A Story of Two Generations

With Reena's proposal, Lakshmamma became the hot topic for three days. 

Reena's idea was to find the secret of Lakshmamma's success in life. 

When Reena revealed her idea, all the women got interested to learn more about it. Lakshmamma was happy that her experiences which were found useless by her daughter Sameeraja, were thought useful by all the ladies, particularly by Reena. 

Lakshmamma gives counseling now and then. of late she had been going around doctors and super-specialty hospitals as part of her service to people. This acquaintance with the medical profession made her use the expression 'fee' for everything in her conversation. 

Lakshmamma decided that she should not give any advice without asking for a fee. Earlier when she gave counseling without a fee, the women folk took her lightly. At an auspicious moment it struck her that she should demand a fee. Since then, the demand for her advice grew. 

She announced one day that her fee was going to be of higher order. This announcement made the ladies discuss the development. "It is our mistake to seek her advice, having known her mind", said Vijaya. 

"But there are many things about which we have to seek her help urgently. You all know it", opined Reena. 

"As Reena has an urgent need to know, Reena has to pay the fee", said Vijaya bluntly. 

"We have all been sharing the fee always. This time also we should follow it. Why should we put the burden on Reena?" suggested Gayatri, Reena's mother. 

Reena works in the HiTec City. She had a quarrel with her husband Devender and was staying in a Working Women's Hostel, as she did not like to stay with her mother. Gayatri was anxious to make Reena learn and know about life and wanted her to develop the habit of adjusting herself to circumstances. 

All the ladies reached the park in D.D. Colony near Osmania University in the evening as decided by them earlier. They completed five to ten rounds of walking and sat down on the lawn. 

A discussion commenced on Reena's proposal, on the fee structure of Lakshmamma and the suggestions. They expressed their views. 

"What mistake did she commit for you to criticize her so much?" Gayatri supported Lakshmamma. "She demanded her fee. What is wrong with it?"

"She won't speak on any issue without receiving her fee. Why do you get agitated, knowing about this full well? She suggests a good programme". 

"This time she raised the fee. She says no one should talk while Aunty talks. No one should question her. She says the fee was the admission fee! Arranging the meeting in Silparamam as requested by aunty will be the advance fee. The final bill will be for our assuring her that we would listen to her and put in practice her suggestions. All of us should reach Silparamam in the morning. We have to stay there with our children till it is dark. Discussions, playing games, singing etc., will take place there. The arrangements for food should be made by us. Every member should bring one item of the menu from their home" Reena revealed the plan. 

The tall trees in the park were shining gently. The well-trimmed lawn was shining brilliantly. The children were playing and running about. 

The ladies were surprised that the idea did not strike them until Reena made the proposal. 

If they had known about this, their families would have enjoyed bliss. The anxiety in every one of them to know the secret grew day by day. Next day the elderly Gayatri went to Lakshmamma's house situated in D. D. Colony. 

"Gayatri! You know my nature. Though I take a fee, I spend money from my pocket. On that day everyone should bring one item of food. Tambola. Caroms, Cards and all games should be played happily. The members should apply leave with their husbands. Cell phones should be switched off. The children should be with us. All this is for ourselves. Our programme should be like a picnic, like an excursion, enjoyable", Lakshmamma said. 

Gayatri felt very happy that Lakshmamma suggested a picnic party in the name of fee which they had been wishing to plan. 

"On many occasions we thought of leaving our husbands to themselves and going out all by ourselves. We wanted to go to Gandipet, to Golkonda. Our husbands and children did not help us. They opposed saying how we could have a programme without them. This time we must make it a grand success", said Gayatri holding Lakshmamma's hand and took leave of her. 

~*~

All the members of the party left for Silparamam from D.D. Colony in the morning. Devender, Reena's Husband was observing his wife carefully. 

"Where are you all going?" Devender asked one of the team. He dared not ask his wife.

"All that is unnecessary for you" said Reena and walked away. 

If the members of the Mahila Association were going out together, it forebode some danger. He feared whether they were holding a 'panchayat' on him. He thought that it was   Lakshmamma who gave them so much courage. 

All the ladies reached Silparamam and gathered at the appointed place. 

