Janu!

I received your long letter. I have come to know about the turbulence in your domestic life. Thank you for your concern for me, and for your love.

You know everything about me. You should have been the one to answer those who criticized me. When you questioned me again on their behalf, it caused me some irritation. Why should they care how I live my life? I will live exactly as I please! Why do they concern themselves with the affairs of my household? Have I ever pried into theirs? Every house has its own hearth of mud—it's just that some crack sooner than others. Why do they care about our family's culture and decency? It’s only to broadcast it all over the marketplace, isn't it!

I am working. I live alongside everyone in society. I wear the clothes I like. I save my salary. I am paying for the installments for an apartment I bought in a gated community. I serve people within my capacity. I even bought another flat, thinking it might come in handy for something in the future. That is just my way of saving.

Why do they insist I should sell it? Why should I sell? What am I supposed to do with that money if I sell it? The price of flats is rising day by day. It is their conspiracy to usurp my plot! "She isn't married. She has no children. What will she do with it anyway?” when they talk like this, why don't you confront them?

I have a multitude of goals. I intend to sell that plot eventually and build a shelter for orphans. If I wait another five or six years, it will fetch a much better price. If they can be so greedy, shouldn't I have my own aspirations? I am a woman living alone! They know people are threatening to encroach on my plot and forcibly register it. Couldn't you have stood up and asked them, "How can you do that when all of us are still here?" Do you honestly believe they care about my well-being rather than their own selfishness? Is this how people talk when they truly want to do someone good?

I am second to none. My social circle is vast. Tell them that if they play these malicious, absurd games, it won’t end well for them. What exactly is their motive? "She is alone. Isn't one apartment enough? What will she do with this plot?"—am I obligated to explain everything to them? Do I not deserve a private life, a sense of privacy? Do I not have goals of my own?

"No matter who it is, and no matter whom it concerns, prying into everything is simply unbecoming."

What is it that they want to lecture me about? Why should I listen to what they say? Do they ever listen to what I say? For that matter, have you ever truly listened to me?

"Don’t get married! Marriage brings nothing but misery! Once born a woman and married, bearing children is inevitable. You cannot escape the endless drudgery of housework, cooking, and catering to your husband, in-laws, and every guest who walks through the door", you yourself lamented this. The root cause of all women's suffering is this patriarchal family structure. They sanctify it by calling it marriage. Once married, a woman is nothing but a slave to the household.

Will Rosie ever listen if we tell her? When told that one child is enough, she made excuses! On one hand, there is love for the children; on the other, resentment and anger toward the husband. Why can't she just leave him now and live peacefully, raising her children on her own? But then, she lacks that courage. Yet, she craves our sympathy! Under the guise of responsibilities lie domestic abuse and mental torture. What can we possibly do? Can we meddle in their family affairs?

Janu! You asked about me, didn't you? Listen, I will tell you. Within the institution of marriage, they declared 'Stri Svatantryam Narhati' (A woman does not deserve independence) in the name of Manu’s code of righteousness. That is precisely why I oppose Manu. This system, which oppresses women in the name of culture to extract free labor, must change. Change is sweeping across many nations. The conventional setup of marriage, children, and family is rapidly declining. Women are proving themselves. Living arrangements based on mutual respect and cohabitation are taking shape. Even in India, this system is just beginning to emerge. The law provides them with protection.

"This is my body, my salary, my intellect, my freedom, and my preferences. Should I hand over the power of attorney of my own body to a husband and dance to his tunes? Isn’t that what marriage is for? What is there in marriage for women except punishment and a lack of happiness? No matter how talented she is, she remains a second-class citizen under her husband.

Our marriage system is like casting our own vote to elect someone, only to let them abuse us!" A generation has arrived that believes marriage and children are not the ultimate purpose of life. We must give courage to such a generation. We must stand as their companion and shadow.

Whether it is Rosie’s case or anyone else’s, it’s the same! "There is no use putting your head in a mortar and then crying out that the pestle is striking you."

Janu! Just look back for once! How vibrant used to be? And look what you have become! I know the depth of love you carry within your heart. How deeply agonizing must it have been for you to write that letter?

Back in college, you were hailed as the 'Beauty' and the 'Aishwarya Rai,' with so many admirers trailing after you. Just try telling those stories to your husband with a hint of imagination. Watch how his face turns as scorched and dry as a burnt piece of flatbread! But then, I know what you’d say—that if you ever spoke like that, divorce and brutal torture would be your only fate. If so, how on earth do you tolerate the absurd, fabricated stories your husband feeds you? He claims that despite receiving far better alliances than you, you supposedly appeared in his dreams, begging him, which is why he married you? Did he spend four months pursuing you for your sake, or was it merely for your salary? Summon some courage and question him directly!

