Daksha Yagnam

“Sir, I am Pentaiah. Yes, alias Praveen, sir.

“My life is smoke filled. There is no fire in this life now. This body will not be converted into ashes. The hut of my life has completely been smoke filled. The cow-dung cakes used for cooking food have filled the house with smoke. Look at my hands, sir. Look at the holes, sir. For a little light as small as a glow, my entire house has been filled with smoke. My body is not fit for the cremation ground. It is not fit to live in the house. I have lost all desire and hope on this, my life! sir. What has been left in this body, in this life, sir! …

“You felt pity for me to-day but by the time you could feel pity for me, my heart went dry. My land also went dry. My life itself became dry. My pain has also gotten dried up. Even if I cry, there are no tears in my eyes. I have no language to speak. You got pity on me now, sir.

“You ask me now to tell you what happened. The mistake is not yours, sir. The mistake was mine. It was a mistake on my part to get caught in your hands. It is a mistake for me to be in a situation to answer you and a mistake for you to be in a position to ask me questions. My heart craved justice and invited problems and difficulties. That was the mistake. I felt disgusted with life. I wanted to die but could not and fell into your hands. That was the mistake. I could not tell the truth and invited trouble. There was no mistake on your part, sir.

The mistake is not yours. You have many things to do once you wake up in the morning. You have many holidays. You could find time now to listen to my problems. I am not an actor to cry when you want me to cry, sir. Even before you wanted to hear me, feeling pity for me, my cry got dried up, sir.

You could find time to hear my case exactly after two years and three months. In the meanwhile, my father wondered what this life was and cried. He cried and cried and died. He died even before you could release me on bail. The dead body of my father got putrefied remaining in our house for two days waiting for the cremation and then you passed orders for my bail.

On that day you sent me to jail without looking at my face. Do you remember that sir? You did not ask me that day whether I had anything to say. If you had asked me on that day, your dictation papers would have faced the fate a stone gets when thrown into muddy slush. At that time my heart was muddy and slushy and if anyone wanted to touch it, it would have splashed mud on them. You know what pain is. You know what life is. If you had not known what the pain of your life was, without asking me then, why do you ask me now, sir?

You know everything sir. Knowing everything you want me to make me talk and reveal everything. You want to hear about my life through my words. You want my life to be narrated again. I cannot create stories. It was true that I wanted to die. If you want me to tell you the reasons, when a man’s heart has dried up, if not philosophically, how else one can narrate it with pain and suffering, sir?

The reason is, as time passes the necessities are lost and experiences alone remain, sir. The details of the experiences disappear but continue as attitudes. It cannot be known now whether those symbols are the correct visions of life. If we want to know them, we may have to go into the details. We may have to convert our thoughts and attitudes into experiences again. It will be like creating again the culture of the ancient times for the sake of making a historical film. It is a difficult proposition, sir.

If you don’t mind, I want to ask you a question. You got me to take me to your house on that day at half past eight at night. We were made to stand outside as you were eating your supper. You came out wiping your mouth with a napkin and sat on a sofa. The policeman who took me to you gave you some papers. I do not know whether you read them through or not, but you signed them. You saw me from a distance. Then you went in. That night the police took me away and put me in the same lock-up.

That day when I was presented before you, it was half past eight in the night on twenty third September. There was a cold wind blowing. There was no power. It was raining. That night what curry did you eat sir? How many morsels of food did you eat sir? How many steps did you take from the dining table to see me, sir? Did you move the right foot or the left foot first before you walked towards me? At what time in the night did the servant-maid leave your house? At what time did your dog with white fur go to sleep? That night there was cold breeze blowing and it was raining. There was no power supply. When the ceiling fan stopped whirling how many mosquitoes’ bit you sir?

You may be able to calculate these and tell me, but I cannot narrate the problems and difficulties I suffered; sir. I can tell you how many days I breathed in the smell of urine in the lock up. I can tell you what kind of food was served to me in the lock-up. I can tell you why cases were levelled and on how many people. But I cannot tell you why I wanted to die. When there are umpteen reasons to die every day, which reason and which day can be remembered, sir?

If you want to tell me in one word, I can tell you, sir. My poverty is the reason for my death. It is said that Lord Brahma was tempted to eat a lamb when he saw it. ‘Everyone wants to cut me into pieces and eat me thought the lamb’. It appears the lamb requested Lord Brahma to find a way for it to live. Lord Brahma smiled and said to the lamb that on seeing it and observing its mildness, he himself was tempted to eat it. Our lives are like the life of the lambs. It is not only to the tiger but also for fellow men, when they see us, they feel like cutting us into pieces and eat us.

It would be good if we were cut down and eaten away fully. Just as the nerve is cut and left like that… they drain all our blood out… till all our desires are completely lost. Our lives are cut a little and we are left in that condition, sir. You thought you were sending me to jail to give me life. It looks as though the law has been made that we should not die so that we can live. But do you know sir, that your merciful and generous heart is killing us keeping us alive?

Why do you think that I was taken to your house in the night after eight keeping me in the lock-up for seven days? Why did they not take me next day to the court? If I had been taken to court, they were afraid that I would reveal everything in agony. They subjected me to hellish torture for seven days in the lock-up. They beat me again saying that I should not reveal to you that I wanted to die because of the tortures of the police. My people could not bear the torture of the police and paid them three thousand rupees by borrowing the money. Okay, forget all that sir. I will tell the actual story briefly….

