“Some garments which hearts and minds wear are seen outside the wearer. Some remain unseen like under garments. We cannot say for certain why minds wear these garments. Some wear these clothes out of fear from life. Some others wear them to show off that they are different from others and are greater because of their pride, authority and social status. This kind of exhibition is called by some as splendor.”

“The dresses that minds wear are the artificial tails and  feathers which have been attached by man in addition to natural ones. They are examples of deceit. They distance man from himself. When these additional garments are got ridden it is still possible for man to grow into pure, natural and selfless beings.”

~*~

When Sattaiah was born, he was born like anyone else. As a child he pissed and dirtied himself in the bed like all children. It was his mother who taught him shyness. His mother taught him language. She taught him to dress himself. She put eats in his pockets and taught him selfishness by asking him not to share them with others. His mother taught him to love. 

Sattaiah loved selfishness. His mother lives in the village in an old, tiled house. Sattaiah lives in a bungalow. He gives his mother, sister and brother sarees and clothes more than what others give to their parents. But he does not encourage them to live with him. 

When Sattaiah was doing his teacher- training, he said he would marry Sumathi whom he loved. All the members of his household opposed it. That became a boon to him. On that plea he cut all connection with his relations and left off his responsibilities. His mother realized that by her anger she would be put to loss and on the pretext of her love for grandsons, she went back to her son. Gradually other relatives and friends became friendly with Sattaiah again. Sattaiah was of the opinion that because he came up in life, all his people gathered around him and that if he had fallen behind in life, they would have trampled him down under their feet. This opinion made him love his present status in life all the more.

After completing teacher- training, Sattaiah and Sumathi took jobs as teachers in a private school. They were both selected to be paid a consolidated salary. While working as teacher, Sattaiah went on taking Public Service Commission exams and finally he secured a job. Sumathi, being busy with cooking, maintaining the house and giving birth to children, was not able to clear up the exams. As a matter of fact, Sumathi was more intelligent than Sattaiah.

~*~

It was long time since Sattaiah became the Mandal Revenue Officer. In his self-assessment as an officer, he made her give up her teacher’s job and converted her into an ornamental appendage that followed him wherever he went. After she tasted the pleasure of mental slavery, she considered her role as a housewife happier than as a teacher. Sumathi developed a haughty individuality as the wife of the M.R.O. If somebody came for Sattaiah in his absence, she behaved as if she were the M.R.O. The office staff also treated her as Mrs. M.R.O. and not as Mrs. Sumathi. When the peshkar who was as old as her father addressed her as ‘madam’, she felt happy as if she was the wife of a big officer.

The subordinates of Sattaiah dreaded him. Now he behaves as if he was born as an officer. He has no love for his subordinates or the people. He loves the authority which his job gave him. He considers his love for his position as his love for the people. He poses as an officer and ceases appearing as a human being long ago. Many officers, ministers, people of upper classes and others stopped appearing like human beings but only as haughty officers. Sattaiah is a replica of them.

Now in Sattaiah’s gait his pride and haughtiness are seen. Some people describe the glow of pride that dances on his face as his excellence. They say that an officer has to look like that – with such dignity. The pride in his speech sounds like the growl of a tiger. Not only in his eyes, in the very movements of his body, his splendor makes its presence felt in all its fullness.

Now it has become very easy and natural for Sattaiah to convert the rules intended to do good to the people into something that goes against them, when his palms are greased, he loosens the twists and makes them straight. So, he has earned well. Sumathi and Sattaiah have now forgotten the poverty in which they were born. They speak as though they were born with spoons of gold in their mouths. Their habits and culture have taken such a manifestation now. But the natural goodness which is seen in those who are born wealthy is observed to be lacking in them. They both imbibed the feeling that it is nothing wrong in whatever they did to earn money. All their earnings are getting accumulated into their body fat, in the sarees, in the jewels, in the decoration, in bank balances and real estate business.

~*~

Darkness. The way is full of ups and downs. The jeep was moving fast with the headlights on, like a baby elephant. Sattaiah’s tummy was oscillating. Sumathi, who was sitting between Sattaiah and the driver, was feeling uneasy. 

The driver was driving carefully observing the turnings on the road. Sattaiah, who had eaten his fill, was feeling very sleepy. Sumathi was observing the forest keenly in the headlights. A little rabbit ran across the road, getting terrified at the headlights, and disappeared in the darkness.

“We must have two rabbits in our house as pets, dear,” said Sumathi. Sattaiah nodded his head saying, “let us do so.” In the meanwhile, the headlights of the jeep went off. The vehicle was moving slowly in the darkness.

