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|by Ramandeep Sidhu|
(When God is in dilemma he plays with people and many fall into the trap. I did too but I learnt a fact of life. A good lie saves relationships. Here’s how you can benefit from this)
I used to tell people that when you can tell the truth and get the job done then where is the need to lie. But with time I realized that it’s not as simple as I believed it to be. Most people cannot handle the truth.
So I reframed the philosophy that if you can lie and have it then why bother so much with the truth. I am not a habitual liar but I have no qualms in admitting that I have lied and saved myself from many heartaches and emotional disasters.
My optimism always preceded my doubts. I never believed in finding an alternative ending to my relationships.
The only problem/challenge with lying is that you have to have an amazing memory to remember all the lies you have told, and people you have lied to. One should always try to be honest, no matter how unpleasant it may be. However, there are moments when the relationships are fragile and the connection with the partner is not strong enough to handle the consequence of truth. There are times when relationships need encouragement rather than criticism. I truly believe that these are the moments when a lie can actually save a relationship. (For example even if you are not feeling great about something you should always say that you feel amazing and save the unpleasantness)
Whenever my relationship was rocky and going thru a bad phase, I confessed to my friends and parents about it without realizing that I was involuntarily triggering negative feelings towards my partner. I used to feel the need to talk about the negatives of my partner so much with someone and several days later, regretting doing it. I guess I didn’t have the maturity and patience to hold these feelings inside. Unfortunately I was never mindful of whom I was sharing these feelings with, mostly turning to a friend I never fully understood. Hurtful thoughts are often meant to offend others. A good lie is conveyed to defend those we love. Sometimes they are not deserving of our grace. Some battles are best not fought. The principle of forgive and forget saves relationships. Somebody once told me that one should never get emotionally attached with the outcome if one cannot control it. But what that person forgot to tell me was what to do when the outcome was desirable like a fresh breath of air.
I have persevered with many people for a long time because of my selfish reasons. But what causes you stress always teaches you a lesson even if it stings for a bit.
If stats are to be believed then one out of 3 marriages will fail. My belief is that around 80 percent of those failures could be turned around only if the couples practice the principle of forget and forgive. Feelings can be misleading if they are prompt and spontaneous. Before opening a can of worms to your partner one must weigh whether the outpour is justified or it may be regretful later.
It is to be remembered at all times that we all need confidence even if it is delusional. A hurtful lie is about deceiving others. A good lie is about perceiving the potential in your partner, and giving them the encouragement and confidence to achieve what they want. It’s time I tell you about the principle of appreciate-warn-appreciate. It was about sandwiching the message between two praises. It worked wonderfully in my personal and professional life.
In my all-time favorite movie, “Lord of war” there is a very interesting philosophy on relationships. “Some of the most successful relationships are based on lies and deceit. Since that's where they usually end up anyway, it's a logical place to start.”
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