-in Relationships
by
Ramesh Menon
Archana Baxi loves Delhi.
Living in the big city gives her the anonymity she did not enjoy in her
village in Punjab where she grew up. In Delhi, no one asks her prying
questions like why she isn't married yet or what she does with her huge
salary or why she lives in with her boyfriend - who shuttles between
Delhi and Mumbai.
Archana only dreads her mother's periodic visits to the city because,
like all mothers, Baxi senior voices her concerns on her daughter's
living arrangement. She worries about what would become of Archana if
her boyfriend decided to break off with her one day.
However, in what can be termed as a progressive move that will have a
far-reaching impact, the Maharashtra government recently proposed an
amendment in the Criminal Procedure Code (CrPC) that would give a woman
in a live-in relationship the right to seek maintenance post-desertion.
Of course, it would need the Centre's stamp of approval before it can
become a law. So, while it may be some more time before legal support
for women in long-term live-in relationships across India comes into
force, Archana's mother can at least lay some of her fears to rest.
The Maharashtra government recently approved a proposal where a woman in
a live-in relationship for a "reasonable period" of time would get the
status of a "wife". The approval came on the heels of the
recommendations of the Justice Malimath Committee, which said that if a
man and a woman are living together as husband and wife for a
"reasonably long period", the man shall be deemed to have married the
woman according to customary rights of either party.
The Malimath Committee was formed by the Centre to suggest reforms in
the CrPC. However, only Maharashtra has shown interest in protecting the
rights of women in polygamous relationships by working towards
implementing some recommendations. The Centre has comfortably chosen to
ignore them as they are bound to raise the hackles of the moral police.
When the proposed amendment was announced, critics immediately sprung up
to say that the move would encourage men and women to get into multiple
relationships outside of marriage. However, one of the major reasons for
this move was that numerous women were finding it very difficult to get
any assistance from men who had deserted them after living with them on
the promise of marriage in the future. In many cases, the women did not
even know that the man they had been living with was, in fact, already
married.
As per the Malimath Committee recommendations, the state government,
therefore, wants the CrPC to be amended so that the word 'wife' under
Section 125 includes a woman living with a man like his wife for a
"reasonably long period". This will ensure that these women are entitled
to alimony.
Points out Mumbai-based writer Rajendar Menen, who has widely written on
relationships, "I am sure people are living-in all over India
surreptitiously. It is like corruption and visiting sex workers. But it
is great that the government is finally accepting live-in relationships.
It is a step in the right direction."
When the amendment comes through, it will, for the first time, protect
the interests of women who have been taken for a ride by uncaring men.
But the state has yet to clarify how long the "reasonably long period"
should be. And this ambiguity many feel may give rise to bigamy. Menen
says, "As time passes, marriage, as an institution, will get less
important. It has already lost ground. A lot of people in urban settings
are living together. They don't trumpet the fact, that's all. As women
get more empowered and don't rely completely on men for financial
support, they will begin to choose their partners for reasons other than
monetary support. Thankfully, the balance is shifting now and men no
longer call the shots. But women's empowerment is a long and slow
process, and all this will take time in India which lives in so many
diverse time, cultural and economic zones."
Live-in relationships are definitely more glamorous and easy but
marriage has its advantages as well. Nick Powdthavee of the Department
of Economics at the University of Warwick in England carried out a study
of 9,704 married people at the university in 2005. The study revealed
that married people were deriving happiness from each other's happiness
unlike those who were just living together. The research also indicated
that marriage encouraged the habit of sharing among spouses who stood by
each other in both good and bad times.
Yet, living-in is a popular concept among the young. In fact, even those
who are not involved in such a relationship are all for it. Aloke Gupta,
a Mumbai-based software engineer, is not in a live-in relationship, but
says, "There is nothing wrong with a live-in situation. Different people
see marriage differently. Some use it to lose their virginity, some to
get dowry; some see it as a business deal, some to have children, and so
on. Only a few marry for love. So a live-in relationship makes so much
sense."
Menen adds, "The problem with marriages in India are the expectations.
There are in-laws and an extended family - they all want different
things from you. For example, during Diwali, I may just want to go and
relax by the seaside. I can do this if I am single. But if I am married,
I would have to be with my wife and visit people I don't want to meet,
shop for gifts, and participate in rituals I do not believe in."
But while for many people living-in is a matter of personal choice,
there are youngsters today who see it as a means of rebelling against
their families or society. Two people should live together only if they
are in love and seriously committed to each other, not to merely share a
pad and save on expenses like food and travel. They also have to be
strong enough to face social drama, as most people in India still do not
accept such relationships. Unfortunately, in cities like Delhi,
Bangalore and Pune there are many young people - especially in the BPO
industry - who get into a live-in relationship just to neutralize their
boredom. While some end up formalizing their tie with a marriage
certificate, for many things go sour and they just move on.
Given this reality, the Maharashtra government's move to give women the
right to seek maintenance post-desertion should be welcomed.
November 16,
2008
By arrangement with
WFS
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