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Because Even a Mosquito Can
Make You An Eunuch!
|by Dr. Deepak Pawar|
“Kyonki saala…, ek machchar aadmi ko hijra bana sakta hai!” said Nana Patekar in one of his filmi avatars. May I add to this by saying that I have also experienced a sense of helplessness and reduction to a state of regressive silliness due to these bloodthirsty irritants. I hasten to add, however, that I have never experienced what Nana Patekar has said!
Squashing mosquitoes has to be one of the most exasperating experiences! Those things seem to have a mind of their own. There you are, flitting across the newspaper or quietly downing a snack, and suddenly, out of nowhere, one comes along, with an audacity to kiss your skin again and again. They dart about too, and are experts at dodging those well-directed blows that you inevitably deliver, in a vain attempt to squash one.
Worse, you may have to endure telling self-inflected blows if one pesky little thing escapes unhurt after having settled itself on your surface anatomy. Even worse, if your blow lands on an exposed part of your surface anatomy and somebody passing by has the gumption to ask you “My, what happened there?” Somehow “Oh, you know, I was trying to kill a mosquito and ended up slapping myself,” does not top the list of things you would want to say in reply, lest you are prepared to be a subject of public ridicule at every little human gathering thereafter. You end up mumbling an excuse and hoping fervently that the questioner would somehow retreat. If it is somebody with a poky nose and your mumbling does not shake him off, then you may be left wondering ‘who is more pesky- the mosquito or this guy?’
On the other hand (quite literally!), looking at the more optimistic scenario of this pursuit, if you do manage to squash one, you then have to make the effort to get off your posterior and cleanse your bloodied hand thoroughly. However, if you are the more unfortunate ones with OCD, then good luck with getting your hand back to its pre-squash pristine glory!
There is no shortage of the number of things available to launch at these airborne darts in a bid to annihilate them. You could use the spray in long tin canisters, which promises the earth these days and you could use it to kill a variety of creepy-crawlies. Some enterprising innovators came up with that cross between a tennis racquet and an electric fence (how did they hit upon this idea?), which can be used to deliver an electrifying forehand smash with instant results. The only downside is that the wretched thing stops working when the rechargeable battery wears out.
Of course, you can always smear yourself with repellent creams, like a blushing bride would apply turmeric paste. On the other hand, you could get yourself one of those bewildering array of liquid repellents, which unfortunately, in my experience, do little to get rid of them. If all else fails, go back to that green Sudarshan chakra, the mosquito coil, that is, if you are not an asthmatic. Or, if you are as resourceful as our multi-limbed divine avatars, then you could hold each of these items in each of your hands, ready to rid the world of the buzzing curse!
Mosquitoes, like cockroaches, it seems, are here to stay. You just have to hope and pray that the one that sucks your blood, does not at the same time, inoculate you with the Dengue virus or the malarial parasite. And try not to clap your hands too much because saala… even a mosquito can make you an eunuch!
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