Model Soap

No sooner my wife learnt about the brand of soap Ms. Universe used in order to become Ms. Universe she was hell bent upon throwing away her entire soap stock. I insisted that she could offer these soaps to our maid. My wife disclosed that she did try but maid refused point blank as she had already started bathing with the beauty soap of Ms. Universe fame. Therefore, now I am condemned to use this stock of soap for washing clothes etc. although this also is not free from hazards. Other day while passing by a cemetery I heard one dead asking another dead - "How is that your shroud is whiter than mine". Other dead rose from the grave with a cake of soap in hand and declared - "My shroud is flashing white due to Genie soap". 

There are so many toilet soaps in the market that put together they can easily white wash the depleting coal reserve of our country. We often hear so and so politician or so and so political party believes only in value based politics. I fail to understand, one, what is this value based politics, two, the value of such politicians. Must be pretty high in the market, how high one won't know till horse trading actually takes place. At time we do get hints of their rates when they are on 'sale' enmass or when they return to their fold naming it change of heart, homecoming etc. I met another set of politicians who declared that their forte is issue based politics. When I wanted details they said first issues are raked up we play around with them till another issue comes up and unseats the earlier issue which then is dumped to gather dust in a forgotten corner. Just like the series of fancy dolls produced and marketed with a catchy slogan, he continued. We also want to have fresh issues. Our politicians provide us with one so that our coffee houses, our drawing room activists and arm chair intellectuals are supplied with their regular intake of inputs.

A poor country like ours, why does she need 136 variety of bathing soaps, the only reason, I understand is we are not clean physically, mentally and spiritually. I don't know what brand of soap these politicians use even after having been involved in all types of scams and scandals they are whitest and cleanest ever. It is high time government fixed up and declared the rate list of these legislators. Once the rate list is known it would be a lot more easier to play the game called Value Based Politics. Thanks to media, but for them we won't have known the innumerable things a toilet soap can inspire you to achieve e.g. winning Ms. Universe crown, one can beat the rival football team hollow with goal after goal. A company has recently come up with a soap which doesn't dissolve in water - not as quickly as other soaps do. Thinking of using this soap must have latest bath tub and music system too fitted in your bathroom, that is how whole thing is projected on TV. Day is not far off we would have chillies, ginger and garlic soap, are you surprised ? why, if we can have lemon soap we can have ginger and garlic soap too.

In a board room of one detergent company the discussion on launching a new soap hovered round what would be the lead line the magic statement should be catchy so that people simply grab the soap. One suggested we can say its dissolution in water is slowest .. interruption .. some other brand has already claimed so. Another suggested we may advertise that our soap doesn't dissolve at all and yet cleans the clothes. However, the meeting concluded on the lead line ' soap has secret chemicals which on contact with water and cloth increases the size of soap.

Here is the list of new soaps about to be launched in the wake of new found liberalization' 

Bank Soap: 
Throughout the day you may go deep in scams and commit irregularities galore of banking kind. The coarse hands of law will not be able to harm your skin. It will always remain soft, silky and innocent as that of a new born. A new born can do no wrong. 

Sugar Soap: 
Whether you are into import of sugar or black-marketing of sugar, with sugar soap you will become 'Cho chweet' that none from opposition or Establishment including investigative journalist would speak bitter about you.

Bofors Soap: 
One bath with this soap and you can survive biggest ever canon ball attack smilingly. No ambush can hurt you. It is real big.

Foreign Hand Soap:
If you even wash your hands with this soap you literally wash your hands off all the insinuations. The charge will always be on ever present foreign hand. This scented soap promises to protect you.

Reservation Soap: 
This is purely an Indian Soap, very very Indian very very popular among big time as well as small time politicians. Now women are also falling for its quick benefits, this soap is known for. This soap is known for its empowerment properties.

Choli Soap: 
This is a soap from Bollywood. Much in demand out there, among all heroines, dancers, lyricist, etc. Daily bath with this soap gives you tremendous creativity in saying it all and baring it all. That too with pride.

Our R&D department is constantly slogging to give you a wide variety of utility soaps for every occasion. We believe that the number of beauty contests being held these days would go a long way in creating demand for our soap segment. Today we have only three main type of soaps in the market. Soap to wash clothes, soap to wash your hair and soap to wash rest of you. Now we plan to flood the market with specialty soaps - separate soap to wash your eyes, lips, neck, hands, elbows, legs etc. etc. we are in for a biggest turn round. This is what I call a clean sweep.    


More by :  Ravi Pipal

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