“What happened?” asked Sumathi worried. The driver did not reply. The driver was sweating awfully, changing the gears. Sumathi was trembling with fear as the agitated driver’s hand was often touching her thighs.

“What happened?” shouted Sattaiah.

“The lights are not working. The breaks have also failed, sir,” said the driver. 

Sattaiah’s sleepiness diminished. Sumathi moved close to Sattaiah pressing his body out of fear of death. Sattaiah was thinking that if he jumped out of the vehicle, he may save his life even if he broke his leg.

“Don’t move,” said the driver in a gruff voice and Sattaiah sat still not knowing whether the driver was confused or cruel. He got worried whether it was the driver’s trick to kill him by throwing him out and rape his wife. He remembered how he had abused the driver on earlier occasions and the expression on the face of the driver on such occasions.

The headlights were glowing off and on. In addition to the turnings of the road, the low gradient was also increasing. The vehicle was going out of control. The vehicle which swerved off the road hit a tree and stopped. The inmates of the jeep did not know that the driver had avoided an accident by cleverly hitting the tree. They were not in a position to guess this in their anxiety and worry.

~*~

“Orei Sattaiah! All these days you behaved haughtily thinking that you were an officer and that you had no one to oppose you. We’ll break your head with these wooden clubs and tell that you died in the jeep accident,” four individuals rushed at Sattaiah, armed with sticks. Sattaiah turned back and ran away in fear. 

“Oh. You dear! Please stop. I am terribly afraid,” cried Sumathi.

“Don’t shout. If you do so we will kill you also. How could you marry that coward of an ass when he made you believe that he loved you? Are you his fourth wife? Is he your third husband? Do as we ask you. Or else we will kill you.”

“I’ll fall at your feet. Take away all my jewels. Don’t kill me.”

“We don’t want your jewels. Don’t you know what things your husband did and bought these jewels? Why do we need those cursed jewels?” They started beating Sumathi. She was crying and shouting.

“Shut your mouth… else we’ll kill you.”

“I’ll raise my hands with respect to you. I’ll obey whatever you ask me to do. Please don’t kill me.”

“Come to your senses that way. When your husband was accepting bribes, did you object to him saying that it was not right, at least once? On the other hand, you encouraged him and asked him to buy this and that. Didn’t you?” they said and embraced Sumathi, carried her to the jeep and made her sit in the jeep at the back.

~*~

Sattaiah kept running. He ran faster as four more people with sticks tried to stop him. It was dark all around. He was short of breath because of his swinging tummy. A few lights were seen through the spaces between trees. Perhaps it was a village. He must take these people to that place and beat them black and blue and save his Sumathi. It must be told that they died in the accident at the tree after thrashing them. By thinking so, he gained a lot of courage. He also remembered that he was an officer and stopped running. He started to walk in a dignified manner.

“Arre! He is our M.R.O. saab. Did the jeep fail, Sir?” the new person asked him. His sense of official authority suddenly shot up as if he was given an injection and his face glowed with pride. He shrugged his shoulders in a dignified manner.

A young man among the four came forward saying, “when we asked him to give us some land for us to build our houses in the waste land, or when we requested him to issue ration cards to us, he made us go round him saying he would do so and did nothing. Did this man not do so?”

“This man promised to sanction a ration shop in the women’s quota and made her follow him. He distanced Satti from her husband, kept her and made her pregnant. This man is that fellow. Isn’t he?”

“Have you come here in the night like the policemen to carry away our women? You there! Bring ropes. This man will not be caught by us again if we miss him now.”

Hearing these words, he lost all his glow on his face, and he began to sweat as if he was given another injection. He quickly bit the hand of the man who held him, freed himself and started running. 

“Orei! Don’t run towards that side. There are bears and snakes. You will fall into mires and get sucked in,” they shouted.

The fear of death freed him from cowardice. The villagers followed him for some distance and stopped. Dogs too followed him for some distance barking and turned back. The villagers enjoyed the scene of the tahasildar running through the bushes, he who always threatened them of dire consequences.

~*~

As the  barking of the dogs died down, Sattaiah got off the tree and looked this way and that carefully. It was all dark below as the trees which spread their branches all round absorbed the light of the stars.

“I’ll decide their fate tomorrow, the dirty fellows. I’ll send the police and get the village raged to the ground. I’ll get all their huts burnt down. I’ll brand the village a heaven for naxalites and get the women raped,” said Sattaiah to himself gnashing his teeth. He started walking again with a dignified gait. 

He heard foxes crying at a distance. From another side he heard some other cry. Something fell with a thud behind him unexpectedly. “Ammo!” he cried and started running again.

