When My Demon Came Out

This morning, I was minding my own business, having my breakfast, sipping on my coffee, when the demon emerged from inside my chest. He was clad in an all black attire, Black top, black dhoti, a black colored turban on his head. Right after he emerged he got hold of the back of my neck with his right hand and then he twisted my neck, so that I had no choice but to stare right in his eyes.  The white parts of his eyes were crisscrossed with red blood vessels so that his eyes looked red, the corneas were dark brown and the pupils were black, as black as the sky in the depth of night. I knew his soul looked just as black.

That is how the soul looks of every evil person.

Without taking any break he started dancing and singing all around me. That is what the demons always do, impart an impression as if they are always happy and jolly.

In every way my mother’s younger sister, Lalita and her husband Parag, I called them mashi and mesho, resemble the demons. They always smile imparting the impression that they are happy, jolly, even when they tear out the souls of other people, they do so with smiles, they sing songs and dance but what comes out of their mouths are evil words and what they express through their dance are only evil deeds.

My mother was a very kind person. Every cell in her body was loaded with forgiveness. She had one older and one younger sister.  She visited her sisters, regularly and she always took me along as if she needed me for her safety. My mashi is not a good looking woman, on the top of that the muscles of her one eye dances all the time as if she is winking at the world relentlessly.

On reaching her younger sister’s house my mashi ushered us in, she even went as far as offering tea and sweets to us then her husband, a senile and retarded person, whom his wife has to give direction at every step of the way, where to go, where to come, eat this, eat that, don’t go there, wear this, don’t wear that so on and so forth. A constant flow of commands is always underway. He is almost 100 years old. He always took a seat across from my mother and taunted her, tormented her, insulted her, he put her down, particularly with regards to her religion, her religious beliefs, and Ramakrishna Mission, the religious organization my mother belonged to.

Lalita and Parag have no faith in religion, and strangely enough they were very proud of that in fact, no faith in anything. Mashi and mesho laughed heartily, enjoying the taunting, tormenting and insults hurled at my mother. My mother said nothing, only her neck muscles became slightly placid and her head hung. My mashi or her husband never took notice of of this sadness of my mother.

On returning home my mother always sat down and cried a lot for the cruel behavior she received at her sister's house. Why don't you tell them off? I asked my mother. She always answered, they are that kind of people, they will never change, but God has also given me another older sister and an older brother-in-law who are very kind hearted and generous I should be happy with that. I suggested her not to visit her younger sister anymore. ‘ut she's my sister’ my mother always answered with startled eyes. For my mother it was out of the question to give up the relationship with her younger sister. So the same scene repeated itself year after year after year.

Last year my mother passed away, my boromashi, mother’s older sister, generous and kind hearted, took me under her wings and softened my grieving. I don't believe there was anything for mother’s younger sister to grieve, did she and her husband feel guilty? I don't think so, because they never said sorry to me, or to anybody else.

My life revolved around my mother. After her passing away I am facing a hard time to cope with her death. Now something new has transpired. Cruel as my mother’s younger sister and her husband are, they have started the same kind of taunting, tormenting, and insulting, with our daughter Maya, who is a physician with two master’s degrees from the John’s Hopkins University. Mashi and mesho tell Maya, a physician might be valued in Canada and USA but in India we don’t value them. That indeed saddens Maya, who has already invested 14 years of her young life gathering her knowledge in medicine.

Somehow the whole situation has become unbearable to me. This morning that demon came out of my chest and started singing and dancing all around me. Telling me over and over again your mashi and mesho have won. You never protested never told them off. Now your mother’s soul in heaven is still crying for all the insults torments and taunting she had to endure at her sister’s house.

At first I didn’t want to rock the boat and let the demon sing and dance for half an hour, but then I found out I don’t have the patience that my mother had, I couldn’t take the tormenting taunting and insults of the demon any more. I grabbed the phone and called my mashi. I told her off. I told her what low lives they are, how they always have fun at the cost of other people, how much they hurt my mother.

Of course my mashi has no remorse she did everything on purpose. In the way in Roman empire humans were fed to animals for fun, in the same way she and her husband torture people for fun and have their orgies. They had their fun, as well as my mother’s sadness to boot. The only regret I have, is, why didn’t I scream to high heavens? Why didn’t I punch them? scratched their skin off? when they had fun at the expense of my mother?

What have  I learned from this? Don’t let any insult go unanswered, speak up, rock the boat, have the courage, since it might haunt you for a long time to come even after your loved ones pass on. I pray every day so that my mother’s soul can rest in peace at the other side of life. And every day I tell her I’m sorry that I didn’t take stronger action against the tormenting taunting and insults she faced in her lifetime. I know my mother has forgiven me. She was nothing but an embodiment of forgiveness.

What about my mashi? Her life is as banal and mundane as ever. Last time a few months back when I met her, she explained to me in great detail how she had arranged a clever plan for the inheritance of her son and daughter none of whom has been able to build a house of his/her own in Calcutta/or in the suburbs. My mother on the other hand, didn’t arrange for any inheritance for me, since she was sure in her mind that her daughter would build up her own estate.

Now, I have the same faith in my children. Because it runs in the family. Imprinted in our DNAs. Yes, all of us would build up our own estates. Thank you, no inheritance needed.

Does mashi know about Bill Gates and Warren Buffet, donating money away, without keeping it for their children to inherit? I am sure mashi doesn’t. Why do they do so? Because they have faith in their children. All intelligent people can understand, faith is way more valuable than money.

While mashi planned and schemed for inheritance, my mother prayed and meditated leaving behind for me a deep Faith for the Almighty, as well as faith in my own self as high and as wide as the Himalayas. Yes, thanks to my mother, my self esteem is sky high. That has served me very well in life much better than inheriting a room with a view in Calcutta.

My closing words? Build your own estate, piss on inheritance. If it comes with a string, inheritance sucks. Be free. The way Almighty sent you to this earth, naked, free no string attached, The Almighty granted you all the rights to be on this earth, but no inheritance deed clutched in your fist. Be like the Almighty. Fly, float and dream. Realize your own dream, why inherit somebody else’s dream? I say again, piss on it.   


More by :  Dr. Manasi Dutt

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