Brahma Federal System:

Conversation of Four Heads

I am journalist Mr. Pokenose Sleuth. Once, I go to Heavens for an interview of Mr. Brahma. Reaching Heavens before time, I can not resist the temptation of an innings in Paparazzi. I hide behind a Parijata bush. I find Lord Brahma sitting on his Lotus throne. He wears his usual brahmanic uniform. His right lower hand is busy counting rosaries, and his left lower hand holds tight the latest edition of the Rig Veda before his frontal eyes. With his upper right arm he is combing the hair of the frontal head. His upper left hand gently smooches the Rishi-like beard of his Frontal head! He has his usual four heads. All but the frontal head are sleeping, er …may be closing their eyes and meditating.

I soon learn that the Heads call each other by names – Frontal, Leftist, Rightist and Backward!

What I find contrary to expectation is the different types of moustache-beard style sported by the different heads. Rightist alone is clean shaved. Leftist sports a butterfly, while Backward’s is rather dishevelled and betrays zero care! His moustache has grown so much that it cannot be distinguished anymore from the beard! To be more precise, the overgrown moustache has ambushed the bushy beard!

It is eternal spring time in Heaven. Parijata blooms all over. A gentle breeze blows. The Akash Ganga flows. A group of Apsaras are singing their way to the river. Their garments flutter and reveal what is not to be revealed.

Fontal raises his eyes. He can no more concentrate in the mantras. He opens his eyes wide open; take a full breath and remarks, ‘Ah! How nice! What shape! What motion!’

Rightist opens his eyes with a yawn, ‘Yea, such beautiful weather.’ He suddenly sees the Apsaras passing by, ‘Whoa! You are becoming self-centric Frontu!’ he cries, and adds, ‘Feel like writing a romantic lyric.’ His ecstatic exclamation spoils the sleep er … meditation of all others.

Leftist opens his eyes with a jerk, ‘Rightu, what happened? Is there any aggression?’

Frontal is irritated, ‘Always dreaming of aggression, violence, conflict! How melodramatic you are! Apsaras of course! Not your cup of Somrasa anyway!’

Leftist frowns, ‘Dreaming? You sleep and think others do that too! I was closing my eyes to contemplate rapid economic development of Heaven.’

Backward being faced to the opposite side cannot see anything. He gets another cause for his agitation-worthy issues, ‘Where Where? Why don’t you low down Frontu? I can at least have an upside view.’

Frontal resumes patience because the Apsaras are now bathing ; pays no heed to his request and goes on consuming the Apsaras with his eyes, ‘Apsara is Beauty, Beauty is Truth, Truth beauty! That is all ye know in Heaven, and all ye need to know[1]!’

Backward is furious, ‘All romanticism reserved for you! You privileged Frontu! Always after self-serving interests! When will you ever feel for the backward?’

Frontal sighs, ‘Spoiler spoiler! Politicking started as usual!’

Leftist is full of social agendas. He regards any aesthetics relating to woman as the worst form of capitalist culture and women themselves as the worst form of interruption to agendas, ‘Bogus capitalist culture! Don’t forget the agendas at hand. A Black Hole is causing much disturbance in the Large Magellanic cloud[2]. It is extorting matter and energy from the nearby stars. We cannot allow this. It must be nabbed before long and compelled to undergo a rebirth through Hawkins radiation[3]. Our indulgence might encourage it to create mini universes. Remember, our declared policy is a One Universe Republic. We cannot allow the birth of any other Brahma.’

Rightist frowns, ‘Lecturing as usual! Not update at all!’

Frontal – Rubbish! Prosaic idiots! Learn to live fully. Our lifespan is only one Kalpa[4]. See the unique creation of beauty. See how their hips swing; see how they are weighed down by their own … (caresses his breast with upper left hand) feel like creating more human forms. We are whole-timers in creation business, don’t forget!

Leftist bursts out into laughter, ‘Hey Rightist! You jam your brain with bourgeoisie newspapers of Narada production house and consider yourself update?’

Rightist imitates his laughter derisively, ‘Ha Ha! Nonsense! You contemplate manifestos, so you are update! Do you know that quantum terrorists of earth are predicting that there are eleven dimensions? Do you chance to know that there might be multiverses[5]?’

