Dilemma of a Writer: What should I write?

Words.. I have always been fascinated by the power of words. Its amazing what words can do. Lighten a heart, tell a story, give a message, portray an emotion and may be take away your sleep.

Every word that's written has a special meaning in it, meant sometimes just for the reader and sometimes for everyone. It depends on the writer what he or she portrays it to be. And today, as I type these words that flow through my mind, I wonder about how did I stumble on writing as a hobby. I remember myself writing poems back in school when I was less than 8 years old. When I had just known that there is a difference between a guy and a girl, when I had wondered on things like "why does mom have to go and read dad's letters in a separate room all by herself?" and I had written a poem on that too. My family had a great laugh on it.

Over the years though, as words have begun to flow out of me more readily, I know the kind of "writer blocks" that I come across when I put words to my feelings or my feelings into words. It's a lot easier when I have to do the latter because I know my emotions on something and I just have to give it a face. The hard part comes when I have to unerringly "develop" feelings for something, or give some emotions to a face. Take the writer's workshop for example. I just love writing for it. But it takes me hours, days sometimes weeks to pinpoint JUST the right emotion that the image would make me feel. Now that's fine you'd say, but hey, I can practically see that image flowing through my mind all day long, all night long! And then sometimes in the middle of the night I turn on the light and my mom comes in "don't tell me you're on your writing frenzy again?" I've just gotten this brilliant idea. I can't let time get me down now! Not when I have to turn in my contribution by tomorrow evening! 

There was another time when I was in the middle of a meeting at work and got all dreamy eyed when someone said, "do you know?" Though I was jerked back to reality without warning, those three words were the key inspiration to me for the next workshop!

So there I sit down to write late into the night and one by one the words begin to come. But when I read them again. What do I find? Either the words are not right or the right words are not there! I think of all the famous writers and novelists I'm so fascinated by and the way their creation has taken me over each time I've read it or heard it. Say Javed Akhtar the famous lyricist from India and Daniel Steel - the world-famous novelist. If they can come up with so many words over the years, I shouldn't give myself another choice but to go on if I wish to be like them someday.

I realize that this is the best I can do at this minute so I go back to bed. Self-defense mechanisms work best in circumstances like these. You see, Asia is a couple of hours ahead of the US so I tell myself "make sure you send in your contribution before the date changes in the US!"

On the next day, Finally, I have everything ready and I'm about to click "send" to submit my contribution when I want to change a line from something like "the perfect theme" to "the essence of my being". Quickly I make the correction and send it off just in time for the clock to turn mid night in the US!

Now I'm free until the next workshop. Thank God! One day goes by, another day goes by and I think "why is the next workshop pic not up yet?" its like an addiction. The more I write, the more I crave for it. The want never goes. Despite the fact that I run short of words and vocabulary and short of time sometimes, it seems I'm never short of ideas. All a writer needs is some inspiration. The fire of words never dies down in me. It's an ever-glowing flame that's made stronger by the firewood of inspiration from writers of all sorts all over the world and workshops on Boloji. 

As I wait for the next workshop image, I write this article as my first attempt at humor. You can imagine how long it must've taken me to arrive at this. How humorous is it that's for you readers to decide. So over to you.   


More by :  Bijal Dwivedi Mehta

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