~*~

“We are four children for our parents. My elder sister’s marriage was celebrated when she was very young. When my younger sister Malachi was three years old mother passed away. Father re-married after some time. My stepmother fell in love with Ananda Rao who was younger than her. She left the house after two years complaining that she cannot manage a household with so many people. Ananda Rao lived with her till he married another woman. Later she had to live by herself.

“……. Father brought my elder sister and brother-in-law to stay with us… But they too left as the arrangement did not work well…. We learnt later that Ananda Rao had an eye on sister. Father felt that there should be womanly help in the house. So, I got married at a very young age.

“…. I was a father of three children by the time I was twenty-five. My wife Narasavva was only twenty when she was mother of three children. The entire burden of looking after the house fell on Narsavva from her twelfth year itself. At twenty she looked forty… My younger brother stopped studying with fifth class. The marriageable age for girls started to change my younger sister Malachi’s marriage was performed.

“….. Ananda Rao did not spare Narsavva also. He had a beautiful wife. I wonder why he liked my wife who looked skin and bones like a dried fish. More surprising is the fact that Ananda Rao’s wife liked me when she had a six-foot handsome husband. Any illicit connection with a man or a woman of a higher status gives a lot of self-confidence. I think….

“….. It is said good people die early, sir. Prabhakar was a good man. He died young. He made us know what the world was and left us. He was hardly thirty when he died. He used to call everyone in the house by their names. Though he had studied only up to I.I.T., he had the confidence as if he had read the whole world – with his smile….

“…. When I look at him, I feel as though I am getting rid of all my difficulties. I used to get the spirit that I should live a good life even by fighting it out… There was a power in his smile…. in his words… In that manner I was introduced to politics…. I do not remember the details… meetings …. processions… songs… saluting flags….

“…. The situation changed within a short time . Prabhakar disappeared. Meeting him became something wonderful and rare. I tried to find him out. How is it possible to filter a huge tank…...?

“…. Sir, if those people could not be caught, these people do not lose anything. But ‘law’ began to feel impatient that its authority was being lost… The impatience turned into sadism. Cruelty opened its hoods. Beastliness ruled the roost…. He could not be caught… They developed hatred and suspected that some were trying to keep him away from law. As the Telugu proverb goes the anger of the daughter-in-law on her mother-in-law resulted in the pot being smashed….”

“….. In that manner many from their homes to the lock-up… from the lock-up to the courts…from the court to the jail… lessons in the jail… from the jail on bail back home… from the house to the court for the hearing of the case… case after case… from one adjournment to another… and there will be nothing in the records of the change that takes place in our lives… If the details of those who are involved in each of the cases are written down, enquiry commissions established and the way the laws and acts have been implemented and the defects studied and rectified then and there, there wouldn’t be so many problems, sir. I’ll ask you one question. Please don’t feel upset. Though we come again and again, the case is adjourned. What is it you lose if we don’t come here four times? What great pity you have for me sir! Though I came many times, you adjourned the case knowingly, yet when I could not come, you cancelled the bail and sent me to jail again. You are a higher authority than our boss. Your signature is all powerful. The boss would scold me if I am late and then forget. But you send us to jail speaking gently. The laws are like gold in your hands. They obey your orders as passed by you, sir.”

“….. I left home not being able to put up with these difficulties… By the time I went into the forest I had three children. My Lachi was growing like a jowar plant. Brother learnt repairing electric motors and was earning a little…. I was asked to stand for the post of a sarpanch. I too had such a thought… I believed that I could regain my honor which I had lost because I was born in a low caste… but the difficulties you created and the tortures you subjected me to suffer made me feel that the forest was better than the house. After I left home…. how many experiences! How many places I visited! How much love! If I had contested the elections with all that experience behind me, I would have been elected as the M.L.A…. Prabhakar would have been elected a member of Parliament, sir.

“….. Honorable judge sir! We thought they were the politics of the ruling party… we did not know then that the ruling party will get the authority to make the laws and gain lawfulness through these elections. We did not know about this till Kanshiram revealed that Ambedkar had said this. Because of this ignorance, Prabakhar who made the Parliament shiver, had to die in an encounter. The authority and the elections which we rejected made us undergo detentions and punishments … the seeds were sown there for us to get defeated in life… now if a leaf falls from a branch …. We are terrified. That fear made worthy people unworthy. We were afraid of the restrictions created by ourselves for us. Now… after all that… even if a leaf falls from the branch … we are terrified. We are afraid to talk freely. We are afraid to believe and trust the people, trust close friends… there is a watch on all things… doubt… tension… ulcers… anger… impatience … wrong information because of secrecy. Everything chaotic…. all this happened in a systematic manner… Those who framed this system are now spending their lives happily with their wives and children and grandchildren after they lost their places in the party… They dared not speak of revolution again! I am one of those who believed such people was in the forefront and broke my teeth in the process. sir.”

~*~

“…. You have no idea of that experience. You do not know anything about the happiness and excitement that is part of it. The happiness one derives and the self-confidence one feels sitting under the trees in the forest and discussing how we can change the world is beyond your imagination… in the villages… in hamlets… in the huts in the light of the oil lamp… when they gain confidence in their lives listening to our words…. when their faces brighten in their bodies, thin and dry as mats…. any person who has humanity in him feels like sacrificing his life for them… I used to feel a little jealous when my wife Narsavva, who was with child, sported a happy smile on her face as if she were carrying the whole world in her belly.  The very thought that we were carrying this world  and changing this world gave us a lot of self-confidence… the happiness we derived from their revolution made us put up with any number of difficulties.