There were beautiful trees reminding them of the atmosphere of Konaseema. There were cranes and geese in the tank. No one bothered about the children who were in their playful mood in that atmosphere. The mothers were trying to teach the children how to hold water in cans but the children were more interested in looking at the cinema shooting taking place nearby and ran towards the shooting.

~*~ 

The narration commenced. Lakshmamma started telling them about her life. 

"We came to Hyderabad and lived in a small room in Chikkadapalli near Narayanaguda. After coming to Hyderabad, I learnt what was meant by freedom, my husband Ramakrishna continued his studies while engaging tuitions. He completed B.A. and then B.Ed., also in that manner. 

She drank a glass of water and continued her narration. 

"My husband secured a teacher's job somehow. After a year, he joined government service as a teacher. By then we had two children. I had come from a village and so obeyed my husband. I had no knowledge of the world then. I did not know the roads and the bus routes. My husband used to come home late sometimes. He used to tell me that he was engaging in tuition but never brought the money home. After some time, I began to suspect him. The neighbors also had the same doubt. I started observing carefully my husband. 

Reena and Sameeraja wanted to say something. "No one should talk. If you keep silent, I will continue my narration” said Lakshmamma and made them sit quiet. Gayatri, Reena's mother asked Lakshmamma to continue. Sameeraja turned her head away impatiently and moved away. Lakshmamma did not bother at her daughter's action. She started again. 

"I vaguely learnt that Ramakrishna was acquainted with an unmarried girl.  

It appears he told her that he was not married and suggested that they should marry. The girl believed him. This intelligence report was conveyed to me by my neighbors. I did not know what to do in this city which looked like a forest to me. My second birth started then. 

I began to think by myself. As I was not educated, my husband used to take my consent by some means or other and carry out his wishes. 

It was clear that I could not win him by my words. He used to argue with me. I used to get angry for want of words and expressions. I would cry, not being able to express my feelings. He used to pity me sometimes when I cried. Sometimes he used to feel happy that he won his point. 

Many days… many months… many years passed like that. I would not reveal my agony to others. 

If I tell others my problem, I may lose my prestige. People may ridicule me. 

In those days there were no family counseling centers and doctors. Even if they were available, I did not know them. 

Once I turned against him. He assaulted me physically. 

I cried. I did not cook food that day. He ate out and came. I cried the entire day and did not eat food. 

He did not bother about me. He did not even ask whether I had eaten fool. 

It made me more sorrowful. 

In this big city I had none to call my relation. I understood that there was no one who would understand my sad plight. The thought made me pity myself more and I cried more. 

I patted my back myself with words of courage. 

At one point I thought of jumping into Hussain Sagar and dying. 

I thought that I would not achieve anything by dying. 

I must win, live for my children, I thought. 

If I die, he will take another woman as wife. But my children will not get their mother. 

I cried thinking of my children. 

I gave up the idea of dying for my children. 

The younger girl Sameeraja was seven years old. The elder boy Satyaki was ten. 

Satyaki was in his tenth class in English Medium.  Sameeraja was in seventh class. 

The servant maid Devamma asked me why I was always crying. "What is it you don't have? Talk to your husband boldly. You tell him point blank what you don't like", she counseled me. 

This preaching by Devamma created confidence in me gradually. 

My husband got into real estate business and ran a private school while doing his government job. His earnings increased. I put up with his blows for the sake of my children; I put up with insults and went hungry for them. 

Yet there was no change in his nature or behavior. He wanted me to work in some school. He wanted me to study and write exams. 

He wanted me to sit with the children and make them read. He desired that I should cook tasty dishes and treat his friends well preparing tea, coffee and tiffin. 

Whenever guests visited our house, he wanted me to dress up and look impressive and neat. 

By then we had sold the house built on a site of 200 yards in Srinagar Colony and shifted to Durgabai Deshmukh Colony situated by the side of Osmania University. But in the beginning we felt lonely. In the D. D. Colony there is no connection between person and person. If it is no now. You can imagine how bad it was then. If someone dies… if the servant maid does not turn up for three days… no one knows till the body gets purified and smells awfully. In the name of peaceful location, we got a terrifying silence. 

