Dec 01, 2023
Dec 01, 2023
In the life partnership' earlier a women did not have much say. She was assumed to adjust under all circumstances. She was solely responsible to make a happy situation at home front no matter what it took to sacrifice.
In the life partnership' earlier a women did not have much say. She was assumed to adjust under all circumstances. She was solely responsible to make a happy situation at home front no matter what it took to sacrifice. I am glad this situation has changed. However, we find now that modern marriage is undergoing a lot of stress and hardships. May be because the rights of partners are being misinterpreted. We find more couples now have to enter the doors of the counselors. Happier and longer marriages are getting too difficult to attain. I personally believe no outsider can help unless the two very people involved are willing to work on it. No one person is totally responsible.
In my past 25 years of experience, I find the key to a happy marriage is not a tug of war. Love is the sole factor in determining long-term happiness. When two people are truly in love they do not think as each other to be two, but as one. In some situations it may not be so, yet the concept of unison is of prime importance. When two people are in love the consideration and caring for each other comes automatically. A husband would think his wife has had a long day and his appreciation, caring and helping hand would be a good idea. A wife in turn would also think the same way and would think twice before starting to nag when the husband returns from long day at work. When two people are in love they always become more responsible in their action - always giving a thought what impact will it have on the other one in terms of hurting his/her feelings? Here most people would think the other should have these feelings. Well someone has to make a start. Love begets love, we all have been taught ever since we were children. I am convinced it does.
Ironically, when I just got married I was given a piece of advise from a friend whose marriage was itself on the rocks - never bring ego into your relationship. Somehow that made a lot of sense to me. I cannot say that I did not bring ego in my relationship. Everytime it entered, I was reminded of my friend's counsel, and it helped me almost always. To genuinely feel sorry is very helpful. Isn't it among the magic words in a marriage?
We human beings have different situations in life. We fight which is very normal. When we get angry we say things that can be damaging, which is also relatively, okay. We bring ego and stick to our guns: This is NOT okay. When the couples have arguments or big disagreements, the events that ensue remain in the memory for a long time. It is not easy to overcome it totally. Yet, pondering upon it in an unbiased manner and probably even re-enacting it and rationalizing it as an outsider, the situations appear to be no more than a trivia. However, sometimes, anger is so profound that one is not able to rationalize even hours/days after the episode. In a situation like that it's always a good idea to change shoes. One can visualize how one's action would affect one self. This will help in a better understanding and the idea of forgiveness will take charge easily.
Communications is the best course to settle issues. Unless we talk we would not know what the other person is thinking. I have found honesty is a very good thing in building a good and loving relationship. In the beginning, honesty could be cruel but in the long run it builds up sound relationship. Being able to trust each other is the best thing in a relationship. No matter how much one hurts the other - it can be forgiven but dishonesty is one thing that appears absolutely unforgivable. If one can't trust the other person, then the relationship cannot go any further. In my life experience there have been instances, we did things absolutely to kill each other yet since we most always confided in each other we were still able to live together. After all we could trust each other.
There is an old saying it's very easy to get married and very difficult to stay married. This fact was relevant 100 years ago and will still hold water for years to come. To stay in the union of marriage is indeed a very difficult task. It needs constant efforts every single day. It could be for anything for the sake of children, for sake of each other's love or for that matter any reason. Two people deciding to live together come from altogether different backgrounds with different nature, personality and almost everything different. To be able to accommodate each other needs art of negotiation, love, and compassion. We adjust with friends over a period we even start liking their shortcomings. Like-wise we have to make extra effort in a marriage because friends don't come on your nerves, they don't live with you.
In my experience, if one out of two makes efforts the other one automatically starts appreciating and starts trying. Sometimes the results would be awaited but they definitely come.
One gets lonely and to be with someone, someone you can call your own is pleasant. Why does one get married in the first place? No one gets married to get a divorce and thus a lonely life. Now a days most people think divorce is the answer to their problems in a marriage - an easy way out it could be. Well what is the guarantee that the second time one gets married it will be easy going? One must make all efforts to make it work divorce should be a point of no return. We should not quit.
More by : Meera Chowdhry