It’s not just you or me. Everyone faces one ordeal or another, be it due to caste, dowry, or unemployment. Tell him bluntly that if these barriers of caste and discrimination hadn't existed, an alliance like yours would have been entirely beyond his reach! Tell him that if he lacks the strength to swallow that truth, he must immediately cease those daily insults and the words that subject you to mental torment! What happened to your beauty, your education, and your youth from those days? Confront him and demand answers, for he is the reason they are gone! Ask him what exactly you have achieved by losing everything. You can't wear the clothes you love because he dislikes them or gets angry. You can't style your hair the way you want. You can't even meet your friends.

What have you gained by trading away your freedom? Two children and a tubectomy operation, is that it? An apartment, a mountain of domestic drudgery, and tons of crushing responsibilities—is that all? Constant torture wrapped in piercing, sarcastic remarks. Isn't this the grand achievement of your marriage?

To those women who gloat, thinking, "My husband belongs to me, he is my asset"—does that husband offer you the same love, respect, and value for your words in return? If your husband truly cared about you and your health, wouldn’t he have undergone a simple, five-minute vasectomy operation instead of making you go through surgery?

Who is responsible for the misery that repeats month after month? He growls at you, questioning why you even need a day off. If you ask him to cook, he slams the utensils away in a fit of rage. Is this his answer? He won't even sweep the floor. He doesn't wash the dishes. He doesn't cook. He doesn't clear the table. He doesn't wash or dry the clothes. Clutching the remote, he just sits lazily in front of the TV. You, on the other hand, return from the office, change your clothes, and despite being utterly exhausted, you are the one who must head straight into the kitchen to brew tea or coffee, and slice fruits for him! Is this what equality means? In these matters, Rosie’s agony and your agony are exactly the same! The sole reason is that you are wives, and they are husbands.

What kind of logic is it for him to appropriate your entire salary and then hand you petty pocket money? After serving him like a slave, how can your ATM card remain in his hands? Registering the flat bought with your hard-earned money under his name? Doesn't that mean he has absolutely no trust in you? He showers immense love on you only if you cook the curries he demands, wear the sarees he chooses, and accompany him to social functions even when you have absolutely no desire to go! Why on earth does your husband hold your ATM cards? If you held his ATM card instead, you too could save a fortune and purchase another flat.

Janu! All the questions you asked me to use Rosie’s name were actually your way of weighing and evaluating your own life, weren't they?

Rosie and you both wish to live freely just like me. Do I not know your inner longings? But now, after having lived through so much life, it isn't that simple. Responsibilities have piled up. You will naturally ask, "What about the children?" Isn't that right?

You claim my parents used my salary and ruined my life. I don't need such sympathy! If I were the eldest son of the house, wouldn't I have taken the responsibility to marry off my younger sisters? Think of it that way! My parents spent their entire lives just to educate me, a lone girl. Since I am the eldest child in the family, if I were to marry first and leave, who would support my parents and younger brothers? Do you still think I don't have a right over my own salary?

Janu! Knowing everything, how can you too ask me why I am still not marrying, even after everyone's education and weddings are done? Don't you know how many sacrifices it takes for a family to rise from the first generation to the middle class? Don't you know? Whether it is the eldest son or the eldest daughter of the house, one cannot escape making sacrifices for the family within this social structure!"

You might think that even after everyone else settled down, my parents deceived me by not seeking marriage alliances for me and deliberately turned away whoever came asking. Well, that might be so. But even then, I cannot vilify my parents. If I truly wanted to marry, couldn't I have? However, men all behave the same way when they are in love. It is only after marriage that their true colors unravel. In today's society, love and marriage are absolute trash! Aren't they filled with nothing but breakups? Compared to that, isn't it far better to remain unmarried and live alone? For some reason, I have harbored an aversion to marriage since my childhood.

I grew up coddled by my parents, singing and playing lightheartedly. Being the eldest child, I lived like a princess in my home. But when I look at the marriages and domestic lives of you all, they look like nothing more than a wretched, thoroughly suppressed existence. I can never fit into this conventional family structure. Matchmaking sessions used to fill me with a strange irritation! I intentionally sabotaged numerous alliances. To ensure no proposals came my way, I even laid down a bizarre set of conditions for the marriage bureaus. Caste didn't matter. Only those willing to step forward without demanding any dowry or gifts were to approach. They had to produce a health certificate proving they were free of diseases. Along with that, the groom’s salary certificate had to be attached. I declared that I would continue working after marriage, my salary would be mine to spend as I pleased, and I would give it to my parents. My parents would reside with me. I wouldn't bear children, and the husband must undergo a vasectomy immediately after the wedding. I wrote it all down point-blank. With desires like these, who on earth did you expect to turn up?