I had some education - I wondered why I was not able to make it bold. 

One day four of his friends came to our house. They knew him well. 

The periods started for me on that day. 

After Devanama left I bathed, boiling the water. 

Severe stomach pain. 

I did not eat anything, did not cook and rested feeling very weak. 

Without observing my condition Ramakrishna gave me orders to prepare this and that item of food. 

I told him that I would not be able to do anything. It was beyond my ability. 

He got very angry. He must have thought of pleasing his friends playing host. 

He took them to a hotel to please them. Returning he shouted at me. 

I too answered him, word to word, in my weakness and pain. 

"Hereafter don't get anyone without telling me first. What do I care if they are your friends?", I said. “Did you care for my difficulty and attend to my comforts?”

“You don't know what I eat, you don't care if I suffer from fever. Yet I have to prepare for you what you want”. 

“Do you think I am a human being or an animal? 

I recollected these words of abuse used by mother when I was young and turned then against him. 

We did not talk to each other for a week or ten days. 

I would cook for him… he would not eat food. 

I waited for two days and cooked for only three of us. By the time he returned home all the vessels would be empty. 

From then on, I forgot using proper words. If he asked me anything I stopped saying "as you wish". 

If he asked me to do something or gossiped with me, I started thinking 'what is the need?', 'in what way am I connected with it?' what do I care?' and thus I got free from doing certain tasks. 

"Will you just eat when I get all things for you?" he accused me with strong expressions. 

"When you cannot sustain your wife why did you marry?" I asked and revolted. 

I decided not to hear or carry out whatever he wanted me to do. 

I clearly told him that I would not bother about anything except myself and my children. 

He wanted to share information about many things with me. But I refused to hear him. 

He was crest - fallen. He did not know with whom he had to share his joy and happiness. 

I said 'no' to anything that he said 'yes'. I said 'yes' to whatever of his 'no'. 

I started opposing whatever he said. 

Gradually children also learnt to say 'no' to whatever their father told them. 

The children lost respect for their father. They stood by me saying that whatever their mother said was right. 

Ramakrishna became a lonely creature. He would ask me to accompany him to the functions arranged by his relations, for festivals and deaths. 

"Why should I come? I won't come. It is all unnecessary for me.  If you want, go", so saying I would oppose him. 

If he sent money home, I used to ask him why he was sending money to his people. I gave up looking after the family needs. If he asked me to pay the dhobi, current bills, water charges, paper bill, phone bill, dish connection bill etc. I would say “in what say am I connected with them? I don't know anything. You better look after them yourself". He must bring milk, vegetables, groceries etc., He would give me money and ask me to get some items. I would tell him that I was a woman and so would not go out. I would further say "if you bring things, I would cook them for you. If you don't bring them I will fast". He tried to cajole and convince me. 

Whenever I said 'no', he used to try all his tricks to make me say 'yes'. 

He would expose his power of argument, his intelligence and talents to make me say 'yes' whenever I said 'no'. 

Yet I would not accept his point of view. 

Thus, his defeat commenced. 

Though I was not able to win, I learnt by life's experience how to defeat him. 

I must say 'no' when he says 'yes'. 

I must say 'yes' when he says 'no'. 

If he told me that the movie was good, I would tell him that it was trash. 

 He would then give a lecture for half an hour to prove how good the movie was. He would then belittle me saying that for my intelligence I would not be able understand it. 

I used to smile to myself because I and my children knew that the movie was really good. 

When someone told me that it was a good movie I went with him. 

It was only to oppose him I told him that the movie was bad. 

There were many such incidents like this. He would call me a mud-head and go on explaining things in great detail and clarity to make me accept his point of view. 

I used to smile at this process. 

I knew his weakness that if I opposed him, he would reveal many good things to make me agree with him. 

I used this knowledge to benefit me. 

He used to exhibit his knowledge in the form of abuses and attempt to make me see reason and try to cajole and console me. 

I started understanding one by one many new concepts and things. The more I opposed him the more I developed the methods of finding fault with him. Then the process of my victory and his defeat started. 

From then on, he did not know what to do. He started asking me first as to what was to be done. Would I fall to his trick? No! I would say “what do I know? Do as you like,” I would say and wait till he made his proposal. Then I would oppose him and tell him that what I thought was correct. 