“…… Saravva belonged to Nukapalli. What a sweet voice she had! How hard I worked to bring her into the party!... she hesitated for a long time. But once she joined us, she grew up very fast. Because of her I felt like marrying again. I started loving her… when you have a wife at home, do you want another wife? Some people asked derisively… in the party also a mental loneliness was experienced because of one’s in- ability to express one’s feeling to others.. if there is no human companion to whom one can reveal one’s mind such a life is worse than hellish life… in such a condition man craves for the company of another human being, sir!.....”

“… But I could not win Saravva’s love. She loved the district secretary Sudhakar. She married him… I was crest fallen… I could not recover from the set-back… She did not love the man. She loved his position and status in his life…. One year later I expressed the same feeling to Saravva… she smiled… she cornered me with her questions…. in what respect is he inferior to you? … was it in education... in handsomeness… in commitment... in sacrifice? It was true he was more cultured than me… he was well educated… his education fills his face with an enlightenment which cannot be explained, he has self-confidence… he has the language at his command… he can express what he wants to convey….”

“….. He was the son of a teacher. I am the son of a coolie… I do not know anything about that happiness and culture… I thought of winning her love by providing her needs without asking her… in a way I succeeded also... but she told me she would treat me as her own brother…. as a matter of fact, she treated me as a sister would treat a brother, till the end…. how many times have I fallen ill with malaria in the forest! She attended on me calling me “annaiah”, providing me with whatever I wanted…. when I was down with diarrhea having drunk water at everyplace, how sad did Saravva feel for me…. Venkanna the sentry had to sacrifice his life to save me when I slept in the shadow of a tree…. There were many difficulties there but, in those difficulties, there was happiness …. in that happiness there was a perspective … that happiness was a part of our attitude.

“….. My perspective was connected with the lives of our people .... The intellectuals and writers were leading happy lives in cities and in the coastal area talking about revolution .... in the villages too our people should lead free and good lives taking part in the revolution …. peacefully … with an understanding … and change their tactics with strategies and plans … my caste … my birth … my childhood … and my experiences made me think like that … why I felt like that can be understood only if we go into the past history, sir….”

“You would have known …. In the times before history made its presence … the girijan tribes gave up migrating and settled down permanently at some place … when they learnt cultivation and agriculture they had to live at a place … it is all an old story that they felled forests for the sake of agriculture and that professions developed depending on agriculture…

“…. Those who were excommunicated from old villages and those who lost sustenance went to the forests and established small hamlets and felled the new forest and cultivated land. The girijans who migrated in this manner, the malas, the madigas and the yanadis established new villages … they constructed tanks and water holes … as time progressed those who lost their livelihood in the old villages, the young professionals of handicrafts reached the new villages … vaisyas for the sake of business and Patwaris as account clerks and Jegirdars … the Brahmins for these people …. And in course of time the village became theirs … in the name of taxes, for mortgage and loans, the fields went into their hands … so from there some girijans – the malas, the madigas and yanadis used to migrate to other forests in order to cultivate ….

“…. perhaps about a hundred and fifty or hundred years ago, because of the famine elsewhere, some people came to Karimnagar … those famines might have occurred before Sir Arthur Cotton* built the project …. my great grandfather used to tell me … those who came had hardly a loin cloth around their waist and very little things …. Thus, the migration took place following their relatives….”

“…. in those days an acre of good land was available for fifty rupees … in my grandfather’s time the price was between a hundred and fifty to three hundred rupees an acre …. those who came from elsewhere grew rich at the expense of the innocence of the locals … in course of time some of them grew into ‘doras’ or chiefs. They won Nizam’s grace and became jagirdars collecting taxes for the Nizam … Ananda Rao was the eighth in succession among these jagiradars …. by the time his father Ram Rao dora took charge, four generations of our family had been plundered.

“…… as time passed …. by the time our generation started … a small area was available … my grandfather gave up forty acres which had been cultivated as he could not pay taxes during the famine that raged eighty years ago …. The ‘doras’ and patwaris together knocked off such lands getting them transferred on their names … and became masters of hundreds and thousands of acres of land ….”

“ …. when Prabhakar came and suggested that a meeting should be held, I too felt happy like others …. they came first into the village and sang songs playing the drum … they spoke some words …. increasing wages for coolies and farm hands …. banning bonded labor … returning the amounts and lands taken by force … till then non-cooperation … and social boycott … we celebrated the victory march consisting of the people belonging to three hundred villages at Jagityala … with that Ram Rao ran away to the city … but got a police picket established in the town ….

“….. when Ram Rao came to collect taxes we surrounded him and arranged a Panchayati … he stooped low and held our feet … he promised to get the police camp removed … and committed on paper that he would pay back the amount of thirty five thousand rupees which we had to spend on going round the courts for the false cases which he had foisted on us …..”

“ …… he heard everything and finally left the village permanently … the education of his sons and children was in the city … he earned a lot in the business of buying and selling house plots … he later started a courier service also … Tukka Rao dora became a distributor in some agency in my mother-in-law's place ….”

