How To Be A CrorePati


Well with all the hype in the media about KBC, it set my cells thinking. I'm too dumb to participate in that show, I mean seriously who is the president of India? God I don't know. So I came up with these ways of becoming a crorepati. So all please pay attention 

The Veerappan/Phoolan Devi way
Take a gun, go killing every one, kill a dozen elephants, make money by looting or extortion. If that's not enough, kidnap an aging film star or get Shekhar Kapur or Deepa Mehta to make a movie about u for phoren audience. Give interviews to gushing editors about how bad society is and how it made u a criminal. Get some more filmmakers to make movies about you, Demand amnesty for ur crimes and become a spokesperson for ur caste/community/tribe, whatever is applicable.

The Miss Universe/World/City/Mohalla way (Only for females)
Get a facelift, put on tons of make up, get specialists to straighten ur teeth, and teach you how to smile. Learn how to walk like a robot, wear the most scanty dresses in the name of fashion and get sponsored by the Times Of India group. Get ur photo splashed in all leading magazines, with gushing editors and columnists and go to some exotic nation. Make some brave noises about uplifting humanity, the poor, women and all politically correct phrases. Win nice prizes, wow the MNC's tell every one what a beautiful country India is and how nice Indian women are. And make promises to help the poor of India.

The Dotcom (con) way
Well whatever ur business be it a pan shop, or hardware business or anything not remotely connected with computers, just add the magic word, .com to it. Give out full page ads in newspapers, get some recruits from the neighborhood computer academy and rent some computers, presto ur dotcom is born. Make up some snazzy interface, put some deadly graphics and pics of semi nude females. Just throw around phrases like bandwidth, eyeballs, portal and impress every one and sundry. List ur company on stock market and sell ur shares for inflated prices.

The Computer Education way
Open up a computer institute in any locality, get some systems and hire some out-of-work computer students as faculty. Give snazzy ads promising latest courses like Java, WAP, SAP, ZAP starting at Rs.50,000 each. Get pretty counselors who can speak good English and yes promise 100% guaranteed placements. If it's US placements charge Rs 1 lakh per student. Also promise every one of them placement in phoren for a fee of course.

The Simplest way
Why bother? This is India and ur a guy simply charge a dowry of Rs 1 crore. If u happen to be a software engineer or MBA increase ur rates higher, and if ur US returned, no probs make it still higher. After all it happens only in India.


More by :  Ratnakar Sadasyula

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