He would abuse me by saying I was foolish and a stupid and go on shouting till he made me agree to him. 

He would keep telling me something always. In this process his flow of knowledge fell into my tank of knowledge. And the levels in both tanks became level! 

From then on I started saying "do as you wish, please". 

He knew what would happen next. 

So, he would say, "No, you speak your mind first". 

Children grew up. The boy joined the engineering course. The younger, Sameeraja joined the Intermediate course. My husband came to know that the children were understanding everything. He started praising me for whatever I did. I too started cooking the dishes he liked. I used to arrange things neatly in the house to satisfy his liking. 

From then on, my husband changed his tactics. He made it a point to praise me for every small thing. It gave me a lot of encouragement. If he said that the curry cooked by me was very tasty, I would forget my tiredness and feel happy. He would say" you look attractive in this saree". As he went on praising and encouraging me, I forgot the old bitterness, and I started loving him with all my heart. 

I counseled my children that they should respect their father and not oppose him. For some time, they were against me and questioned my ways. I showed them what I was at the dinner table. I would not prepare the eating things they wanted. They came round within a few days. Peace prevailed in the family within a short time. 

The boy concentrated  on his studies. Sameeraja began attending meetings and kept visiting her friends’ houses. 

My work became easy. Satyaki is in the residing United States. He has two children. Now we three are left in the house and we are very happy. I never dreamt that we would enjoy so much happiness in life. Happy we are… 

"This is the secret of my life", said Lakshmamma and looked around with pride in her eyes in a dignified manner. 

"Aunty! You did not tell us about the unmarried teacher. What happened to their relationship?" asked Reena showing great interest in that affair. 

"I have no clear idea. I never used to stir out of the house. How can I go about searching for her? Whom and what should I ask? I cursed my husband and that teacher that they would suffer for their misdeeds… It appears she came to know that Ramakrishna was already married. She confronted him asking why he deceived her and slapped him with her slippers, right and left, abusing him. Then she left him."

"So, Aunty graduated from innocence into enlightenment in this manner", said Reena, all smiles. 

Elderly Gayathri worried herself thinking that Lakshmamma might have felt insulted by the words of Reena. 

"In the old days of Upanishads, people used in their discussion the words "not this", "not this.” Whatever was proposed, the opponents would argue saying 'neti, neti'. (not this, not this). For how long would they keep arguing? They would get disgusted and accept defeat. Lakshmamma had not read about that method. Life taught her philosophy, supported Gayathri praising the life of Lakshmamma. Perhaps her own life was spent in the same manner as Lakshmamma's. 

"Whatever the philosophy, my method was not liked by my daughter Sameeraja. She now picks up a quarrel with her husband every day. I don't want to support her as my daughter, but she stubbornly wants her word to be accepted. I did not insist after some time that my word should be accepted. She does not listen to me however much I try". 

The assembled ladies burst out laughing at Lakshmamma's confession. 

After getting her word accepted by her husband and when it came to her daughter’s case, telling her to adjust herself to circumstances, sounded strange to the women gathered there. 

"Reena's case is also similar. She too used to think that her opinion should be accepted. But such people will get defeated. The old proverb says, "The stubborn fellow is stronger than the king". The saying came true in my case. That is the secret of my success" concluded Lakshmamma. 

"I think you have said everything. Now could I start questioning you?" Reena asked. 

"Let us sit again after lunch", suggested Lakshmamma. 

All the children came running. Lunch took nearly an hour. Then the ladies relaxed for a while. Reena was anxious to get her case decided.

Gayathri collected all the ladies saying that the hour-long rest was enough. She was keen that a few more solutions should be learnt by Reena. 

Lakshmamma said that she did not know more than what she had said. 

"If you want, I will return your fees", she said smiling. 

"You know many things. I don't' know why you are hesitating," Gayathri told her. 

"That is not it Gayathri, Reena wished that everything should happen as she desired. They two are employed. They should adjust themselves to each other. Or she would oppose her husband whatever he says as I did. But if Reena insists that everything should happen as she wishes, she would face defeat. The husband tries to get his word obeyed. If we try that he would not do so, then have we not won?" Lakshmamma revealed the secret. 

