“You are won back by me, after conquering the enemy in the battlefield, my dear lady! That which is to be done through human effort, has been accomplished by me.”

“I have come to the end of my indignation, and my outrage has been completely requited as also the contempt against the enemy have been wiped out, all at once, by me.”

“Now, my manly strength has been seen by all. Today, my toil has borne fruit. Now, I have fulfilled my promise. Today, I am the master of myself.”

“The wrong done to you, when you were deserted from me, in that you were taken away by a fickle-minded demon, which was ordained by destiny, has been corrected by me as a human being.”

“I, wanting for an honor, have done this particular act, which ought to be done by a man, in killing Ravana and thus wiping away the insult meted out to me.”

“Let it be known to you that this endeavor in the shape of war, which has been successful carried through, due to the strength of my friends, was not undertaken for your sake. Let there be prosperity for you! This was done by me in order to keep up my good conduct and to wipe off evil-speaking from all sides as well as the insinuation on my own illustrious dynasty.”

–– Valmiki Ramayana, Yuddha Kanda, Sarga 115

The story of Rama and Sita is universally known, illuminated in every corner. And the most striking point is that their relationship was not only inspirational in their own time or yuga but continues to be a living example in Kaliyuga as well – showing couples how love, devotion, and respect should be. Rama and Sita are indeed each other's counterparts, but among them, the one I admire most is Devi Sita.

I do not see Sita merely as a successful wife but as a complete woman. Even today, when people are asked (both men and women) what an ideal wife should be like, many will answer: “She should be like Sita.” But if someone asks me what an ideal woman should be like – my answer will be: Sita. I am not here to glorify Valmiki or Tulsidas's Ramayana, but rather to focus on what Sita's influence means in the age we live in now.

The yuga in which Sita gave her Agnipariksha and the yuga in which she renounced Ayodhya – the echoes of those acts were so powerful, so impactful, that they still compel us to reflect, especially men. By “men” I mean that it is a challenge for them when a woman proves them wrong and asserts her own dignity. That is not a question mark on the woman's purity or identity, but rather on the men and their mindset – who, under social order or societal pressure, demand proof of a woman's chastity.

In the Ramayana, Sita's stature is so royal, ethereal, and grand that even Rama cannot be compared to her. From Mithila to Ayodhya, her praises are sung. From being Maithili in Mithila to becoming the daughter-in-law of Ayodhya – that was Ayodhya's fortune, indeed. All the queens – Kaushalya, Sumitra, Kaikeyi – loved her deeply, and all her brothers-in-law regarded her as a mother. I call Sita an ideal woman before calling her an ideal wife because for me, Sita is neither weak nor a victim. She is like a warrior – without a battlefield or weapons – who safeguarded her dignity.

“You, with suspicion arising on your character, standing in front of me, are extremely disagreeable to me, even as a light to one, who is suffering from poor eyesight.”

“O Seetha! That is why I am permitting you now. Go wherever you like. All these ten directions are open to you, my dear lady! There is no work to be done to me, by you.”

“Which noble man, born in an illustrious race, will take back a woman who lived in another's abode, with an eager mind?”

“While mentioning greatly about my lineage, how can I accept again, you who were harassed in Ravana's lap (while being borne away by him) and who were seen (by him) with evil looks?”

“You were won by me with that end in view (viz. the retrieval of my lost honor). The honor has been restored by me. For me, there is no intense attachment to you. You may go wherever you like from here.”

“O gracious lady! Therefore, this has been spoken by me today, with a resolved mind. Set your mind on Lakshmana or Bharata, as per your ease.”

“O Seetha! Otherwise, set your mind either on Shatrughna or on Sugriva or on Vibhishan the demon; or according to your own comfort.”

“Seeing you, who are endowed with a beautiful form and attractive to the sense, detained for long in his abode, Ravana could not have endured your separation.”

–– Valmiki Ramayana, Yuddha Kanda, Sarga 115

The Ramayana is familiar to all, as is Rama and Sita's relationship. Rama, the Maryada Purushottam, killed Ravana and brought back his wife. But after that, Rama demanded an Agnipariksha from Sita because she had been held captive by Ravana for ten months. My focus arises here: Did Sita undergo the Agnipariksha convince Rama of her purity? Did her trial by fire mean weakness or submission?