Leftist – Fuh! Remember, a manifesto is the manifestation of divine already in God[6]. What is in manifesto is everywhere, what is not, is nowhere![7]

Rightist nods, ‘There are more things in Heaven and Earth Lefto, than dreamt of by your manifesto[8].’

Backward has so long been trying to twist his head. He is sulky and angry, ‘I still cannot see any Apsara. You liars! There’s no Apsara. Hallucinating hags!’

Rightist is choked with laughter, ‘Grapes are sour!’

Backward is furious, ‘How dare you! I may be marginalized, but I am not the one to take it lying down! You can never extinguish the fire of protest in me, despite all your unholy endeavours to keep me out of the development process.’

‘Evil effects of Derrida[9]! That good-for-nothing central-marginal business! Casting shadow on such a brightly beautiful atmosphere’, quips Frontal.

Backward raises his voice, ‘Expected comments from Central and privileged Frontu! Only babbling right to equality! No genuine sincerity in bringing about democratic reforms! Hell with privilege, Hell with hegemony!’

Rightist – Abominable habit of sloganeering! Frontu, can’t you stop him?

LeftistBacku immaturely carries matters to extreme no doubt, but I must admit he is right! He is deprived of privileges; his rights are too often violated. Besides, I will not brook with any attempt to throttle the right to freedom of protest.

Backward is very encouraged. He launches some other choicest slogans, ‘Smash the black-hands of autocracy’, ‘the fight for equality continues, continue!’

Rightist is furious at the commotion, ‘Yes yes, go on back-stabbing, you terrorist!’
Frontal – What’s new in these arguments, Leftu? Better chisel your voice at the Standing Committee Meeting over these issues. If at all Backu wanted a solution he should have joined our standing committee, instead of dozing off wilfully at the time of such meeting. And for the sake of real politick, Leftu, you should have convinced him to join us. There is no system better than a federal democracy.

Leftu – Why remember me now? You have kept me out of the core committee!

Right – Ah! There it pinches! He wants a core committee seat!

Frontal is very polite and understanding. He explains, ‘System stability needs a leading head. And for convenience of policy-framing the core committee has been constituted. Besides, it was formed by purely democratic process. I proposed it and Rightu seconded it. Though you dissented, the resolution was adopted by majority. I myself got a berth in the core committee because Rightu proposed my name.’

- And you proposed his! Birds of a feather flock together.

- Yes, as a mark of gratefulness. Heart is all important in democracy. Esa praja-patir yad hrdayam[10]. Don’t forget you all enjoy bliss of creating human form by my virtue. Where are you heart, your gratefulness? Now don’t make us weak from within. That would be even more harmful than sabotage. Don’t forget as Standing Committee members you enjoy equal right.

– Same old constitutional eye washes! Pouring equality above, and draining it by secret hole below!

– Shame Shame! As if we are separate! Don’t forget I was the first borne. So it is by seniority that I am the frontal one. Don’t forget when I came out of the egg, you all had no existence. Don’t forget your birth was occasioned by a historic necessity, that of viewing Shatarupa[11]!

Backward swings back into action, ‘Yea! And I was the second born! How do you forget that now? Has my seniority ever been respected? I am victimised by the black and evil natural laws of neck-fixation! We are such supreme under your leadership that our creation, the owl, surpasses us in this respect! My seniority rights are violated without remedy!’

Leftist – How right you are Backu! Frontu’s leadership could not procure for us more than just 3 temples in the entire world! Vishu[12] and Shibu have so many followers, so many fan-clubs, but we have none! No image of us, no serious worshipper!

Rightu – It is Frontu’s credit that amidst all such chaos, Frontu is still maintaining the structure of unipolar world! How dare you challenge his iron leadership, his ideology?

Leftist - Ha Ha! That old myth of Frontu! He occasionally takes it out of the carpet to douse our fire of protest. I have read Althuser[13], mind it. I know a bit about ideology. Our birth-story is an absolute absurdity. Pray tell me who laid the egg, who incubated it. Also, whether it was native or poultry, Ha Ha!

Backward is exalted on hearing his favourite topic, ‘Right right! Capitalist and elitist propaganda sustained and nourished by a capitalist Narada media! Gross mythical manipulation of history to marginalize historical dialectics, and reduce us to hens!’

Frontal can hardly believe his ears, ‘Do you doubt your own origin Backu and Leftu, your tradition, your root? Has hankering for power reduced you to sceptic thus?’