Everyone applauded Lakshmamma. Then some of the ladies got up to go round the shops in Silparamam. Sameeraja also met them in Silparamam searching for her mother. 

Sameeraja accosted Reena. Both of them had the same problem. 

"My husband and I are working. We think that we are both equal and we want to live respecting each other with honor. Aunty lived as a dependent housewife. How do we find her experiences useful to us who live as equal to men?" questioned Reena.   

“Yes! Mother’s was all eccentricity”, dismissed Sameeraja. 

Gayatri was cross with Sameeraja”. You speak as though the tree in the backyard is not good for medical purposes”. 

Sameeraja made a wry face. She looked at her mother angrily. Lakshmamma could not bear the situation. She looked away from them to hide her feelings. 

“I know what my mother would say and what she said. My mother is a big termagant. She gave hell to daddy. Or else he would have made a mark ten times greater than what he is. He would have earned hundred crores. She saw to it that there was no peace in the house”, burst out Sameeraja at her mother. 

Gayatri got angry. She was pained that Lakshmamma was insulted before all the ladies. 

“Sameeraja! Is this the way you talk about your mother who served you all her life? How does a woman feel if her husband moves with other women? Tell me whether a wife respects such a husband and bears with him? Do you respect him?” she asked. 

“Aunty! What all mummy said is a big lie. Daddy had no such connections. She created purposefully such problems and black mailed daddy and gave him hell. What do you know how much influenced we were in our lives because of what mother did. The negative thinking we developed in our lives in because of mother” concluded Sameeraja. 

Everyone was surprised at Sameerajas words. Lakshmamma looked angrily at her daughter. Gayathri questioned Lakshmamma with her eyes whether what her daughter told was a fact. 

“What will mummy say? You ask me and I will tell you. Daddy had a friend whose younger sister Sagarika was divorced by her husband and was working as a teacher. The friend requested daddy to visit his sister now and then and care for her as she was alone. Sagarika used to come to our house now and then. Mummy said that she did not see Sagarika as a big lie. If you want, call daddy and Sagarika and talk to them. You will know the whole truth”. 

She was about to leave with Reena as she did not feel like staying there. Before going she turned to her mother. 

“Ever since your marriage you did no work and tortured daddy mentally and rode over him. Because of you daddy lost the respect of his friends and relatives. You think you are gaining in respect by doing so. When daddy does not command respect in society, who will respect you? Do you have any aim in life, you who lived like the shadow of daddy?” 

Lakshmamma looked daggers at her daughter and bent her head in shame. She was pained that her daughter had belittled her in the presence of the ladies. The other women kept silent as they did not want to question elderly persons and as they were surprised at the revelation. 

The calm and cool atmosphere in Silparamam suddenly got heated up. The pleasant surroundings of the place could not calm down their anger. No one of them imagined that the discussion which started on a happy note would turn so serious suddenly. 

Sameeraja had not thought of talking in that manner before she went to Silparamam. For some reason she was disturbed on that day. She was herself giving hell to her husband though she tried to be normal. She knew that her behavior was a result of her mother’s behavior which she had been observing from her childhood. The incidents taking place in the house had their influence on her individuality and life. She did not know how to overcome the problem and get rid of her negative character. 

Lakshmamma could not understand the conflict in Sameerajas mind. Now her emotions broke loose. There were unnecessary clashes in the family. She did not know why such a conflict was taking place, why she was not able to control herself. But she had a feeling that her mother’s habit of torturing her father perhaps was the reason and this thought made her angry. 

The children were playing noisily at a distance. 

For some minutes there was silence. 

Gayatri was afraid that if she did not control Sameeraja, her own daughter Reena also may put her to shame before all others. 

“Then, do you say that your mother was responsible for the fights and quarrels you have with your husband?” Gayatri asked Sameeraja. 

“Yes. As a matter of fact, we do not want to quarrel with each other. My husband is not a bad person. My mother is the cause for every discussion getting into a quarrel”. 

“In our days we managed our families in the same manner. We did not know that it was wrong. We behaved like that with our in-laws. You are educated. why should you behave like us?” asked Gayatri.

