One of the strongest devotions of physical unconditional love is the one between a mother and her son. I was fortunate to have a mother who doted on her son no matter how boisterous or cheeky he was and I doted on her. She also happened to be one of life's true Angels and would run around helping anyone in the neighborhood who needed a helping hand. Wherever there was distress, my mother was present to bring her affection and caring. She also worked full time at home as an out-worker sewing buttons on raincoats.
Unfortunately, I only had twenty-three years to experience, savor and embrace my mothers physical love, for she died far too young at the tender age of fifty-five. She suffered many illness before she died, all brought about by the stress and strains of worrying about other peoples misfortunes and adversities. She never had time to take care of herself and was always disquieted about the well being of all the people she knew and loved. I never ever heard her say a bad word about anyone she met. Florence Levy was a real Florence Nightingale reincarnate. Even today thirty-five years after her passing, the few people left who knew her, still speak in glowing terms of the deeds of an unsung hero....my mum. She was a True Angel.
The last five years of her life was spent in and out of different hospitals. Whilst her health was declining, I fell in love with a seventeen year old girl and got married. I was just nineteen year old and fathered two children in the first eighteen months. I was not sure where they came from, but it was sure was a great deal of fun finding out. I also started my own little textile business a few weeks before I got married. I had just sixty dollars in my pocket (My worldly wealth) to buy a few cloth remnants, which I sold at the local town market. I was not taking any risks at that time, for when you have next to nothing (monetary speaking)..... the only place to go is up.
My divine Joy was my treasure and it was (And still is) the force that would take me through all the trials and tribulations of the approaching years of disheartenment, although at the time I could not
analyze it ... I could just simply live it.
So, here I was newly married with two children and all my spare time was spent visiting my mum in hospital and in a sick bed at home. The last two years were the most traumatic as she underwent four major operations. The last one was on her liver and she never recovered from the operating theater. The day she a died was an utter devastation and tears streamed down my face from morning till night and into the wee hours. I remember sleeping for a couple of hours and then waking up to the nightmare of my dear mothers funeral. In the Jewish religion you are buried the day after you die. There is also the custom of sitting 'Shiva' for a week for prayers and mourning. My mourning was so deep, that no customs could help ease the pain.
Heart rendering waves of grief surged all through my very being the whole of the funeral day. For a young frivolous, simple man who always lived in joy, the suffering was an utter disintegration of all my senses. The spirit wrenching grieving was beyond anything I could have imagined. At the grave side I had to shovel dirt onto my mothers coffin which was lowered six feet into the ground, The thud of the
dirt hitting the cheap wooden casket lives with me still thirty-five years later.
That night was the first night of sitting 'Shiva' and all the members of the family and friends came to the house at seven thirty for prayers and a few words of condolence from the rabbi. I was in no mood for formalities. I hardly spoke or was even aware anyone was in the room. That night in bed my head hit the pillow and I went into a deep, deep sleep. I know I embodied some strange dreams that night,
but in all honesty I cannot remember what they were.
The next day all the tears had dried up inside and as the day progressed I was feeling lighter and lighter. By the time it came to say evening prayers my whole demeanor changed and the transformation was truly remarkable. I glowed like a beacon of celestial light. When folks came back that evening for prayers I greeted them all with a radiating smile and a joke....Yes, a Joke. The mood for me had turned from one of grieving to one of a rejoicing glow. I felt like singing and dancing, instead I enthusiastically sang my prayers. The people all around me started to get quite worried thinking I had flipped my lid and gone crazy. They had never accused me of being normal anyway.
At the time I could not explain my returned happiness. But, I did know my mother had not left me, she was still close-by. My love for her was as strong as ever, as it is now, at this very moment.
She has gone no-where, for she is now-here inside of me. I knew I miss her physical beauty, charm and touch, but she is deep inside me and as I love her so much, I do not want her to be unhappy. I knew if I am sad, she will also be sad. Considering we are together eternally, it makes sense to make this life ....... a joy filled one together.
My mother sends her love to you and tells me your dear heavenly Angels are watching over You.... And truly want You...... to enjoy life. You should understand.... All the Angels advise us that, in the final analysis, without the illusions of life and death, there would be no room for any-thing, in the physical ... to grow.
More by :
Top | Women