“ …. we imagined that with the departure of doras all our difficulties would disappear …. we thought we were the rulers … we thought that the lands snatched away from us could be cultivated by us again …. we were sure we could live freely … the grama panchayati … the panchayati smaithi …. C.C. Bank … Assemblies … all are ours … we thought we will be present in all these institutions … if only we knew that things would happen in their present manner, we would not have acted like that …. perhaps … our plan was to overcome the problems of the day … Prabhakar said that we should fix flags in his land after Ram Rao left …. I stayed on with the fear that they may fix the flags in our land ….

“ … I was kicked along with all others … we were jailed … I got angry for receiving kicks and blows for no fault of mine … yes … from then on after coming out on bail … I moved freely with ‘annas’ … it was true …. Narsavva fed us all night and day … that was also true … myself, my sister and children … we all handed them letters …. it was also true that we caught hold of doras in four villages and broke their arms and legs … it was also true that one of them died in the hospital … after Reddy was encountered, it was also true we went round villages in a group … it was also true that we re-established the association … it was also true we moved about with guns … also true that we became Naxalites …. it was also true that Prabhakar was behind all these activities …. it was also true when Prabhakar went up in his grade, his vacancy was also filled…”

“ … yes …. it is also true that the doras and the police trembled on hearing my name Gurrala Pentaiah alias Praveen …. it is also true that we collected lakhs of rupees as party funds from toddy contractors while getting toddy prohibited … it is also true we got many things got done with their help … it is also true that they pretended fear before us and later gave information about us to the police … it is also true we robbed the houses of doras in the name of money auction … also true that we could stand in that manner for nearly five years ….”

“ … but the police grazed the cattle in our backyards ... they tortured Narsavva asking her whether her husband was frequently visiting the village … my brother Lachchiraju ran away to Arab countries not being able to put up with the torture and lock-up restrictions … they demolished my house … my sister who was to be married, Malachi, my father and my sister-in-law were tied to stakes and they were raped by the S.I. and five others before my father … my father got bed-ridden … my sister suffered bleeding … the life of my family and my children … suffered hellish torture ….”

~*~

I did not know then … But now it turns into my stomach, sir. For having given us some food, after we left, the police used to come and subject our women to dishonor. Men can run away to escape the police. How and where will women, children, old people and the cattle go, sir? How much cruelty is there in our love of revolution, sir? For having believed that some good was being done and encouraged them… how cruel it is sir, that those who do not know what principles are, what the strategies of revolution are should become targets for torture? Did we plan the revolution strategy by asking their help? As the elderly ‘annas’ said something, we believed it as true … the people also believed them. The children were beaten black and blue because of us. Their land became arid lands. We made lands of doras arid. Thousands of acres of land were made arid. Agricultural laborers left the villages in search of livelihood. You know that we suffer because we have done evil deeds in our previous births. Because we are born poor, you think we have no character and that we should not entertain ambition and desires. If you do not know, ask the Bhagavad Gita which you use to extract a promise from the accused. Or ask the constitution and the police. If they don’t tell you, ask my wife, sir. If my wife does not tell you, my sister will tell you sir … where she was pinched, by whom, what they did. There is no place on her body for further torture. It was not blood that flowed down but it was the tears of joy of her torturers. When I was in the jail also, she was not spared, sir.

… I cannot bear these tortures … I cannot run this family … how long can we live holding our lives in our hands with fear, day in and day out, how to live dying every minute … take me also away into the party … appealed Narsavva many times … she put her proposal before Prabhakar finding out his whereabouts … we women are not cowards ... but what is all this trouble about the family? … let it go anywhere … coming to know of this problem, for the first time in his life Prabhakar wilted. If Prabhakar himself did not know what to tell Narsavva, and console her, what is possible for me?

We wanted to put our children in government hostels in different districts … we also thought of giving them away on adoption … we tried to take sister Malachi into the party … but she said she would not come away leaving father who was bed-ridden … the children cried their hearts out to live without their mother … moreover our children are all dark in complexion … who will take care of them … if they were born with a fair complexion and in a good house, these problems can be solved easily … there is not so much of restriction on children of that sort … who will take into their fold the children of madigas, and old people … though the young men are in the party? … then there is the fear of the problems and restrictions one has to face for having protected them … when we two were there, there was nothing possible … how is it possible for a single person … please tell me, sir … Is not your wife living on your salary, sir … don’t you know that if we are thrown into the lock-up, the police would beat us … don’t you know that they extract money from us … don’t you know that the police threaten saying that if you don’t keep quiet we will kill your husband in an encounter and then seek pleasure from her as a routine … don’t you know that they keep the husband on the pial as guard and inside the house what they do with the women, drinking toddy!?

Will there be a heart that will not suffer agony when the house and the family is demolished? … If there is one such heart … it is no heart at all … I do not know where journey takes which was begun for the welfare of my family and children. There are no families that benefited from such sacrifices as these … everyone is getting bogged down in horrible difficulties with everyday restrictions … when we sought a little comfort and happiness why did we suffer difficulties as large as a mountain .. my mind is confused and disillusioned … there has been no satisfaction that some work was being done.

