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Continuing To Dream
|by Ananya S Guha|
My childhood dream was becoming a thespian. I loved the school stage, recite on it, act and sing on its ramparts. I loved, always to have an audience. I was tired of the rigmarole of listening, especially in the classroom, and its cloistered four walls. The stage in the school hall, gave more flexibility in terms of self expression and movement. I was disappointed if I was left out of a play, or even the school choir.
I always wanted an audience to address, and not being addressed to. The flotsam and jetsam, of the veritable ego I'm sure, were working wonders, in mind, body and soul. But sports was a bit of anathema, long jump, high jump, triple jump, hundred metres- dashes and hyphens, big question marks! But the stage, yes that was a wonder, it had movement, fluidity, seemed to be in constant flux, where life was enacted, re-enacted, even staged.
After that, came a time where I wanted to be a teacher. I didn't like being taught, but here I wanted to teach! This was paradoxical, and showed signs of an inverted if not contradictory ego. But here it was, I made up my mind, when I grew up I would be a teacher. I played the make belief game of 'teacher teacher' and wielded the imaginary stick or addressed an imaginary classroom; or better still corrected imaginary answer scripts! It was a fabled world which was imagined but delightful. It had a Freudian touch somewhere connecting reality with dreaming and make belief. This lasted for quite sometime for I was convinced that I would be a teacher one day.
The next phase was the imaginary world of a cricketer, a leftie who would open the innings. This was sheer fantasy. Firstly, it was to play for the school, next to play for the district, then the state and finally of course the country. Needless to say I did not make it even to the school team! However, such fantasy steeped inside me into the realms of a fabulous world. The real and the fabulous once again intersected in complex ways of day dreaming.
As I look back upon such dreams and fantasies I realize that the dream world and the world of reality cross connect in different ways and manifestations, and they are essentially wish fulfillment. Today I am both an academic and a teacher, but I continue to dream.
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