Yet, surprisingly, a few still came forward, stating they admired my personality. It was I who rejected them. Thus, I willfully cast away those marriage alliances myself. Call it my arrogance, if you will. Call it self-respect! Call it a fear of marriage! Or call it resentment because my parents and relatives never took my marriage seriously! Think whatever pleases you!

But Janu! It has been my childhood dream to use my earnings to extend a helping hand to impoverished young girls. I used to wish someone would help me, and now, for those girls, I can only say that this thought of mine has shaped itself out of a natural sense of hope.

Janu! Countless individuals are living single lives in this society. How utterly peaceful it is when there is no such thing as marriage! Just imagine it for yourself once. Convey the exact same thing to Rosie as well—tell her that she needs to break free from this mutually dependent psychology. Why don’t you try telling her one more time?

Marriage is not the ultimate definition of life. I do not believe, nor will I ever accept, the notion that life finds its fulfillment only through marriage. 'Marriage' is simply a sugarcoated name devised by traditionalists to suppress our capabilities and creativity, to exact servitude under the guise of custom, and to turn us into vessels for bearing children!

Without the prison of marriage, we can spend our time, our lives, and our earnings precisely as we wish. This is our life. If I choose to remain unmarried, the nation suffers absolutely no loss.

Janu! Rosie! The root of all your suffering is this very system. A family begins only with marriage. If marriage ceases to exist, the conventional family structure crumbles. Without women, there is no family structure. And that is precisely what terrifies the traditionalists! The entire edifice of the family system rests solely upon marriage. It is sustained entirely by robbing women of their freedom and independence.

Janu! If you truly do not possess the drive to break free from this domestic violence and emotional abuse—which masquerades as marital responsibilities, culture, tradition, and obligations toward relatives and friends—then fine, so be it! But at the very least, fight for equality. Tell him to share all the domestic labor you do. After all, if you weren't around, wouldn't he have to handle all those chores entirely by himself? Demand that when living together under one roof as husband and wife, the household chores must be split. Suggest a weekly rotation—one week for you, and one week for your husband. Tell him to cook. Tell him to wash the clothes. Tell him to sweep the floor. Demand that he bathe and dress the children. And tell him to put an end to his pointless, stray friendships. If he refuses to listen, should you sever ties with your husband for your own space and cooperation? Think it over! How many men cannot survive without a companion? Don't they manage marriage and raise children? To each one of them, I offer my salute!

Janu! The modern perspective that the family system enforces slavery upon women in the name of love will continue as long as this patriarchal family setup exists. We should rejoice that it will eventually shake and collapse.

That was an era when Rama banished a heavily pregnant Sita to the forests, yet their marital life is worshipped as an ideal. Deep within the subconscious mind, those beliefs have become frozen. Enduring violence and humiliation silently, suffering continuously, and tolerating everything has been treated as culture since time immemorial. This dissatisfied devotion is a relic of a past generation’s brutal and feudal continuity, which conflicts with modern democratic values despite intense efforts for revival.

Men wander around arrogantly saying, 'She is my wife, my choice. Who are you to question? Is it any of your business?' In a parallel sphere, women's suffering is barely acknowledged as real misery.

Blindly exhibiting self-sacrifice and the virtues of a devoted wife, waiting endlessly for the master’s return... what happens when one steps out of it? If we lament that progressive values have no place in our homes, is divorce considered an outdated remedy? Is it just so the real truth remains hidden from everyone? This is how the old societal ways were run! Rahuraja became a martyr in the liberation struggles. Today, if someone gets married, why not hand over the care of three-year-old children to a daycare concern? They can easily get a divorce. And if needed, they can marry again.

Janu! Your life is your choice. This single life of mine is a blessing to me. I want no part of the past. This modern life, with its freedom of self-determination, is beautiful. The modern market forces have ultimately changed the course of those 'Manu Smritis' that claimed a woman deserves no independence.

Janu! I will live my life on my own terms... while extending whatever help I can to those around me. Unlike Mirabai, I shall worship no one. I am who I am. My name is Navya. The path I forge today must become a highway for tomorrow. Just mark my words—in the future, even your children will follow in my footsteps.

If your marriage breaks down, do not fret thinking you are all alone. Never forget that for you and Rosie, I am still alive. On that 400-square-yard plot I purchased, let us build a beautiful four-story home for the elderly. We shall provide shelter to those in need. Thus, the three of us will spend the rest of our lives together. Your children will be my children too.

Under these circumstances, as your friend, this is all I can convey to you and Rosie! I shall sign off now.

Yours,
Your childhood friend,
- Navya 

Original published in Janam Sakhi Telugu daily 2025 and as Parishkrutha in Telugu selected short story book 2025