“… how long can we manage to move about without being caught … our whereabouts and our ways have been known by the police … a revolution is a perennial flow that has no end or a shore. One has to swim constantly and continuously. Revolution has no shores on either side one has to get carried away by it … it was felt that it was not human to leave the family. I decided that such a life for all time was not for me. I wanted to live my life … there was none to console me … Prabhakar having been encountered and others known to me having got transferred to other parts … the saying that those who stay on will stay on and those who go will go away hurt me like spears.....I could not digest such a mechanical understanding of life, such hard-heartedness … in that state of mind I loved Saravva … though she rejected my love she shared my agony till the end as a sister …

“… some Naxalites who came out of the party were given jeeps. Some opened shops. Some became contractors. I established a hotel in a busy center and I had good business … but the police visited me every day … ate … when asked to pay they were implicating me in new cases … if any bandh was announced, I was taken away and put in the lock-up … to whom should I complain? … who was there to support me … if a person was good and nice he was called a bourgeois I called caste elders by names that they suffered from the itch called caste itch .... … those who were in politics. I said theirs was ruling party politics … I said they should be beaten with chappals if they came seeking votes …. I organized meetings exhorting people not to vote for them … in this manner I became an enemy to everyone … I had no good word to say about anyone … why will they help me, sir?

“…. When I came out, many of them faced a new problem. They were afraid that I would stand as an opponent and rival in politics, their status and prestige, they wished that I should be killed in an encounter, they were surprised why I was not taken away and killed … more than the police these people wanted me to be sent into lock-up with the fear that I may reveal all their secrets … how do such people help me, sir….”

“… the police were taking me away again and again … how can the hotel run … I closed the hotel, took some loans and bought an auto. They came in the nights, took me away in the auto saying they had some work and pressed me to reveal the whereabouts of ‘annas’ …. of the eighteen cases foisted on me eleven were struck off … some friends who were in the party saw to it that there was no evidence … so the police think that I have still some connections with ‘annalu’.”

~*~

…. here …. varieties of difficulties … when we killed their father, there were some who witnessed it … why do they show pity on me though they know that I left the party … they concocted strong evidence against me … the party came to my rescue and threatened them … so they planned to kill me in an accident …

“… sir, if I had not got into this bog, I would have become a sarpanch long ago. I would have easily defeated the dora. When the whole village was enthusiastic about me, I gave up all posts and contests … it resulted in the good-for- nothing Purushotham Reddy becoming the sarpanch. Now he has become all powerful and I have to hold the feet of that coward …

“ …. Nalemuchu Raji Reddy who was my sub-ordinate became a surpanch then … now he became the mandal president … as soon as Raji Reddy surrendered his brothers-in-law rushed to him just as people rush to the plane and garland a chief minister … and invited him to join their party … some grew up like that after they surrendered … now the Collector and the S.P. also show respect and honor to Raji Reddy … his caste also helped him to come up … my caste helped me to be suppressed.

If a man belongs to high caste, even if he is caught, he will be sent to jail … if the caste is low, even if the person offers to surrender they kill him in an encounter making him believe that he would be let free … if a Naxalite belongs to a high caste, as soon as he surrenders, though he is a non-entity, he is made an important Naxalite … though they changed their lives, they did not change their castes … they changed parties, their power did not change … Raji Reddy who has a poultry farm with five thousand birds is now a mandal president … Rameswara Reddy who rejected naxalism and opened a chicken center became a minister twice … my life has turned into this mess … those Naxalites who have relatives and friends in the ruling party are leading happy lives as Naxals … though they are caught by the police they talk like doras … they speak in a good language … they can make people call them intellectuals in all admiration … we do not have such a language … we have no propositions and theories … if only I had command over the language I would have said I got separated from them and would have started a new party …

“… those who worked with me left to the four corners … Venugopala Sastry is a sub-editor of a daily … Viswarupa Rao is a now a contractor … Tirupathi Reddy who is the brother-in-law of a MLA did MSc and became the Principal of a private college … in this manner their lives got shaped on their castes … they were victors in life even after surrendering … their salaries got fixed … what did I get … my life has become the dinner leaf torn by dogs ….”

“ …. not that I do not have noted personalities ... there is Achyuta Sarma Rao who was born in our grandmother’s village … he has a name in the revolution … he lives in the city having purchased an apartment for four lakh rupees …. No one else knows better how to save his skin … he strives to earn a name … he cares for those who have a name … he arranges a meeting … for people like me and he just brushes us aside. If the police knock at the door, they raise a hue and cry and take the matter to the chief minister and the Governor ... they have relatives in all parties … if arrested they get the arrested person released immediately …”

“… if we die, they start writing poetry … people like me feel that we get a great name if a poem is written on me and get into the party .. in olden days kings used to fight battles and made ministers sing the heroic deeds and attracted young men into the army … the heroic songs rendered on the battles of Palnad and Bobbili were used only for this purpose … what they want is that we should join their army … or else who will care for us if we are alive … will the citizens’ rights organizations or the revolutionary writers care for us if we are alive …

“… when I was jailed, no one went to my house to console my people. They will urinate at the mention of uneducated Naxals like me … if we meet them on the road they ask us not to talk to them ... if we go to their houses they ask why we met them … if I go to their houses they feel and say that restrictions on them would be imposed … they do not meet me or talk to me … but they say their mind is only on revolution … though they talk of revolution, their lives should be happy ones … their jobs … their four figure salaries … the education of their children … their comforts … their honor … should all be safe … that is also what I too desire … that in our village also the lives of our people should run smoothly … they call this desire unprincipled … those who said so are pursuing their jobs and profession as soon as they lost their places in the party … but they do not care for the people even as a leader of the ruling party or a member of the citizens’ rights forum care for the people … they behave as very important people as long as they enjoy leadership in the party … as the saying goes .. if it is not your bottom, creep along till you reach Kasi … this saying applies to them … if the tortures, blows and sacrifices are not his or his families’ that is enough … they approve all strategies and plans saying they are correct … give me your food today, I will give you a medicine to mitigate your hunger, they say … they make good all the developments for themselves today and promise to you the developments of the future … to achieve this they want revolution … they get highly educated and do their jobs and follow their professions, they send their children to English medium schools away from revolutions, enjoy life with their wives … and say that a fellow like me who has worked for five or six years in the party has lost all his principles, the jaw bones of such asses should be broken … they will know what it is, those who criticize without doing sacrifices, when their wives and daughters are raped …

