Nov 28, 2023
Nov 28, 2023
by Mamta Joshi
In this fragile world dreams often turn into nightmares and neuroses. My husband and I had seen our daughter grow up, giggling into adolescence with lovely girls and boys. They all disappeared with time, shaping their lives and careers with panache. We heard their success stories and felt happy in their achievements, for we had never handled our lives with multitasking, juggling independence, bank balance and relationships with so much of ease and confidence. Their toned bodies, slick sartorial sense and astute professional attitude filled us with pride and assurance that they must have found some method in this insane, complex world.
Their weddings were straight out of fantasy. The fancy invite to such extravaganzas, with theme parties, cocktails and sangeets made me into a nervous wreck. Buying dresses, with matching accessories for different events spread over days made a huge dent into my life savings not to speak of visits to beauty parlours to get the right look. Reaching the venue I realized I was on a guided tour to a Bollywood set, with confetti, glamour and shimmer I had never seen before. The beautiful night was perfectly crafted by event managers, making reel sets of Karan Johar pale into insignificance!!
The morning after the bride and the groom began their enchanted life in their own luxury apartment , in an upmarket area sealing the dream wedding with an upmarket address and a couple of designer cars thrown in to make the whole scenario dazzling,ready to be flaunted in the digital world of social networking with selfies by lovers.Their rose tinted glasses on, the picture perfect poses caused severe heartburn and dyspepsia among their long list of friends.
Yet soon the warm smiles and crisp confidence sometimes came with a black eye, an alcoholic swagger, a hint of hysteria and a glazed look, showing too much hopelessness too soon. Grandiose expectations matched with minimal patience, tired bodies, stressed out minds finding it difficult to keep terms with mundane routine of buying groceries, cleaning refrigerators, making beds or to the more serious matters of having attractive working partners at work-places. The marriage broke up leaving shattered egos, bruised bodies and shocked parents. The dream 'till death do us apart' was short lived and relationship proved to be fickle.The couple in love who had headed for an exotic destination honeymoon just the other day were moving to the courts in bitter acrimony.
The situation is indeed alarming for 50 percent Indian couples are uncoupling every year. Marriage counselors are needed urgently to save the institution of matrimony else it is moving towards a crisis. Amidst this despair , saner voices could lend help to remap mind sets, making the young and the old understand that life is all about moving on with dignity and a new relationship after divorce is not an alien concept.If children are there in a marriage gone sour, they should be given priority over pain , anger or harassment.Conscious uncoupling can be done by partners,by avoiding ugly scenes and being graceful; according respect to each other while parting ways.
D' word is not for darkness and death but is for life after divorce, renewed and recharged.In some countries annulment is celebrated with a party to cheer the person who has separated from the marital bond .Divorce is a decent option to move on in life not only for the un-coupled but also for their families.It should not be treated as a stigma but like a surgical treatment, essential to remove a part that had become infected.Heal and live on!
More by : Mamta Joshi
|very moving but extremely pertinent piece of writing|
those who suffered or saw that from close quarters appreciate it
may reason prevail