Benign Flame: Saga of Love - 28
Continued from “Tara’s Theory”
That August afternoon, at the Premier Architects’ office, holding Sandhya’s letter, Raja Rao was immersed in Roopa’s thoughts. ‘How miserable she could be, the poor thing,’ he sighed for the umpteenth time.
As though to get a measure of his beloved’s misery all again, he read from his wife’s letter once again. ‘After a fortnight’s stay here, Roopa left for Hyderabad this evening. Bogged down with her affairs all these days, I couldn’t write to you. Roopa is distraught, to say the least. She says that Sathyam has gone astray, unbelievable though it is. And to add to her misery, his friend Prasad has been pestering her for quite some time now. Now as I recall your reading of her situation, I am worried to death about what might lie in store for her. Though she feels she can handle her affairs on her own, I know she needs our support now more than ever. Any delay in our being near her might prove costly for all of us. Won’t you ensure that we forthwith move over to Hyderabad?’
As he read the letter once again as though to find a clue to Roopa’s predicament, he became nervous, and felt something within him was about to snap. ‘Oh, how I feared about all that coming true,’ he thought in desperation. ‘But why did I fail to act? Shouldn’t I rush now and see if there’s something left for me to salvage?’
Aboard the Indian Airlines flight that very evening, Raja Rao’s thoughts hovered around what Roopa’s present portends for his future.
‘What I am rushing now for? Does she want me anymore?’ he began to crystallize his situation at length. ‘Had I missed the bus or did that Prasad jump the queue? How does that matter had I lost her? Whatever it was, she would have given in to Prasad by now. Maybe, she couldn’t bring herself to confide in Sandhya that she was in the thick of it with him. It appears that her part-confession was but a sounding-board to prepare her pal to her affair with him. Oh, why have I delayed declaring my love to her? How costly would that prove for me?’
As the thought of life without Roopa depressed him, even the attentions paid by the pretty air hostess failed to impress him. ‘Am I destined to suffer in regret for letting her slip into Prasad’s embrace?’ he felt gloomy at the thought, ‘If she’s carrying on with Prasad, what sense does it make for me to shift over there now? Won’t that be a suicidal move for me? What an irony it would be, had she transferred her affections to another, even as I’m on the verge putting in my papers for her! Anyway, the moment of truth seems to be on hand for me. Let me see what her life would reveal to me.’
When the plane landed at Begumpet, he left the airport with alacrity and with his heart in his mouth; he rushed to Roopa’s place in a taxi.
Pacing up the steps, as he pressed the door buzzer, he felt as though his heart was short-circuited, and when Roopa opened the door tentatively, as her heart missed its beat at his sight, she was breathless. Unable to comprehend their respective positions, staring at each other, they stood rooted at the threshold.
‘Won’t you let me come in?’ he said, at last.
‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ she gave him way, and bolted the door after him as though to secure him once and for all.
‘How do you do?’ he said looking at her longingly.
‘Pulling on,’ she mumbled, unable to come to terms with his unexpected arrival.
‘It’s been so long since we last met,’ he said as he sat down.
‘It’s over seven months,’ she sighed as she said, ‘and I thought you’d forgotten me.’
‘Why so?’ he said in protest.
‘You would know if only you’re a woman.’
‘Being a man,’ he said dejectedly, ‘it’s none the better for me.’
‘Don’t you think you should only blame yourself for that,’ she sounded critical in spite herself.
‘But why?’ he exclaimed in pain.
‘For having prefixed forgetfulness to your maleness.’
‘How can you say that?’ he protested haplessly.
‘Why, you didn’t come to see me as promised then, did you?’ she said as the bitterness his earlier failure to meet her overtook the sweetness, his presence occasioned.
‘You would never know,’ he said as his tone got the measure of his frustration, as he recalled his state of mind in which he had to leave for Bangalore that day, ‘how desperate I was to meet you then.’
‘Where there is a will,’ she said still smarting under the hurt of the perceived let down, ‘there is a way, isn’t there?’
‘Believe me Roopa, there was no way I could have come to see you. I had to catch the train on the move as it were,’ he said, and added after a pause. ‘I even thought of writing to you, but I couldn’t bring myself to do that.’
‘You should’ve written,’ she said in the same vein, ‘and that would have made so much difference to me.’
‘Roopa,’ he said with a pleading tone, ‘why don’t you understand me?’
‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ she said as her love, aided by the presence of her lover, abetted her mind to overpower the bitterness it bore.
‘Let bygones be bygones,’
‘I felt like pouring out my pain to you,’ she said, ‘Go have your bath.’