“ … they build houses and lead happy lives with their wives and children … they need good jobs, name and fame. Our deaths and our arrests should be the causes for their glory … when did they think of us that we should lead lives like them? I got spoiled listening to their lectures and songs and their writings … Sureedu in hiding, Kondapalli Seetharamaiah … P.V. Rao … Mukku Subba Reddy, Chenchaiah, Kalyan Rao … all these and Revu Ganpathi … Adi Reddy … also … it is like listening to the words of the teacher, the results being – he in the temple and I outside in the cold … their daughters, sisters and sisters-in-law get married without dowries … but what about us … they are all like elephants … dead or alive the elephant costs ten thousand rupees … if they work in the party, or if they come out … if they die in an encounter they lose nothing … they get a great name in the country … the entire country comes to the rescue and help their wives and children, sir”

“A person built a house on his grand daughter’s name spending twenty lakh rupees. I too want to lead a very common and normal life like Sureedu, Mukku Subba Reddy and even Kondapalli Seetharamaiah … a man who lived a revolutionary life for forty years and was responsible for the deaths of thousands of people has a right to lead a normal life … but having spent four years in it without proper knowledge and return home, why don’t we have the same right to lead a normal life?

“ …. I joined the revolution and got defeated in life … when I joined the revolution to win back my life … the revolution gave me the life that faces defeat, sir …”

~*~

“ … each person has his own reasons for the restrictions increasing … the party is afraid that the recruitment stops if there is no restriction ... there is hardly ten percent recruitment from the areas where there is no restriction on groups and castes … on one side – where is the possibility of swallowing lakhs and crores without audit if the demon of Naxals is not shown? … if there are no encounters, how will they make square old scores? … how else will they get promotions? How can they rob or rape if they had no provisions for restrictions? … if the Naxal problem is not there how can the government divert the attention of the people from their corruption and ineffective administration? ….”

“ … On this side …. Not even one has become a whole timer from the lakhs that moved from the coastal districts … if they had no problems why did they attend the meetings? … they do have problems … also opportunities to live well …. So, workers could not come up as cadres during these twenty years … they came only as leaders … and each leader wanted the revolution to run according to his wishes, and no one bothered about the people, sir …

“ … the ruling party helped us in many ways to prevent us from contesting elections for fear they would get defeated … it is not known to how many gods they prayed … the gods alone should know ... if anyone questions the social inequalities loudly, if they should be punished, how is it possible to put them down saying they are connected with Naxals if there are no restrictions on Naxals? … in this manner there are reasons and reasons for people to desire for restrictions …

“Five lakh people attended Kanshi Ram’s meeting. Six months later the candidates could not poll even five thousand votes … should there be a restriction on the Naxals when ten lakh people attended their meeting, sir? … if they are given a chance for five years it will get settled in its proper place ... you are converting innocent people into Naxals by promoting and encouraging them, sir ... if there is freedom all parties will be questioned … so every party has its reasons fearing opposition from within …

“ … having entered into the fray of the cows, we calves got our legs broken … what did we gain .. I went round places and borrowed money for my sister Lachi’s marriage. No one came forward to marry my sister without dowry though I was in the revolution ... I asked some young students .. there is a girl … her brother is a revolutionary … she has to be married … she has a little limp … she is dark … she was raped by the police … this I did not reveal, of course … I did not mention her caste also … I told them that she was beautiful …also that she had a good idea about the revolution … will any of you marry her, I asked  … their ideas are restricted to meetings only … they have no desire to shape their lives in accordance with their ideas … they want girls who are well educated and those in jobs as their wives … they both talk of revolution continuing in their jobs … but they do not want to marry the wives, daughters and sisters of those who sacrificed their lives for the revolution … how is it possible for our people to study when economic problems have also to be faced along with restrictions imposed on a fellow like me for joining the revolution … though educated how is it possible to secure a job? … those jobs and the education have been taken away by others … they are leading happy lives without any connections with the revolution …

“… when a young man came forward to marry my sister though he knew she was raped, I felt happy. He had no parents. I thought that human quality was still alive … but then he opened a shop with the dowry amount and when he earned well and became respectable, he tried to get rid of our Lachi … he enquired about the rape by the police by pointedly asking her again and again and started torturing her … she jumped into a well, not being able to bear the suffering … she survived but became lame … he then left her … she surrendered herself to appease her hunger … I could do nothing but cry after learning about her condition because I could not think of performing her marriage again … the man whom she believed deceived her … now she is called a prostitute … though we could organize lakhs of students into a group we could not change their culture … if at least one of them had married my sister, her life would have been of a different kind … the young men of our caste were afraid to marry my sister who was part of the revolution, feeding everyone and obeying whatever she was asked to do … they were also afraid that if they married a girl who was so intelligent, she would not obey them an also the restrictions we bear may have to be shared by them too … all these negative points coming together my sister’s life suffered finally.

