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Monogamy Works Well
by Dr. Satish Bendigiri Bookmark and Share

(NB: This article has nothing to do with Johnny Depp, Amber Heard and Elon Musk Trio and trial.)



Up until it was declared illegal by the Indian Supreme Court on September 27, 2018, adultery remained a crime under Chapter XX of the Indian Penal Code. The law was enacted in 1860. The law, according to the Supreme Court, "treats a husband as the sole ruler," making it illegal. However, the Supreme Court decided that it is still a valid reason for divorce.

Soon as the verdict came, there sprang like mushrooms applications encouraging adultery and extramarital affairs, putting the sanctity of the institution of marriage into danger. An application called Gleeden made especially for women has the following statistics:



The above survey made by Statista is authentic.(Only (Sta)tista Setalvad can take false oath.) Statista makes it clear that more and more wives were cheating on their husbands.( In other words, 23% of women in first case and 28% of women in the second case were sensible to make their marriage work.) The question is why cheating was happening and the sole conclusion was it was husbands who were responsible for the death of marriage because a whopping 77% and 72% of husbands in the above cases were nincompoop, milksop and were not able to understand the basic of the sanctity of the institution of marriage and never tried to save it from disaster. They never paid enough attention to the emotional and psychological requirements of their wives and ultimately had to suffer in the form of disrupted family life, loss of happiness, loss of control over the kids, diminishing academic grades of their children and overall disappointment leading to an overall loss of interest about life.

Why someone was risking so much devastation for as little as the intercourse of a body which lasts not more than three minutes when one or both the partners involve outside the marriage was a million dollar question. Mental intercourse has no base at all in these escapades.

It is a foregone conclusion that Indian men, when they want to enter into a relationship in the form of a marriage are unaware of women's issues. They are not aware of female biology nor familiar with the psychological conditions of a woman. Most men do not know about the menstrual cycle and its psychological impact on a woman who goes into a sort of turmoil within those four-five days. More or less they look at a woman as an object of carnal desire, although she is a life partner.

This mindset is absolutely wrong as it objectifies a woman as a commodity and forgets that she is made of flesh and blood and is human with built-in emotions and feelings and thoughts and pain. A mature man would only make a thorough understanding and acquire knowledge about women's issues before putting a wedding ring on her finger. Therefore if he wishes to lead a blissful life after marriage it is his responsibility as a husband to make his wife happy to lead a good life.

Here are some suggestions for a man.

  • He must make her comfortable always and help her get adjusted in any set-up.
  • He should help her in small day-to-day work and shouldn't expect her to be on her toes all the time.
  • He should never expect that as a wife she is aware of everything as this relationship is between two adults, not one.
  • Never be critical of her culinary arts.
  • Be a little romantic. Surprise her with small gifts. Celebrate special days Send her a small message of ‘Thank you’ or ‘Love you. Let her feel she is special.
  • You must find time for her. Take her out on weekends to celebrate some quality time together.
  • Always involve her in important family issues and discuss her opinions.
  • Stop being judgmental. In any arguments between her and your mother or sister, avoid taking sides.
  • If she has professional aspirations; help her continue.
  • Remember, you are her best buddy and not a typical husband. Let her feel free so she can share her thoughts freely.
  • Don’t force her to do something which she doesn’t want to do especially in the area of sex. She is not a sex toy, don’t force her for sex, accept and respect her NO.
  • Give her some personal space. Marriage is not the end of her previous life and her old friends and her social life. She is individual even after marriage.

Monogamy Works Well

She talks on the phone till late in night. When he comes home, he chats till midnight. Some trivial issue and she immediately informs her parents on phone. My husband doesn’t keep my DP on his phone.

More than 50 per cent of the complaints are related to smartphones and the popular messaging app. The dispute slowly turning into marital discord so much so that each party having doubt about the fidelity of another party. One of the many reasons for entering into adultery.

Yes, infidelity and adultery do take place across all societies irrespective of caste and religion and social status, and many say that numbers of such affairs are growing, posing the question about the sanctity of the institution called marriage. One couldn't know why anyone would risk the sanctity and reputation for such a hush-hush affair which would lead to pain and suffering to those who are involved.

It is seen and observed that unfaithfulness and infidelity disrupt families and, is the most shattering experience inside a marriage. Just take a look at the following graph. It may be from the year 2019, but numbers have definitely increased.



It is really true that these extra-marital affairs are growing at an alarming rate and there isn't any solution visible in sight as pointed out by Gleeden survey. The marriage therapy books and advice columns in popular magazines advise thus:

Myth: An affair can be good for a marriage and can even revive a dull one.

This is a myth. There are ways and means to keep the marriage sparkling years after years, trying it to steer away from becoming dull. If a wife is wise enough to read between the lines what her husband likes and acts, he may not look elsewhere and if a husband learns a women's psyche and be able to rightly guess her subtle signs and love her as though she is as precious as a gem, she won't look further. A TV set or an expensive music system may work by banging a fist on it but ultimately it is going to break. The reality is, most affairs cause damage. Even after seeking counselling to patch up, more than fifty per cent of adulterous marriages end in divorce. Contrary to this, faithful marriages stay put forever.

