Feb 21, 2024
Feb 21, 2024
My grandfather, who was born some 120 years ago, was a believer of man's superiority over woman. He often related to us a story. When he got married and brought his wife home, he asked her for water. A little delay caused him to literally abuse my grandma. His contention being - first time if the man shows his temper the woman stays in her place. Funny! However, he did talk with pride about my father's successful career but more than that about his daughters, one of whom was married to a doctor and the other to a driver in the railways. He had shine in his eyes when he talked about the class and grandeur they had shown in fitting into the elite families. This grandpa often suggested my father that I should study engineering. I would think he loved me so much that he didn't want me to be' put in place'.
My father believes in male dominance over the female. He has eight daughters, God Bless him. He is healthy at 85. Of course, he wanted a son to continue the family. But he disregarded all the suggestions from the family and friends to shift his burden to the husbands as soon as the girls finished high school. On the contrary, he spent his every penny before retirement to see us all through college. Whatever his beliefs, he definitely did not want his daughters to be the victims of the male dominant society.
While my father-in-law talked with much gratitude of his wife's timidity and compromising nature, he admired his daughter's aggressiveness. He often talked about his son's success but not with the same glitter in his eyes as he did when he related the success story of his daughter. His daughter had taken control and started as a designer when her husband's career was in dole-drums. With limited college education, it was a great achievement and enough to make him very proud.
My husband likes me to be independent but not enough. I guess he wants me to need him. Like-wise I want him to need me. This may be the emotional security we all look for. However, when he talks to his daughter, one sentences is repeated ardently; "This is a man's world and I don't want you to suffer at any body's mercy" He often feels pride about his brother who is the Vice President for GE in India but he constantly brags about his niece's solo flights. By the way his niece is a pilot in the learning. And of course, when it comes to our own children, we both tend to give more importance to our daughter who though still in college shows a lot of self-reliance and independence.
Last but not the least my son enjoys his girlfriend putting his needs before her own. However, he complains about his sister and her boyfriend; "Ma she is letting him run her life"
With all the support and encouragement from the grandpa, father, uncles and the brothers if we still are weak, then there is definitely something wrong.
More by : Meera Chowdhry
|Hi meera, I noticed change in women year after year. Here I wish to note that when I ask my wife to take decision herself, she won't do. Ever telling you are elder than me, you may know something good more than me. So, we talk each other on every matter and conclude the matter on merit. Sometime quarrel may happen. But say excuse one another later.
Your articles are all good, informative and encouraging. All the best.