Rightist snips, ‘Conscious of History but over-conscious of Apsara! Some real synthesis of Backu!’

Leftist – I agree with Backu on his valuable assessment of history, except the Shatarupa matter as a probable cause of our origin. This Shatarupa matter is an absolute non-necessity of history. It must be entirely obliterated from history.

Frontal becomes nostalgic at the very mention of Shatarupa, ‘Shatarupa … Shatarupa… Shatarupa …a thing of beauty is a joy forever’.

Leftist cautions, ‘Beware! When Frontu rakes up sentiments, he is up to some game.’

Backward’s voice trembles with the pride of glory, ‘My party-line differs from you Leftu! I firmly believe I took birth for an ideology – Shatarupa. But she was made to vanish no sooner from our view. That is because of Frontu-Rightu’s capitalist conspiracy! Thereafter I was dumped! I cannot deny the historic necessity of ideology’.

Leftist – Hah! You equate Shatarupa and ideology. What purpose is such ideology then, if it fixes you perpetually at the back?

Backwards tone is coolly complacent like one who has seen it much, ‘With all due respect to you comrade, the very basis of our class-struggle is Shatarupa. As my class-struggle is a reality, there must be a historic cause to it, which cannot be anything other than Shatarupa. She validates my struggle.’

‘And particularly your aspiration for a dictatorship!’ pricks Rightist.

Frontal is sombre with the weight of a lofty principle, ‘Shatarupa is high above your petty politicking Leftu and Backu!’

Leftist – Pray, why couldn’t we catch her then? You had quite a shape-changing spree!

Frontal is dejected. He nods sadly, ‘Yes, that’s a universal Truth. She cannot be caught. Vidata devised this! Vidata conceived her as an eternally evading epitome of beauty!’

Backward – You dumped me, and now you put the blame on a mythical Vidata! Such belief is opium, intended to perpetuate the repressive class-structure of our heads!

Rightist – Why do you do a child?

Backward – Another ploy to throttle my protesting spirit by downplaying me! Leftu and yours profiles are at least visible, but what about me? I feel like the guard of an electric train, I feel like the rear-facing passengers of a Tanga[14]! I am tired of viewing our own hoary back and hairy butt!

Frontal – We all have to be contented with the place Vidata allotted us.

Backward - And what about the occasional stormy releases? I have to bear the brunt of the most violent of pungent storms! And all these ignominy despite being second born!

Rightist – Hey Leftu! Where is your pet theory? Tell him those are the sighs of indigestion of our proletariat fifth comrade!

Leftist – As a matter of policy I do agree with Backu. The wretched one is always deprived in a press meet or photo session. Frontu draws all the limelight.

Rightist – How come bourgeoisie press and media become so important to him or to you? Actually Backu misses the Shwas-o Ki Khusbu[15] of close ranging youthful gandharva journalists, that’s why he protests!

Backward – Shut up, you opportunist! You privilege-monger!

Rightist – Hum... Caution Frontu. Backu is inclining to extreme leftism! This might destabilise our system! And unfortunately, Leftu is fuelling him for petty political gains.

Leftist – No! Both of us think in socialist terms though, our party-lines are different! I would request Backu to think of revolution within a federal system. It is out of a historic necessity that we have acquiesced to this bourgeoisie system for the time being.

Rightist – F[16] with your pretensions. Once you regarded federal democracy a pigsty!

Leftist – That was a historic blunder. I learn from history. I now believe in revolution by democratic means. I now believe in utilising the capitalist system itself to bring about revolution.

Frontal – How strange that Leftu and Backu should strengthen our class enemy Shibu’s hands thus! Have you forgotten that for our civil strife we lost our fifth upper head to Shibu? Just imagine the political clout we would have had, had we been five! You fellows threw discipline to the winds, and Shibu taking that opportunity ambushed our fifth comrade[17]. Have we yet recovered from that loss? Have we forgotten the martyrdom of fifth Headu for a noble cause? Will fifth Headu’s martyrdom go in vain?

Backward – Why blame Shibu? Why do you forget your Vidata’s will now?

Right – Take note, take note! I guessed it right. Remember Frontu, how Leftu and Backu tacitly supported Shibu and even regarded our fifth head as fifth column! They themselves were that! Backu must have taken opportunity of his advantageous position and has done a secret deal with Shibu. May be Shibu has loaned him some of his ghost cadres to behead Fontu from the back! God knows what Backu does at our back. It’s time Frontu to take up a mirror and monitor.