~*~

“… If I look back what is it I have achieved, sir … Narsavva went away to her mother not being able to bear the restrictions … my Lachi ran away to her relatives … for want of medicines and care my father passed away … the money sent by my brother from the Arab countries for the visa was not sufficient to clear the debts … though my brother had nothing to do with the revolution, as soon as he returned from the Arab countries, he was thrown into the lock-up, tortured and they knocked off half the money he had earned … because of me, my single self, my people and many families were destroyed … what is that we gained, myself, the people of my caste, as a result of the revolution? …

“… my children stopped obeying me … they took to their own ways of living … Ram Rao dora died of heart attack … his people accused me saying that I appeared to him in a dream and as a result he died of heart failure. Ananda Rao’s brothers moved about with the same associations when they were studying –thus they knew all important ‘annalu’ … they won the sympathy of the powers with the plea whether they should suffer now for the sins of their forefathers as doras … they asked why they should not sell their lands, not for their benefit but for the education and marriages of their children … the party fund reached the party through the middlemen … some land was appropriated to the sangam as a gift … and they used to get the permission …”

“… now Ananda Rao and his brothers feel happy that ‘annalu’ not allowing them to sell the land was beneficial and they pay their grateful thanks to ‘annalu’ … I learn that Ananda Rao’s brothers praise us before our Lachi … your brother saved us from those slushy fields, cattle mess and that horrible life exposed to sun and rain by being in the revolution … yes, don’t they? They now move about in A.C. cars without placing their feet on the ground … our struggle for a new way of life showed them a new world for them ... whereas like the frog in the well, our lives and attitudes got shrunk into nothing … in olden days, after the teacher – taught ‘gurukula’ education, the son of the king was sent out with the son of the minister to go round the country for two years to know the world on the condition that the son of the minister should not reveal his identity … but the young prince returned by waging a war winning over countries … in the same manner the doras became wealthy seths after leaving the villages … they became industrialists, contractors, leaders of the state, doctors, engineers, owners of private colleges, government officers, and all those who ran away from villages are living happily now … there was never any problem faced by them with regard to their power or prestige … there was no loss on any account for them … Ananda Rao’s brother Hari Gopala Rao is now a Reader in the University and is playing an important role in the Citizen’s Rights Committee by shedding his haughtiness and learning a little humility … the price of the land which they wanted to sell then was priced at Rs. Five thousand an acre … now that land costs one lakh an acre … even if they give party fund and even if they allot ‘annas’ a little land, what is it they lose? …

Maddunuru Tejeswara Rao dora breaks coconuts and offers them to gods praying that the revolution should be a success. He ran away from forests and earned hundred crores by coming to the city. He says he would have earned thousand crores if the revolution had started ten years earlier. Many people do not know that because he asked his people why they continue as landlords living in villages instead of becoming industrialists. As a result, the old class people disappeared and the new class of industrialist is flourishing. That means the villages of Jagityala have changed into the villages of Gudivada with the help of the struggle and the project waters. Now the landlords are not being killed but the killing of those other than landlords by shooting them down makes this clear … but the culture of the revolution is preventing caste wars.

There is great truth in what Tejeswara Rao dora says …if the revolution had started ten years earlier … to be more precise …if it had commenced twenty years earlier … the share of Telengana to Telanganites in the political, economic, cultural and social areas would have been in their hands … the doras of this area would have established institutions like Andhra Sugars … Nagarjuna Fertilizers etc and would have prevented the loot by the coastal people …our people would have done better than them and moved forward … education would have flourished twenty years earlier and the jobs in Telangana would have been got by the people of this region … agriculture would have taken the lead twenty years earlier. Then the advent of ‘Guntur villages’ in Telangana districts would not have come into existence at all. … if the landlords prospered like industrialists there would not have been these struggles. The expansion of the coastal people and others prevented the development of the landlords of Telangana. As a result, armed struggle against the landlords of this area had to be taken up.

“… sir, you may belong to the coastal area … as you are a judge, think in terms of justice … Tell me truly … if in 1956 Telangana had been formed as a separate state would this situation have arisen at all? Just as in the coastal area, the important people of this area would have grown into industrialists and would have gone to cities leaving the villages … would they have lived in villages even if they were requested to do so … would landlordism have got into this sate of stagnation? … if a Tahasildar got promotion his subordinate would have got promotion as a Tahsildar … the junior assistants would have got promotions by stages … if the doras of this area grew into landlords and industrialists, we would have become clerks, teachers, mechanics and workers … the coastal area communist leadership reached greater heights in the name of Telangana struggle, became masters over us and in the name of oneness destroyed our lives. All the opportunities available in the Talangana were knocked away by the coastal people … they diverted the budgets to their region … political power also was theirs, now they talk of Naxalites and are obstructing developments, sir …

For that fort … he fought to gain the upper hand and we fought for his losing it … now the Muddunuru dora has bequeathed it to the village and the village school and thus expressed his gratitude … and his enlightenment … that enlightenment is now trying to unify the revolutionary parties and strive for separate Telanagana … though what the revolutionary parties profess is class attitudes, in practice it helped only in making the upper class landlords grow into wealthy industrial localized class.