Reena and Sameeraja left the place thinking that the discussion would go on like that if they stayed there. 

Reena saw her husband Devender moving about there and stopped. 

“Hai” said Devender to both. 

Reena pretended as if he was a stranger and did not greet him and looked away. 

“Hai”, said Sameeraja and walked a few steps. 

“Reena! Your husband has come for you. But my husband did not come. Your husband is far better than my husband”, Sameeraja said to Reena. 

The two girls did not want to talk to Devender and turned back. But Devender followed them. 

Reena was greatly disturbed as she saw Devender there. She was agitated. She thought for a moment that she was torturing Devender like Lakshmamma. Her mood changed suddenly. 

Sameeraja observed the change in Reena’s mood and started talking to Reena as if she was preaching morals to Reena before the others. 

“If we, young as we are, listen to them, we too will be confined to the kitchen cooking, giving birth to children, giving up our jobs. Their words will help only to make life hellish making us forget the high ideals and goals in life”, Sameeraja said belittling her mother. Reena also supported Sameeraja.

“Will old ways change? What do we desire? Men should work along with us in homes. They too should engage children by playing with them and help bathe them. Men should show equal respect to us also. When our friends come, they should prepare refreshments and tea and give them to our friends. Just as they ask us about our expenditure account, they too should show us their expenditure. What is wrong with it? If they do not get rid of their superiority complex and haughtiness, we won’t be with them. We don’t want these families. We can live with our children as single parent families” Reena spoke her mind. 

 Gayathri was hurt by her daughter Reena speaking ill of the elders. 

She looked at Lakshmamma with anxiety, wondering when her daughter would grow wise. 

Devender had by then reached the group of women. He bent his head as he had blundered. Reena looked angrily at him when he came near the ladies. She suspected that he might have overheard their talk. 

“Experience teaches everything. Will the sun set if cattle are grazed by making them run? This is an old saying in villages. A young cowherd who made the beginning in his new profession made the cows graze by running fast. Will the sun set if he runs and runs? One has to allow them to graze all day! The saying means that one should be slow and steady. Reena and Sameeraja are like the new cowherd who ran in the process of grazing the cattle,” said Lakshmamma and smiled. 

Gayathri supported Lakshmamma. Gayathri said aloud in their hearing that Reena and Sameeraja will realize the truth in a few days. 

“We know everything”, hummed Reena. 

“Sorry Reena! Hereafter I will behave as you desire. I’ll do any work even before you ask me to do it. In these three months I learnt many things. I have realized how it will be without you. Please pardon me. I say ‘sorry’ once more before everyone here. From today we must agree to live together putting a full stop to our misunderstanding”, said Devender raising his hands and greeting Reena with a namaskar. He almost touched her feet. Reena’s anger disappeared. She suppressed her smile with difficulty. 

Gayathri was happy that her son-in-law came in search of Reena. Sameeraja pulled away Reena from that place and took her away to the Silparamam  exhibition by force. Devender tried to explain his problem to the women gathered there. But Gayathri signaled him to talk to Reena. Sameeraja observed Devender following them and began to talk loudly to Reena. 

“Reena! Though we are in the wrong, they should say ‘sorry’ to us. Why because we went to their family leaving our family where we were born and brought up. Because we keep alive their lineage and their surname. So, they have to say ‘sorry’ though the mistake is ours. Then only there will be beauty in married life. Daddy knows this secret’ The secret of mummy’s triumph is that of daddy. Daddy allowed mummy to win by adjusting himself at every turn’ Or else mummy would have been divorced long ago. Our husbands are realizing it just now.”

“When will Sameeraja become sensible?” Rued Lakshmamma. 

“If not today, tomorrow, your son-in-law also will come searching for Sameeraja like Devender”  said the women to her as everyone laughed. 

“Reena!” shouted Devender. 

Reena walked fast as if she did not hear him, smiling happily. 

“Tomorrow your husband also will come like this”, Reena told Sameeraja. 

Sameeraja imagined that situation and smiled, forgetting her anger and thought how nice it would be if things took such a turn. 

Original Telugu published in Andhra Bhoomi, Sunday Edition, 2011.