Mar 31, 2023
Mar 31, 2023
When I was an adolescent and in the dream world… I always saw future as a world of Cinderella. Always happy! Now I have come to realize that life is but a combination of opposites. As the saying goes, we get both sides of the coin. One can't possibly choose to have just the head or the tail. In fact the law of relativity dominates also our day-to-day life.
We cannot come to appreciate the happy times unless we have experienced the pain of unhappiness. Someone who has not experienced unhappiness cannot truly appreciate the preciousness of happiness. Just like nature it is very important for the seasons to change and bring newness. It is equally important to have different state of affairs in our lives to break the monotony.
I fail to understand how two different people can be in total agreement all the time. There are couples that believe they do not have arguments. Only way I don't have an argument is when I stop caring at all. Then, nothing matters. Is that right? When two people are in love, everything they do has a distinct affect on each other.
It is very important when two people live together; they care for each other's needs, happiness, space, and freedom. Once they decide to stay in matrimony they are aware of the limitations as also the advantages of the commitment.
Staying with someone would mean curtailed freedom to a great extent. The fact that man created this institution of marriage was to change the way of the stone ages when both man and woman were free of any commitments whatsoever. As we mature the manner of our negotiating disagreements also changes. Depending upon our state of mind, the disagreements could be dealt with calm communication or heated arguments. It is very natural. It is not necessary that the disagreement is solely the cause of the heated argument. We are humans and we go through different circumstances some good some bad. All these circumstances have direct bearing on our reactions.
There are times, when under the influence of anger, we say things and do things, which could cause irreparable damages to some extent. It is, therefore important that when we calm down and realize our mistakes, we should make every effort to make amends. When we love someone truly then nothing comes in the way of togetherness forever. Not even ego.
People, who love, are willing to forgive. They are willing to enter the shoe of the other. They do not brush the other's behavior as ridiculous. They are willing to understand as to why the other's reaction is ridiculous. They respect space and freedom of the other just like they would like theirs to be respected. They are willing to give a serious thought to every argument they have and look into the cause and then ways of resolving. People who love truly and care enough are willing to go to any extent to make life worth for each other.
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More by : Meera Chowdhry
It is very normal to clash, we are very individual human beings and have distinct personalities. Marriage is an adjustment through and through. After 36 years of my marriage if we both decide we don't want to adjust things would start to fall apart.
Going through your whole e-mail, if I were you I would give him some space and let him realize if he trully loves you. He must realize the solid reasons for being with you
I can understand your love for him, but if it is not meant to be than it should be now and not later which can tear you both apart.
I am not sure where to start but I think i need a view point as to the situation I am facing now.
I have known my fiance since 2003 but only got together in early 2008 when I came back to my country of origin.
We have been engaged for over 6 months since December last year. We are due to be married in November 2011. He recently mentioned he is unsure about our plans and that he felt obliged to marry me because my father approached him last year July to know of his plans to be with me since we have been dating for quite some time. My fiance claims he felt pressured as the question was asked over a family dinner (my dad's birthday). With dad in mind, I understand that he truly do not expect my fiance to marry me asap but he would like to have an indication. This was totally misintepreted.
My question is
Is he only taking the incident where my father approached him to be offensive? Is that good enough a reason to him deciding to abort everything.
I am disturbed and sad and do not want to lose him. He is also going through a rough time in his business. this I understand and sympathise and empathise. Though when he is unhappy we end up getting into quite a messy quarrel. We both realise our relationship is volatile but how can I change convince him to not take drastic action? I told him that I am willing to go through thick and thin with him and cut-off with things that I am used to. He is libran and I am Taurus. I am not sure if our personality totally clash (as what he kept aying) and this beyond repair. He also keep using reason or excuse (am not sure) that we always quarrel. Over times and again I mentioned to him that if we understand this a our flaw we should stick together and make things better. Though this wasn't well accepted. His mom and him I noticed have the tendency to focus only the negativity but not too much on the positivity (e.g. "you guys are always quarrelling... how to move forward).. I know this but I can't work things out only on my own.. How can I convince my fiance that we need to stick together to weather the hard times instead of giving up... I also told him that there'll bound to be challenges along the way where a couple trying build an instituition..
How can I convince him that