“…to tell the truth except for a few haughty doras, who would be angry with the revolution now? … then they lived in one village … now they live in villages and live in towns and cities … all parties are theirs … they know how to drive away people of my sort and this art they derived from their caste … those Velama doras …and Reddy doras … became leaders of the revolutionary parties also … they are not actually the children of landlords … they grew from poverty and thought of becoming upper class bourgeois but settled as petty of upper class bourgeois and from there gradually … developed newly rich upper class mentality … starting from Kondapalli to Adi Reddy and to Ganapathi … they are all the same type …

“… before the doras left the villages and went to cities … the business in cities and towns was handled by vysayas … padmasali … viswabrahmana … gonda … other shudra communities and castes … now these professions also have been taken over by the doras … Red terror so positively made them to act and master the science of development … Ambedkar wanted the new development and growth to reach the classes of people who had yet to grow .......... the revolution made it difficult for the down trodden to reach it and passed it on to the upper classes … the burden of restriction fell on the castes and classes that needed to grow and all development went to the upper classes and the ruling classes … if I had known about this then itself I would not have joined it … now the past did not help me but is haunting me like a ghost … what benefit did we get out of twenty years of revolution … except self-confidence …

“… now the doras and the ruling classes have love, fear and devotion for revolution … they can save without an encounter taking place … it is very easy for them … officers … the police … the leaders … all are one … all are their own people … or those who listen to them …

“... oh judge ... I am not angry with anyone for things to have taken this shape ... I do not feel angry with the police who bounce on us like a ball that hits the wall ... my anger is not on the ruling class ... this is not anger ... but .... agony, pain, sadness, tears ... why did the course of history become topsy turvy? ... within these twenty years our ambitions have become upside down ... how did the ambitions of the doras who lost all hope surge forward? ... why did the development of the depressed classes not take place because of the revolution? ... why did the results of the struggles boomerang? It is not important to ask how much struggle was waged ... its impact and result ... but how much of it was registered ... that is important ... experiments are ours ... results are theirs ... restrictions and sacrifices are for us ... experiences, leadership and development are their share ... I am worried why it has been happening like this ...

“... Oh, my revolutionary friends! ... as time passes feelings die down ... the history of experiences also disappears ... but the attitudes and perspectives that grow out of them will keep going forward ... that is why history means it is the history of perspectives ... that is why man will be re-writing his history according to the perspectives that are born out of experiences ... my people of seven generations ... have to rewrite the history like Spartacus* ... that will be incomplete like this ... the definition of incompleteness depends upon your perspective ...

“... Sir ... my people know only to struggle and fight but do not know how to derive benefit from them ... my people have our anger and emotion but not worldly wisdom ... my people know only to die but do now know how to win in life ... we belong to those oppressed castes which have produced for thousands of years all articles and created arts with our hands without knowing how to market them and make money ...”

“... Our products and art attracted the world ... with that migration and wars commenced ... those who enjoyed our art and labor handed over the country to the foreigners because of their selfishness ... we did not know the language ... we did not know how to express our ideas ... we had no history ... this is not my history ... this is the history of someone else ... my business is to carry on my shoulders the leaders ...

“... On that side the police ... on this side investigation whether I turned into an informer ... what is more torturous than questioning and doubting truthfulness, sir ... the government itself is afraid and is shifting the police stations into towns ... if a note is sent to the S.I. or the minister, out of fear or devotion, the required amount is given for the party fund ... but why should innocent people be tortured on the pretext they gave food or shelter, sir?

... Why should they be thrown into jails and made to run round courts for cases? ... when the leaders of all the parties are getting things done because of fear, how can it be considered a crime if the same help is given because of affection and admiration, sir? ... when my wife ... out of fear or affection ... without my knowledge had carried information once or twice ... why should she be punished so heavily, sir? ... ‘annalu’ also did not believe ... they thought that she tried to reveal their presence to the police when opportunity presented itself ... that was the reason why I took part in the procession of a lakh of people taken out against the police and the Naxalites organized by the Ambedkar Associations ...

“... Now every step I take is being assessed with doubt ... the two sections are referring to dictionaries to find meanings which are not there ... sir, because of continuous jailing the fire in us has cooled ... 

“...This life has been covered by soot ... the house where revolution is cooked, for want of oxygen, the house is filled with smoke ... my history has gone, hazy ... now my life is smoke without fire ... our lives smell half burnt wood ... people here do not get burnt all at once sir, pass a death sentence on me ... or hang me as my life neither can be burned in fire or converted into ashes 

“... I am not an individual ... I am the mother earth of lakhs and crores of Telanganites ... call my children and sister devadasis, as prostitutes and pass the death sentence on me ... my Telangana craves for freedom now ... the villages and towns which we gave shape should belong to us ... all these lands which we cultivated by felling the forests should be ours ... we should reap the benefits of growth and development ... we have to develop...

“... We want freedom ... we need freedom from the heavy weight of the schemes of revolution placed on our heads for the mere asking of a change in our lives ... the death sentence gives us freedom of all kinds ... so I request you to record this as my dying declaration.

... Ha! ... ha! ha! I came making all arrangements sir ... I swallowed the required number of sleeping pills that will kill me. My Telangana is committing suicide...”

“... Oh ... my people of the world ... don’t play with this corpse and save humanness in man .... co-operate with us for our freedom and equality ...”

Pentaiah alias Praveen collapsed in the court hall ... a crowd gathered around him ... there was a hubbub in the court hall ... van – van – doctor ... doctor ... phone ... phone ... cries, shouts ... the court hall was jam packed. 

In that confusion the pen of the judge broke.

Original Telugu published in December 1997, Vipula Monthly.