His pants and shirt got torn into shreds having got stuck by thorns of the shrubs. The shreds were hanging down. He fell down two or three times. He pulled off his pants and began to run. His shirt too was torn into shreds, and his body began to bleed with the thorny branches of the bushes scratching his arms and limbs. He sat for a while on something soft to relax and removed his shirt. He took off the vest also as that too was torn. He now had only his undergarment on his body. It was dark all round and he did not know what was around him.

He heard a hissing noise. He realized that the object on which he was sitting was an ant hill. Immediately his mouth went dry. He started off running again. He kept running.

~*~

“Hands-up. If you move, I’ll shoot you down.” Sattaiah stopped abruptly on hearing the words. Sattaiah grew courageous on hearing a human voice.

But when he felt the rifle butt at his back, he shivered.

“Who are you?” the sentry of the Naxal group was harsh. The group had got up by then and became alert. Someone focused on a beam of light on Sattaiah. Sweat was flowing down his belly into his underwear. He was heaving. The women there burst out laughing seeing his appearance. Sattaiah was overtaken by shyness. He was not able to see his underwear as his belly obstructed his vision.

Even before he could think of his answer, he received kicks and fist blows. His body was hit as if it was a lump of flour. He made a signal to say he was thirsty. 

“I am not a police officer. I am M.R.O. Sattaiah,” he said raising his palms into a namaskar.

“Arei! Do you tell lies even after you were caught? We’ll melt your belly. Looking at your sumptuously eaten fat body, we thought you are a Circle Inspector or a D.S.P. What is your name? How many of you have come? Where are you hiding? Tell us, rascal.” so saying they beat him again. He fell down prostrate and held the feet of one of those whom he could hold.

“My jeep was involved in an accident. My wife…”

“….is in a life and death struggle. Save her…” that is what you want to tell us and encounter us all. Have you come for that purpose?”

Sattaiah vomited at the blow he received on his belly.

“I am truly an M.R.O. I was returning form the dinner hosted by Bhim Reddy and my jeep failed. Some thieves… my driver… my wife…” he said crying. Someone kicked him on his mouth.

The commander of the group signaled to them to keep quiet and started questioning Sattaiah.

“If so, it is you who got Manda Bhimayya’s land which he had been tilling for ten years, on the name of Chityala Bhim Reddy’s name.”

Sattaiah shivered with fear of having unwittingly told them that he was the M.R.O.

“Why are you shivering so much? Everyone will love his life as you love yours. Though you had the authority to prevent the police from killing them and save them, why did you not take that risk? Is it because it was not your life that was getting snuffed out?”

“Knowingly I did not harm anyone, Sirs.”

“When we respect you and if you show off your pride, we’ll break your teeth. My son was taken away by the police. Though I went round you for a week requesting you to see that he was not killed, what did you do? The power of your authority went to your head. You became selfish and did not want to take a risk. The police killed him and said the boy was killed in an encounter. In your magisterial report you wrote that the version given by the police was the truth. Didn’t you?”

Sattaiah bowed his head. He had got the old mother with her sunken eyes, driven away by his attender when she fell before his jeep at his house and in the office. Her motherly pangs of sorrow made him lose his temper but did not awaken sympathy in him. He wrote off the magisterial report in a routine manner. What was the reason for his heart going stony? Was it pride? Selfishness? Authority? or Cowardice? The inner garments of Sattaiah’s mind began to tear into pieces like his clothes had gotten torn in the thorny bushes.

His younger brother’s children and his sister’s children visited him for the summer holidays. His wife Sumathi accused them of creating nuisance in the house and said she was finding it difficult to cook for them all. Sattaiah sent them away on the second day . He saw before his mind’s eye how the affectionate respect the young children had for him evaporated. For whom was he loving this authority and position? Was it for his selfishness?

“Hereafter, I won’t behave or act like that, Sirs! Don’t kill me. I’ll be grateful to you,” he entreated.

The group commander’s anger doubled when he saw the deceitful humility of Sattaiah. “Arei! Tell me the truth. How much money have you swallowed saying that there were floods, houses got burnt, and elections had to be held etc. reasons?”

“Arei! Tell us the truth. Have you not created 40% of the bogus ration cards for the dealers to gain the profit and for you to receive bribes? When the government wanted to eradicate bogus ration cards, you retained with the dealers sixty to seventy bogus cards and threatened the holders of the genuine ration cards that they would be cancelled and when they raised a hue and cry, the government stopped the eradication of bogus ration cards. Then did you not sigh with relief and felt happy?” the commander’s wife asked Sattaiah, sticking the rifle at his navel.