‘I would rather wait for Sathyam,’ he said as he came out of the bathroom, finding her ready with dinner and all.
‘Why, do you want us to starve till he returns from his four-day tour or what?’ she said smiling. ‘Think of it, what a coincidence that he was away when you first came with Sandhya!’
But then, how were she to know about Sathyam’s peccadilloes at Peddapuram on that supposedly official trip. Besides, at the threshold of the golden moment of her life, even if she were aware of it then, maybe, she couldn’t have cared less.
‘Oh, I see,’ he said tentatively. ‘I thought I could stay here for a couple of days.’
‘Why,’ she said smilingly, ‘do you think I would show you the door after dinner?’
‘I didn’t mean it that way,’ he said a little confounded.
‘But I mean to tell you everything,’ she said getting up from the dining chair. ‘Let me have my bath before that.’
‘Probably, it’s all over between us bar sighing,’ he thought pensively, sinking into a dining chair. ‘Hasn’t she said that my letter would have made so much difference to her? Oh, does that not imply that I have lost out to Prasad? Is it any consolation that I was her first choice? What if her current concern the courtesy of her past feelings? Or is her friendliness owing to my being Sandhya’s husband? What sense does the relocation to Hyderabad make for me? Won’t I feel miserable seeing her adoring someone else? What sort of a reward it would be for my unrequited love for her if Prasad were to turn up now. Won’t that embarrass us all, and what’s worse, my presence might lead to a misunderstanding between them. I better pack up after dinner for it’s not fair to spoil her party with her paramour. How stupid I am to lose a woman like her when she could have been mine for the asking!’
‘Isn’t it Godsend,’ thought Roopa in relief, making use of the soap he had used, even as she recalled the bath of fetish she had had with his soap during his first visit to her place. ‘Have I not been waiting for this day all my life? Oh, finally my destiny seems to have kept its date with him! I’ll make him mine even if it comes to raping him, won’t I? How we could indulge in lovemaking day and night for three days at a stretch. Well, without a care in the world. How fortuitous that he came at a time when Prasad too went on a foreign jaunt! Maybe, I can’t expect him to take the initiative, could I? It’s clear that his passion for me is kicking and alive though shrouded in hesitancy. If only I ignite his urge, won’t he engulf me with his ardor?’
‘Why not I wait till he advances,’ she thought having developed second thoughts about her own abashment. ‘Oh no, if I fail to lead him, won’t he take me to be a flirt and dismiss me forever? If I don’t let him have me now, I might as well forget about him in this life. Come what may, I shall grab this chance of a lifetime, now and here, with both hands at that. Won’t he keep me in his embrace as I lay there in coyness forever? Haven’t I suffered enough to deserve the solace of his love? Have I any stomach left for misery, anymore?’
When they sat for dinner, she served him silently as if the distraction of their conversation would hamper his eating. However, construing her contemplative mood as a proof of her embarrassment, he felt depressed at the tragedy of his own making.
When they rose from the table, sensing his predicament, she opened the gambit giving him pan, ‘I’m glad you’ve come home this time, did Sandhya prevail upon you?’
‘You know Sandhya is at Kakinada?’ he said as her words rekindled his hope. ‘I’ve come to see you.’
‘I’m flattered really,’ she said spreading her hands, ‘and I welcome you ever more for that.’
‘Tell me,’ finding her gesture inviting, he played his move, to probe her position.
‘About what?’ she feigned ignorance.
‘About you.’ he said lovingly.
‘Are you blind not to see it for yourself,’ she said coyly.
‘You look a little pulled down.’
‘Didn’t I tell you?’ she said, ‘I’m just pulling on.’
‘Sandhya wrote to me,’ he said hesitantly, ‘that you’re having a hard time.’
‘Do you think Sathyam’s neglect and Prasad’s pestering could bother me really,’ she said as though showing her cards. ‘They are just allergies. But my ailment is different.’
‘May I know,’ he said sensing her mood, ‘if it’s not personal.’
‘I always thought,’ she said coyly, ‘that you knew it well.’
‘But then,’ he said with rising hope, ‘can one conclude from his own diagnosis.’
‘Why not take a second opinion?’ she said as if she were begging to be asked by him.
‘Tell me then,’ he said to reach out for the approaching moment.
‘Didn’t you hear my body language!’ she said.
‘But still..’ he was at a loss how to respond.
