Pass Me Some Bribe Please

Bribe is a five letter word. One up than four lettered obscenities. But today it is an integral part of our existence. It has many synonyms indicating its omnipresence in our society - sweets, gifts, present, commission, goodwill money, winding up fee, discomfort fee, liaison, entertainment, compensation etc. etc. Did you notice bribe and its synonyms all are feminine gender why?

Modern age is a kitty party age. Kitty party is an affair of those ladies who have nothing more exciting to do outdoors and precious little to do indoors. How to pass time is their worst agony. Their husbands are busy grappling with national crises, so do they want us to believe. Each member of kitty party genuinely feels that the onerous task of running this mammoth country rests on her husband's shoulders and but for this she should have been an NRI long back.

Blood pressure, stress, diabetes and angina may not be desirable but are senior executive ailments which jack up the status of the diseased. If your hubby doesn't have one or two of these health problems he may not pass as top (enough) executive. We men have stag party in poor reply to kitty party. Our stag parties have one quintessential element liquor and office gossips flowing unabated.

Donation, Treat, Capitation fee funds are all developed version of bribe. Persons who till yesterday were languishing or desperately on the run outlaws are today in the law making bodies. Gone are the days when Police were looking for them in the dark by lanes of crime, today they are in charge and police looks after them both in their sprawling bungalows and corridors of power that be. I call this multi-disciplinary skill or Jack of all trade, as lay men would prefer to label it. We are being thankless in criticizing them for their questionable and dubious background. We should be grateful to these criminal turned politicians who have taken upon themselves the noble mission to serve us. We are unnecessarily raising bogey of criminalization of politics-just on the basis of few cases here and there of murder, extortion, conspiracy, smuggling, money laundering etc. etc.

In fact we should rather prefer such politicians who bring with them the first hand experience of criminal world so that their knowledge can help them tackle things with ease. If they are not aware of the problems in toto how would they be equipped to thrash them out. 

Nonetheless this lay man is a strange man to say the least. He voluntarily gave up the life of peaceful bliss in countryside and rushed to the allures of polluted city life. Soon he landed in city, leaving behind his family, farming and values he stood for. All three collapsed like the collapsible furniture he acquired to cope with the tiny houses of city. Thanks to Shiekhs and Dons of Middle East who so very benevolently engaged our doctors, nurses, ayahs, actors and actresses in their service and filled their mouths with Dinars. Now you know why people returning from Middle East are all puffed up. Shiekhs took further pity and wanted to engage our young girls and boys as maids and camel jockey but the whole scheme ran into rough weather due to overzealous airport authorities and NGOs. When exposed, government had no other option but to condemn this unhealthy practice and wanted these girls and boys to return to India so that our vice homes, dhabas, carpet weaving and fireworks industry do not suffer for want of suitable manpower. We are basically very contended and compassionate lot.

Today's age is the age of science. You must be fed up hearing this clich'. A look at newspapers and TV. will convince you this is the age of publicity. Bazaar is all set to create and cater demands from ear bud to home theatre and from luxury cruise to box of chocolates. So be prepared to offer and accept. The quality and quantity will depend on mutual capacity and of course the cause. Don't be taken aback and thereby show your ignorance if next time somebody very innocently asks "could you pass me some bribe please".   


More by :  Ravi Pipal

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