“Get away. Run off. Don’t be seen again!” shouted the commander at Sattaiah.

“Be off” cried the sentry. Sattaiah did not move. He did not stir. He started shivering again thinking ‘I learn the police allow persons to run and when they run fire at them from behind and kill them. Perhaps these men are asking me to run and then kill me by firing at me from behind.’

The naxals waited for a few moments and tied Sattaiah to a tree and started searching for another place to rest saying that he disturbed their lovely sleep unnecessarily.

~*~

Sattaiah fell unconscious being bitten by the red ants of the tree. He developed fever with shivering as the forest mosquitoes also bit him. By the time he opened his eyes, night had advanced. Either bird or monkeys carried away his underwear which was stuffed into his mouth. Someone took away the ropes with which he had been tied to the tree. A little earlier his wristwatch and a ring had been taken away by someone else. His body was burning as though bitten by scorpions. He had malarial fever and was shivering. He was thirsty. He walked slowly and listlessly. He saw water in a small pit. He drank that water avidly and sprinkled it on his face. He settled down in the shade.

What happened to Sumathi? Should he spend the whole night in the forest? Will it be possible for him to walk again in his fever and weakness? What did they do with Sumathi? His body was not responding to his mind. He had some commotion in his stomach. What water did he drink? He had eight loose motions. Again thirst, again watery motions. His body was burning. It was very cold. He dozed off due to his weakness.

~*~

Sumathi who was taken to the jeep was struggling. Her bangles had broken. Her clothes were torn. Somebody had cruelly possessed her. She struggled to get free and lost consciousness. That man had handled her to his heart’s content. How  long… 

~*~

Sattaiah sat up suddenly waking up from sleep. Why did he get such a dream about Sumathi who considered him as her god? If she ran away with the driver with shame for abusing her with curses, what will happen to his prestige, his children’s future, his property, status and respect?

“Sumathi please, I did all this for you. Don’t go away leaving me?” Sattaiah wept loudly. Surprise. He could not produce any sound.

“For your name and fame, for your status, I did all these things. You converted me as an instrument to get all these things; you prevented me from growing into a lecturer or an M.R.O.” he felt as though he was confronting Sumathi and stood there confused.

~*~

“Arre Satti! Are you here?” said Iyilayya, his classmate who came running to him. Sattaiah did not know whether it was a dream or reality on seeing his classmate.

“There is a lot of news in newspapers, radios and T.V. that you were kidnapped. They sent me as the mediator. Sumathi and the driver are safe in the hospital. Though she was severely injured, she is out of danger. What is it you are doing here? What is this appearance? How is it that you are reduced to half?

Sattaiah was happy and surprised that Sumathi was safe. The driver was also safe. So Sumathi did not face any danger. He took the water bottle from Iyilayya and drank off all the water.

How was it possible? How can both be in the hospital? Who announced that he was kidnapped? They tied him to the tree and left. His head was breaking. He did not guess which was true, which was false. 

Sattaiah ate the food Iylayya brought and drank the water. Sleep over powered on him again.

~*~

Sattaiah moved as if he had no strength. It was getting dark. Iylayya was not seen. As he found water in the canal, his spirits came to life. His tongue had got parched. He was thirsty. His head was reeling. His body was shivering with malarial fever. Slowly he got up. He took wavering steps.

There was no dignity of the earlier days in his gait. There was no splendor also in his face as if he was greater than others. He was happy that there was water in the canal. He bathed for a long-time sprinkling water on him. He had become thin. He did not know how many days and how many months passed. With the bath his body cooled down and fever increased. He lied by the side of the canal coiled up.

Someone had planned to hunt there. They were running towards him. A bomb exploded somewhere. Sattaiah felt as if it exploded by his side. He quickly got up a tree. A bore, which had eaten poisoned bomb had his head broken and ran. Some people followed the boar. Sattaiah got off the tree greatly relieved.

A cheetah growled and ran away which had thought of attacking the boar. Foxes followed the injured boar making a hell of noise. Sattaiah was overcome with great fear. But his mind was working sharply. Suddenly he started running though he was tired.

He kept running. But there was no dignity in his run. There was no pride on his face now. There was no haughtiness, no brightness, no authority. He was running like a typical human being, fearing death. In his tiredness and in his gait, there was nothing seen but a humanness. That was the first step for him to turn into a human being again.

~*~

After the power of authority gets into one’s head, to change one’s mind, one has to wash oneself on the flames of revenge of the opponent. Authority is the foundation for enmity. It is the first step towards conflict. Humility is the only solution.

Original in Telugu published in India Today Weekly (December 1992)