‘Maybe you need even more privacy to express yourself,’ she said as she went into the bedroom in apparent invitation for him to cross the threshold
‘Thank God, my fears seem to be liars,’ he felt ecstatic. ‘Is she not expecting me to break the ice and thaw it out? Why, hasn’t she left enough hints already about that? After all her advances, does it make any sense for me to hold back now? Oh, in the entire path of love, the steps that lead up to sex are the most slippery, one false step and it could make man slip out of woman’s favor, forever. All the same, if he were not to venture, how could it ever result in an adventure? What else a lover could do than to enter into his beloved’s orbit of familiarity? Then, won’t she suck him into the arena of her favors? Where else one can find a better jaunt for that than the precincts of her bedroom?’
Even as Raja Rao began to stir in hope, leaving the door ajar, Roopa started shedding her sari. ‘Why cover myself when he’s coveting me,’ she felt amused as she undressed languidly as if to allow him time to catch her in the act. When she became stark naked, she turned towards the door only to find it still ajar. Reaching her wardrobe then, she pulled the nylon lingerie that she earmarked for the occasion in all her anticipation, and fondling it lovingly, she wore it leisurely. In time, she was in front of the mirror thinking amusedly, ‘Won’t it reveal my mind to him besides my body. It’s time I find out.’
When Roopa was about to pull open the door, Raja Rao pushed it open for her.
‘I love you,’ he took her hand.
‘I’m lovesick,’ she said pressing against him, ‘I need treatment.’
‘Oh, how I’ve been dying for you,’ he said, lifting her head and looking into her eyes with all his longing.
‘I wonder how I didn’t turn mad in my craving for you,’ she said holding him deliriously.
‘I felt wretched fearing I might have lost you,’ he said tightening his hold on her.
‘I was worried to death that I may not make it with you,’ she said as she began to sob.
‘Roopa, don’t cry,’ he said as he kissed her tears. ‘Now I am yours forever.’
‘Longing for this moment,’ she said cuddling him, ‘how I became an urchin of love.’
‘I always felt your love in the pulsations of my heart,’ he caressed her head even as she wetted his shoulder.
But when he felt her heavy, realizing that she had fainted, gliding her tenderly, he put her on her bed, and rushed for water.
‘Are you okay, my darling?’ he asked her, as she opened her eyes.
‘Come on, feel for yourself,’ she stretched her hands, inviting him into her embrace.
‘I’ve always felt you are mine,’ he rested his head on her ample breasts, turned heady by her heaving.
‘You’ll never know how I craved to be yours,’ she said, running her fingers through his curly hair.
‘Ever since we’ve met,’ he said pushing his head into her enticing valley, ‘I always felt my life would be half empty without you.’
‘You know how scared I was about leading a loveless life,’ she pressed him into her, further.
‘I’ll give you so much love that you can spare as much as you want to Sathyam,’ he said enigmatically.
‘I can never love him,’ she said dismissively. ‘Moreover, he doesn’t need my love any more. Anyway, I could never think of loving anyone but you.’
‘Roopa, you know I love you,’ he said, ‘but still it’s only a part of our life – yours as well as mine - and that is the reality of our life. If you are not happy in your home, there is no way I can be cool in my house. Of what avail is our love if it won’t bring happiness to our lives. If not for his sake, at least for our sake, love your husband and make him happy so that we can be happier ourselves.’
She sat up electrified, and smothered him with kisses.
‘Oh Raja,’ she cried in ecstasy, ‘I’ve always felt that I loved the right man, but now I know that I’ve a noble soul for a lover. I promise you dear that for your sake, I shall love him as much as I possibly could.’
‘I’m glad really,’ he kissed her hand.
‘I love you,’ she cried, rubbing her face against his, ‘more than I love my self.’
‘Roopa, I can never picture my pleasure in loving you,’ he said gripping her all the more, ‘and the pain I felt wanting you.’
‘I’ll give you every joy that a woman could give her man,’ she said, reaching for his lips.
‘You would find me more than reciprocating,’ he said, after a kiss that both felt had lasted a lifetime,
While he was fondling her adoringly, suddenly, she jumped up onto the bed, and as she dropped her lingerie languidly, he watched her mesmerically.
‘Oh, how your gaze makes me feel nude in your presence as well as in my thoughts!’ she cried in ecstasy. ‘I had fantasized about our lovemaking so much that I don’t feel shy anymore.’
‘I’d never imagined,’ he said sizing her up in nude, ‘that a five meter sari could have hidden so much of a beauty! What a fabulous figure you have, my darling!’
‘I dreamt a thousand dreams in which every inch of me gave you joy,’ she said ecstatically, as he kneeled up to her in embrace.
‘What a beautiful bush,’ he said, caressing her in ecstasy.
