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Ad Mad and Love
|by Daney A. Varghese|
Like any other guy, I too was bitten by the love bug or bugs. Simply because it was not one lady that I was in love with but three at a time! As a guy who takes precautions I do believe in reserves, and afraid of rejections. With no basic idea about "How to influence a female," I took recluse in the ads that were kind of repeating my story of a guy who wants to influence the queens of his dreams. The story begins with these three babes, who incidentally are good friends fall prey to my choice of being my queen or queens what ever be the case. All three unaware of what was in my head because I rarely talked to them, or they to me. Thus I decided with some take offs from the ads.My nights became bitter. I dreamt about talking to them, but what?? I could never grasp. Practices with the mirror too didn't seem to work. If they were near, my voice would squeak. So, I began scouting for an answer and was influenced enough by the halls ad. Step two. Giving her a reason to stand near me and feel good, in short eliminate my sweat stink. Answer: Axe effect, the latest ad to help the love-lorn (the ad said it). Third step was to give myself a complete yo-man-yo image. Well what better than a walkman? So, it was and a Philips one at that (remember they spoke of making some things better?). And if despite all this I couldn't speak then there would always be a written message sent through a waiter or a friend, it ought to do the trick as it does I the Rotomac ad which said that 'Likhte likhte love ho jaye'.
Lastly, to complete the macho image all I needed was a cigarette in my hand, Marlboro it had to be, with all that cowboy image and stuff.
All armed to kill (metaphorically of course), I located my prey(s) (you never know how much you could get) sitting near the stairs. My glance evoked some sharp looks. They sat there calm, unaware of their impending slaughter, one by one of course. I didn't care to decide on the order; I left it to their fate and targeted them all.
I took my first step only to see the ceiling crash on me… no it was me who had slipped. First step mishap. They were naturally having a great time laughing at my sprawling self. The axe effect was all over the floor while the dirt and much was all over me (I had expected this to happen, after the effect affected like that in ad). Nevertheless, I could always bank on my walkman. Well gathering myself coolly, I tried to work out the walkman. EEKS! The walkman was now plural, walkmen. Pieces of the cassette, headphones and batteries strewn around and people (men specially) walking around it. Gosh second weapon ruined. No point using the halls effect, by the way, where was it? Again lost in the college hall somewhere and someone probably might have walked over it. God, third weapon fizzled out even before being fired, what was happening? I was confused.
Last resort seemed the cigarette. Bravely I lit it up to impress before approaching them. One deep puff was meant to give me confidence to cross-country-sides as in Marlboro. But the puff left me panting, coughing and grasping. The cigarette was strong. I was bent coughing and spitting out loud. All to the giggles and laughter of my beaus.
I did not see much hope yet. I decided to give my pen a chance to do the talking. And the pen sure did. But the paper turned out to be my shirt pocket and not the paper napkin like that of the ad. The pen had broken into half from the fall. Everything was turning into a nightmare. I was looking for a way out when suddenly a bell struck. The classes were to start. My queens hastily gathered their books and rushed towards their classes. The whole show was a flop. The only solace out of the whole episode was that 'I had literally fallen in love' and was staying in that way all the time. Besides of course, I gave my queens a hearty laugh. I loved it the most.
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05/23/2012 07:08 AM