Leftist – You have an abominably low historic sense! We supported Shibu because that was the historic necessity of that time. We no longer support it because our party-line has changed, and we now think nationalism an essential phase to revolution!

Backward – Don’t say ‘we’. My line has not changed. Shibu indeed attacked us in 1962 Kalpa-year to emancipate us. Otherwise fifth-column fifth-head would have controlled us from above!

Frontal – You are right Rightu! I also have a feeling that Backu might soon raise the slogan ‘the Chairman of Kailash is our Chairman[18]!’

Backward cannot bear anymore. He immediately starts sloganeering – ‘Crush the Frontu-Rightu secret unholy entente,’ ‘Down with Frontu-Rightu’s fascism,’ etc.

Frontal – Alas! Alas! All unity gone! All camaraderie gone!

Right – There is hope yet Frontu. Time to launch a great purge[19]. Empty neck is better than a rogue head! Internal discipline must be established at any cost.

Backward – Internal discipline? Giving unbridled power to Central Frontu and mouthing big talks?

Leftist – Backu definitely has a point.

Rightist – Why prick man? Frontu is our face, and a polished cultured face at that. See how innocently Rishi-like and non-violent he looks! An Ashura once tore away a petal of our multipetal Lotus and is still occupying it, but he has kept patience! Such faith in Ahimsa alone can a great federation make! Otherwise multi-universals won’t invest. Only agriculture and that too heavy dependence on cultivation of Soma and Parijata cannot a prosperous Heaven make. We must draw investment with Frontu’s image!

Frontal – See, what a gem of a rationalist Rightu is! Old idyllic days are gone, and globalisation has endowed us with new responsibilities. Can’t we live in harmony?

Backward – Harmony? Just see Frontu’s privileges. He can observe our Bhuundi[20] at will, he can trim his beards at will, he can scratch Khujl [21] at will, and we? He has absolute monopoly over the four arms of our federation. We have mouths but no resources to feed us; we have itches but no means to meet their sweet demand.

Leftist – You have definitely improved a lot. Why don’t you leave aside our major differences and pretend them to be minor for the time being? Your joining me will certainly force a reform in the constitution of standing and core committee.

Backward – How can I? You have formed a coalition with Frontu’s central government and have a secret deal with him to use his arms to get a clean shave and maintain that comical butterfly stuff!

Leftist – You should not misunderstand me like that. That is just a phase! You see, how I share your grievances! I am also dumped at the side of the most neglected double left armpits! Frontu seldom applies Parijata deodorant there! Yes Frontu you owe me an answer. You monopolize all production and means of production

Backward flashes, ‘… and reproduction too! The single means of that most important business is also under Frontu’s absolute command! After I succeed (which I definitely will) in establishing dictatorship of the proletariat I will at once take up the matter with Vidata for his niggardly allotment! Why should the ratio be 4:1? I am compelled to face the sky at the time of all creative spells! By the way, I hear a Stomach-Nada!’

Frontal – Om! Theorists and gluttons! It’s Brahma nada polluted by your NAD-FAD[22]!

Leftist – Ummm…. Backu is right. Some uncanny sound is interrupting our Brahmanada! Remember, stomach is the foundation of a successful revolution. Besides, brain researchers now opine that there is another brain out there - enteric nervous system. It supplies 85% serotonin required for emotion! We must applaud its worker spirit.

Rightist – Naturalist idiot! Romantic spoiler! Damn you, your statistics and hormone!

Backward – You utopian idiot! What Backu informs now, I guessed long time back. The fifth brain can no more be marginalized. We must acknowledge it as a brain. This is our real fifth head!

RightistBacku is hanging a political carrot for the stomach only to escape its releases! Dear Frontu, I told you over and over again not to yield to Leftu and Backu’s choice of food and eat those Supernovas. They are purely labour class foods. We must not have foods that come without package! Our common minimum stomach would be at stake soon, and might fall a prey to Leftu and Backu’s false ideology.

Frontal – Who will make them see reason, pray? They only eat and belch! It is in the interest of a healthy confederation that I occasionally yield to demand of these provincial heads. It is I who has to carry the weight of our belly for them! And even then they would object to my leadership! Such ungratefulness!

Leftist – Aren’t you ashamed calling us provincial? Isn’t it a step-brotherly attitude?