‘It’s on fire to warm my dear,’ she said joyously.
‘Oh, what a scent,’ he said euphoniously.
‘You may find it’s tasty too,’ she said coyly, ruffling his hair.
‘Why, haven’t you been told?’ he said raising his head.
‘Orals ‘I’ve reserved for our lovemaking,’ she said pressing him to her declivity all again.
‘What a honeycomb it is!’ he said in delight, pausing.
‘Drain it to the dregs,’ she cried rapturously.
‘What a love it is Roopa,’ he said to her at length.
‘It’s all about my life darling,’ she said pressing his head into her once again.
‘You’re my wife no less,’ he sputtered.
‘Hubby dear husband your ardor,’ she said pulling him away.
‘What amorousness,’ he said ecstatically as she herself fell on him libidinously.
‘Let me have my mouthful too,’ she took him greedily.
‘Oh, how all my fantasies pale before how your fare!’ he said dreamily.
‘Haven’t I worn my mouth by half for that,’ she muttered, ‘oh, how I practiced with the dummies for this day?’
‘You know how to love a man,’ he said affectionately, caressing her back.
‘Courtesy your manliness,’ she said, reaching for his hairy chest.
‘Roopa how fortunate we both are,’ he said caressing her back.
‘But Raja,’ she said, unable to get over her bitterness of her past suffering, ‘how wretched it was till now.’
‘Won’t we make it all the sweeter for that,’ he said reaching up to her lips.
As though to draw the nectar of love to sustain her nascent life, grabbing his eager lips with her throbbing ones, she deep-kissed him
‘I’ll ensure,’ he said as she freed his lips, ‘you’re fulfilled forever.’
‘Know that I’ve only lived wanting to be yours,’ she said kissing his hand.
‘I’ve never seen any so sumptuous,’ he said, fondling her breasts. ‘How they’ve been haunting me ever since I saw you last June.’
‘How my hands ached squeezing them for you,’ she joined him in the act.
‘Don’t I owe it to them then,’ he kissed her palms.
‘Take it,’ she pushed her breast into his eager mouth.
‘Splendid,’ he sputtered.
‘Bite,’ she crooned in his ear.
‘Maddening,’ he said, as he took the other one.
‘Pocking,’ she crooned, licking his ear.
‘Roopa,’ he said in ecstasy.
‘Make me yours,’ she said in want.
‘Have me then,’ he said with urge.
‘Inaugurate,’ she said, as she pushed up her bottom to him.
‘What a seat to take!’ he knelt behind her in ecstasy.
‘It’s nuptial for it,’ she helped him penetrate her.
‘How it came true!’ he cried in joy.
‘Oh, lovely!’ she moaned in pain.
‘Never better,’ he cried with pleasure
‘Go to the roots,’ she said, pushing herself all the closer to him.
‘Oh, you’re mine,’ he said joyously.
‘Give me more,’ she said greedily.
‘Roopa,’ he moaned at length.
‘Oh, you’ve injected life into me,’ she cried in relief
‘Oh God, how good,’ he said laying motionless on her.
‘I don’t mind dying now,’ she clasped him as they came to rest.
‘Oh, what a life!’ he crooned into her ears.
‘Just king size,’ she exclaimed. ‘How I wish Sandhya sees us mate.’
‘How my queen mates think about each other even as they mate their men!’ he said, patting her feelingly, and narrated to Roopa’s joyous ears as to how Sandhya never ceased thinking about her all through their honeymoon.
‘Lesbian like, isn’t it?’ she said mirthfully.
‘Or even more,’ he said admiringly. ‘Well, keep it up.’
She got up to switch on the geyser and when she returned, they went about scanning each other, admiring the charms of their frames that occasioned their emotional integration. In their bath that followed, he soaped her breasts admiringly, and said, ‘What a size!’
‘Why, the cup hasn’t changed since,’ she teased him, as she pointed at the clothesline
‘What a romantic spy you are,’ he said smiling, squeezing them both.
‘If only you had me then!’ she sighed, resting on him.
‘I thought for long but gave up in the end,’ he said, and explained what all he had contemplated then.
‘Raja, why didn’t you grab me then?’ she cried in his embrace. ‘Unsure of your love, oh, what suffering it was? All through, I was torn apart by the hope of love and the despair of passion. But as if to compound the miseries of my life and the dilemmas of my love, came in Prasad to push me into a liaison. Even as I was attracted to him, being in love with you, I felt ashamed of myself, and the more I was flattered by his attentions, the more I suffered in guilt. But as he began to charm me with his passion, in despair, I clung on to my love for you. Well, I always wanted to give myself heart and soul to you, and you alone. How I used to wish every night that you would come storming into my life.’