Myth: The lover is better in bed than the spouse:

Often the assumption is that the affair leads to sex and the lover knows how to satisfy the partner. This is far less than this presumption as no one can be a sexual athlete. All the affairs aren't necessarily about sex. If sex is involved, the spouse can become a little expert if partners learn some techniques of pleasing each other by communicating with each other or with the help of self-help books or experiments in the area of fellatio and cunnilingus. Actually many such couples have confirmed that their intimacy in the bedroom was quite satisfactory. The affairs took place when intimacy didn't happen outside the bedroom. Besides each affair isn't necessarily about sex. A survey revealed that anger and resentment was big motivator for cheating on spouses. A certain kind of behaviour by the spouse or her newfound affair made a partner retaliate and believed in tit for tat.

Myth: It is better if the affair isn't discussed with the family members.

Partners having illicit relationships try to hide the affair from their spouses and from near and dear ones. This isn't at all possible because sooner or later spouses come to know they are being lied and it hits and hurts them beyond repair. And once the cat is out of the bag, the aftereffects ruin the family. Integrity is essential in a couple's intimacy. Lying about an affair only makes things worse. Many marriages end in the wake of an affair, but far more end in an effort to maintain the secret of the affair.

Myth: An affair triggers the inevitable divorce.

Of course, an affair is like a tornado once a suffering partner comes to know about it. Allegations and verbal abuse doom the peace and happiness of the family and the growing children just don't understand what has happened to their parents. One of the partners would think to end the blemished marriage by way of divorce. Advice from a marriage counsellor at this point would certainly help in the pain recovery process and instil some sensibility into the warring parties and settle the matter. Sensible couples approach a counsellor and save the marriage.

Communication in any form is the central point in marriage. Partners in marriages aren't supposed to play hide and seek games. No secrets from each other. He or she can check each other's messages on the phone. Each partner ought to know the pin and pattern to open each other's smartphones. No partner should become hyper-tense if he or she forgets the smartphone at home. No extra phone in the office or extra sim card in the extra slot provided in the smartphone tray, so while out of home fish out a sim card and put it in the extra slot and chat with the paramour. No. Sooner or later your spouse will discover your unfaithful activity one day and you will wish that day would never have occurred in your life. Stay away from such secretive and deceitful behaviour.

There is only one conclusion and that is monogamy works. It's a sin to go against societal norms and put a family in the doldrums. Moreover, it is common because it is practised universally. Monogamy is a clean life, without biting your conscience and guilt-free. Practising monogamy is not very difficult unless you nurture your ego in you. It teaches you to let go of the flaws of your partner, make minor sacrifices for your spouse, and inculcate a caring and sharing attitude.

This trust in each other is enough to bring honesty and intimacy within the marriage, and live together happily ever after.

Before venturing out for illicit escapades, doing a SWOT analysis of both you and your wife is the key to a harmonious and peaceful marriage. Building relationships requires putting the emphasis on the other person's qualities and accomplishments rather than their flaws. You only get poor results when you concentrate on her flaws. Because you are so sophisticated, you do not want to spread unfavorable energies via the air. Get rid of persistent stereotypes that are discriminatory against women. Get rid of the critical mindset. Nobody is flawless in our world. Marriage, friendships, and other types of partnerships are unions that take two flawed people and create one whole person. If we don't acknowledge that we are flawed, we could miss out on all the opportunities for making our life blessed.

One day, you're going to understand that happiness never depended on things like your work, educational background, or romantic status. Being like the others or following in the footsteps of everyone who has gone before you will never make you happy. You'll realize one day that happiness has always been about exploration, hope, and being gentle to oneself and accepting the person have always been the keys to happiness. You will realize one day that pleasure was never dependent on others; rather, it was always about learning to live with oneself. You were always the focus. It was always about you.

(Warning: Never think of downloading the apps discussed in the above article. These apps need Google account and it is well known that Google keeps history of everything you do. Your photos and information may end up on dark net. Browsing dark net is a criminal activity as the moment you do it, your IP address is flashed with Police even if you use VPN. So, please do not venture out.)

.......
 

Image (c) istock.com

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06-Aug-2022
More by :  Dr. Satish Bendigiri
 
Top | Society
 
Views: 127      Comments: 2

Comments on this Article

Comment Dear Murali ji,
Thank you so much for your appreciation and encouraging words. I certainly would shed some light on the other side of the coin as soon as I lay my hands on facts and figures. The case must rest with authentic information.
Thank you once again.

Satish Bendigiri
08/08/2022 01:06 AM

Comment Sir

It's a very good article. It would have been better if you focus on other side of the coin.

Regards

Murali

Murali Krishna
08/07/2022 04:55 AM




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