Humor

Doctor's Guinea Pig

Have you wondered why only guinea pigs are used for Medical experimentation?

I have wondered too!

However, have you become a doctor’s guinea pig? Well! I have become the doctor’s guinea pig, not just for one but for many doctors… for many years now..

It all started when I was 8 years old. I had a bout of chicken pox, had become weak, pale and frail. My mother liked to see me as a nice roly-poly fellow. She told my Dad, “look at our son, he looks frail and always has that hungry look as if he just has returned from the famine afflicted Ethiopia”.

“Let me take him to our doctor and see what we can do about it”.

“Doctor, I feel ashamed when I look at my son. It looks as if I have not been feeding him at all. Can you do something to make him healthy and look healthy too?”

“Of course, there is nothing that medical science cannot do. All he needs is a shot every week for eight weeks”.

“With every steroid injection I started to gain weight. It was like the balloon being pumped with air”.

After eight weeks I was completely transformed from that frail-hungry looking child to a nice roly-poly baby elephant.

My mother was aghast but there were no come-backs, the first time I became a guinea pig.

Four years later on my first day in Class VIII, my teacher asked me in front of the whole class, “Suresh, how many classes have you failed in? All my classmates began to laugh.

No Madam, I am a good student. I have never failed.

You look older, you are bigger than all the other boys, you even have your beard sprouting.

“No madam it is not my fault is the fault of injections”.

Oh! You failed the exams due to Injections? Again all my class mates laughed.

Again I became a point of ridicule, Why… due to being a guinea pig..
Years and times moved on and ten years later, I went to my doctor with a sore throat.

Suresh, You have acute tonsillitis and since it is recurrent, it is better you go through a tonsillectomy!

“What on earth is that…Doc?”

“We will have to remove the tonsils by a surgical procedure”

“You mean operation?”

“Yes”

“To remove the tonsils?, What will happen to me Doctor, will I die?”

“No Suresh”…laughed the Doctor, “the tonsils are harmless organs called vestiges in the human body. Removing them will not cause any damage to your body”.

“Okay Doc, let us remove this unwanted organ and get me rid of this problem”

I suffered the painful operation. I was alright for a month… but after that one fine winter morning…, Lo I get a sore throat again!!

“Doc, why is this recurring even after the surgery?”

“Well! Now you have laryngitis.

Do you want to remove my larynx as well?

“I can”…he laughed again…” but if I do that you can never speak again”

“Then how do I get rid of this suffering doctor?”

Change your job

“Why, what has my job got to do with this?”

“You are inhaling dangerous chemicals and gases which is causing all the infections. Try to find another job.

I realized Once again, I became the guinea pig.

But I changed not just my job, but my home and my country, I moved from India to Saudi Arabia.

I was okay for a few months.

Two months ago, I went to Dr. Ehab in Jubail National Dispensary.

“Doc, I have this pain in my left toe”.

“You have fungal infection on your left toe nail; you have to take these tablets for six weeks”

After taking the tablets for five weeks, rashes broke out on the same toe and rushed back to the doctor.

“Doc, looks like the fungal infection is increasing”

”No Suresh, , this is only allergic dermatitis”.

“What on earth is that?”

“It is skin infection”

“Is it due to the fungal infection, no it is only the side effect of the tablet you are taking”.

Stop taking that tablet and now take another to remove the side-effects of the previous”

I began to see the writing on the wall, “Guinea Pig” once again…

Friends, now I am mortally scared of Doctors. To me they look like the monster with tentacles, coming to devour me.

But don’t get me wrong, doctors are Angels ...but only when they know how to treat you!!

29-Jan-2017

More by :  Suresh Kalathil

Top | Humor

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