‘Roopa, forget about all that,’ he kissed her to assure her, ‘I’ll ensure you have no cause for worry anymore.’
‘Though I shudder to think about the past now,’ she buried herself into his chest. ‘The pain I’ve had has made this pleasure even more intense. Don’t ever leave me darling. Now I’ll die without you.’
‘Can I imagine my life without you,’ he said, lifting her head. ‘You’ll be in my arms till I breathe my last.’
‘I’ll live by your promise,’ she said taking his hand.
‘Hold your breath,’ he said fondling her hand. ‘I’m going to shift here soon.’
Like a child in disbelief, she asked him to repeat himself and sank back into his embrace seeking solace.
‘Listen,’ he crooned into her ear, as if to cajole her sub-consciousness, ‘I’ll be here soon, never to part again.’
‘Oh, I may die of happiness,’ she hugged him tightly, and said coyly, ‘When is that?’
‘Next month itself,’ he whispered, as if it were a secret for her ears only.
‘That means’ she said, cupping him at the source of her joy, ‘the Don would be on double duty.’
‘Won’t it be doubly blessed then? What a rare fortune?’ he said joyously.
‘What if Sandhya comes to know?’ she said worried.
‘Doesn’t she love us enough to rejoice at our love,’ he said dreamily.
‘Then, why not put her into the loop straightaway?’ she said looking at him expectantly.
‘Wait for a while for it’s no good jolting her now,’ he said contemplatively.
‘Do you feel guilty since you love her?’ she asked in apprehension.
‘I always knew that I wanted both of you,’ he said with conviction. ‘What about you?’
‘I want to be a share-farmer and not a prick-robber,’ she said thoughtfully. ‘That’s how I’ve always placed myself in our love triangle, as anyway, Sathyam never meant much for me. Now that you’ve come up with that unique proposition, I shall reorient my affection for him.’
‘I’ll look forward to it,’ he said taking her hand.
‘I can feel that,’ she said overwhelmed with admiration for him.
‘Now let’s put your worries behind us,’ he said raising her hand, ‘and prepare us for three cheers.’
‘Why not,’ she said, as they toweled each other, ‘I will prepare some coffee for us.’
‘If it’s in your birthday suit,’ he said winking at her.
‘Why that way?’ she asked coyly.
‘I would like to watch your tan vie with the coffee steam.’
‘How I love seeing our skins merging on the canvas of brown,’ she winked at him.
Soon they were back in bed after romancing in the kitchen for long.
‘Roopa, this is as flat as a slate,’ he said caressing her belly, having rested his head on her thighs. ‘Let me scribble the poetry of our love here.’
‘Raja,’ she said in delight, ‘how you make me feel a special woman!’
‘You’re the one, and the only one,’ he said in all admiration, as he turned his forefinger into a slate-pencil to scribble - goddess of sex.
‘Why it never occurred to me that it’s fine being barren to keep my figure tight for your delight,’ she gloated.
‘I would love to father your child,’ he said, looking into her eyes. ‘Won’t you have it darling?’
‘How I would have loved to mother your child,’ she said, disappointed herself. ‘But I feel it won’t be fair to Sathyam.’
‘I value your sensitivity,’ he said, as his face lighted. ‘I’m proud to be your lover.’
‘But having longed for each other for so long now,’ she said on second thoughts, ‘tonight is an exception to everything. If you catch my egg on the sly, I’ll look the other way, but from tomorrow its all condoms.’
‘I have the full measure of your love now,’ he said kissing her in ecstasy.
‘Take a shot and get it right,’ she spread herself, as though to keep her word.
‘I’m sure,’ he said as he engaged her, ‘I would be disappointed if I fail to father your child.’
‘In a way,’ said Roopa, ‘I’m caught in a cleft as you know.’
‘Anyway,’ he said, ‘let that not bother us.’
‘It looks like life draws the limits even for its own fulfillment,’ she said.
‘Perhaps,’ he said seemingly reconciled to the limitations of their love life, ‘it makes sense to live within those limits.’
‘I think it’s time we rest.’ he said, yawning,
‘Mate,’ she said going all over him, ‘let’s make it once more to match the date on which we met.’
Before exhaustion pushed them into a fulfilled sleep, that night, the light was on until it was about to dawn. It’s a unique feature of life in that, a fulfilling moment, while surmounting a mountain of miseries, obliterates the nightmares of the past.
Continued to “A Brimming Romance”