Backward – Yes. Whatever is there inside your belly, we too have that! I demand immediate abolition of life-time single-head leadership; I demand leadership by rotation like the Head of the Departments of earthly Universities to enable equal suffering from stormy releases; I demand distribution of the four arms equally among us, I demand …..

A hullabaloo ensues, as all the Heads start shouting all at once.

At this point, I become over-enthusiastic and am spotted. Immediately the four stop the ruckus and become one! A powerful Yakssha is called upon and I am shown red-card on the charge of immoral action of sneaking into ‘Apsara bathing zone’ and trying to spy into the Apsara-secrets! I try hard to explain that I have an appointment with Lord Brahma, but no one listens. I am simply kicked out of Heavens!

Now, I need your support in the greater interest of democracy. Won’t you come forward? Donations may please be sent to ………..


[1] ‘Beauty is Truth, Truth Beauty, / That is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.’ – ‘Ode on Grecian Urn’ by Keats.
[2] The Large Magellanic Cloud (LMC) is a dwarf galaxy that orbits our own galaxy, the Milky Way. It is at a distance of about fifty kiloparsecs (˜160,000 light-years). It has about 1/20 the diameter of our galaxy and 1/10 the number of stars (i.e. about 1010 stars).
[3] A form of radiation believed to emanate from black holes, arising from the creation of pairs of subatomic particles in the space adjacent to the black hole, with one particle falling into the black hole and the other radiating away. The energy lost to such radiated particles is believed to cause the eventual disappearance of the black hole.(
[4] (in Hinduism) immensely long period of time between the creation and end of the world
[5] Theoretical possibility in Astronomy in which our universe is but one of an enormous number of separate and distinct universes also known as alternate universes
[6] Swami Vivekananda said, ‘Education is the manifestation of Divine already in man.’
[7] About the Mahabharata it is said, ‘What is here in Bharata is everywhere, what is not here is nowhere.’
[8] ‘There are more things in Heaven and Earth Horatio, than dreamt of by your philosophy’ – Hamlet by Shakespeare.
[9] Jacques Derrida (July 15, 1930 – October 8, 2004) was an Algerian-born French philosopher, known as the founder of deconstruction. His voluminous work had a profound impact upon continental philosophy, French philosophy, and literary theory.( One important aspect of Derrida’s theory of Deconstruction is Central-marginal free-play.
[10] 'This heart within us is God Himself' - Third Brahmana of The Brihadaranyaka Upanishad
[11] 'Another story in connection with Brahma's four heads is that when Brahma was creating the universe, he made a female deity known as Shatarupa (one with a hundred beautiful forms). Brahma became immediately infatuated. Shatarupa moved in various directions to avoid the gaze of Brahma. But wherever she went, Brahma developed a head. Thus, Brahma developed five heads, one on each side and one above the others. In order to control Brahma, Shiva cut off the top head. Also, Shiva felt that Shatarupa was Brahma's daughter/son, being created by him. Therefore, Shiva determined, it was wrong for Brahma to become obsessed with her. He directed that there be no proper worship in India for the "unholy" Brahma.'(
[12] vishnu
[13] 'Louis Pierre Althusser (Pronunciation: altu?se?) (October 16, 1918 – October 23, 1990) was a Marxist philosopher. He was born in Algeria and studied at the prestigious École Normale Supérieure in Paris, where he eventually became Professor of Philosophy.' ( He is famous for his theory on ideology as a means of exploitation.
[14] A passenger-carriage drawn by horse
[15] Sweet breath
[16] Of course the F word! What else?
[17] According to one Purana, Shiva cut off Brahma’s fifth head being angry with the fact that Brahma became sexually addicted to his own daughter Saraswati or Shatarupa.
[18] The Naxalites (Maoists) of Bengal once raised the slogan, ‘The chairman of China (i.e. Mao Tse Tung) is our chaiman.’
[19] The Great Purge is the name given to campaigns of political repression and persecution in the Soviet Union orchestrated by Joseph Stalin during the late 1930s. It involved the purge of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union and the persecution of unaffiliated persons, both occurring within a period characterized by omnipresent police surveillance, widespread suspicion of "saboteurs", imprisonment, and killings.(
[20] A Bengali word meaning ‘Protruding inflated belly’
[21] Itches around genital region
[22] Craze for sex! (My coinage)



More by :  Indrajit Bandyopadhyay

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