According to Valmiki's Ramayana, when Sita returned, Rama refused to accept her. He even reproached her, saying that he had fulfilled his duty as a man by rescuing his wife, but since she had lived in another man's house for so long, she had become impure. In the Yuddhakanda of Valmiki's Ramayana, it is mentioned that Rama had treated his beloved wife Sita harshly and describes the reason for war only as saving his pride and reputation in the world. He saved her to preserve his dignity and remove the insult Ravana had inflicted upon him. It was only a duty for Rama to save his wife so that the world could not later blame him for failing in his dharma. The abduction of Sita by Ravana and her stay in Lanka for months was humiliation to Rama. When Sita came before him, Rama turned away, wondering how he would be able to save his honor before society. He said to Sita: “You have become impure by living in a demons' place for so long, and now you are free to live anywhere.” He told her that he had fulfilled his dharma by killing Ravana for the benefit of the world. Rama knew Ravana had not touched Sita, but Sita could not escape Ravana's evil eyes and desires.

Sita's kidnapping and living in Lanka among demons was not her fault, but her ordeal proves two things: first, even if the woman is not at fault and something inappropriate happens to her, she is still asked to prove her innocence and chastity. Second, a man - even if he is a Maryada Purushottam himself - can compromise his own relationship but worries about people's opinions. Instead of accepting her, Rama asks her to go with any other man, even Vibhishan. Rama's suspicion and contempt of Sita is proof of how much a woman faces trials and struggles to live in society. She can go to exile with her husband, obeying her dharma, but can be abandoned by him at any time in life.

“O valiant Rama! Why are you speaking such harsh words, which are violent to hear for me, like a common man speaking to a common woman?”

“O the long-armed one! I am not the one in the way you understand me. Have faith in me. I swear to you with my own character.”

“By the conduct of vulgar woman, you distrust the entire race of women. Give up this doubt if I have been actually tested (and found trustworthy) by you.”

“O lord! It was not my willfulness when I came into contact with Ravana. I was helpless. My adverse fate was to blame on that score.”

“My heart, which was subservient to me, was abiding in you. What could I do, helpless as I was, about my limbs which had fallen under the sway of another?”

–– Valmiki Ramayana, Yuddha Kanda, Sarga 116

Therefore, the Agnipariksha was necessary. Then Sita, without bowing down, responds to Rama with complete self-confidence. She asked him: “Why are you speaking harshly and inappropriately to me, just like a normal man to a normal woman? I am not what you imagine me to be; you must trust me, I swear. You doubt the whole sex because of the conduct of some mean women.” Rama's silence here was not an answer but an order for Sita. Well, Sita had to bear the consequences of the crime committed by Ravana. What happened was not an act of submission but an act of resilience, because Sita did not plead with Rama, did not request anything, did not ask for help from anyone, nor did she invoke any deity. The Agnipariksha was in fact Rama's trial – so much so that all the gods themselves appeared to stop it, calling Rama's behavior toward his wife an act of foolishness.

The very fact that the gods manifested to explain this to Rama proves that the Agnipariksha was a challenge for him, posed by Sita. Sita was already pure, but by offering herself to the fire she raised questions about Rama – that he demanded such a test from his wife out of fear of society. That fire, which made Lakshmana weep in anguish for his sister-in-law whom he revered like a mother, could not harm Sita even slightly. Rama rejected her during the Agnipariksha, but Sita's rejection of Rama sounded louder. She stayed in Valmiki's ashram, raised her children by herself, and refused to return to Ayodhya. She questioned the chain in which a man tries to bind a woman. Her decision to return to her mother Earth was a refusal to live in the phallogocentric society where only a man is authoritative.

Such was Sita. She did not give proof of her purity; rather, she targeted the mindset of that age – a mindset that still survives in this Kaliyuga...

References

• Valmiki Ramayana: Yuddha Kanda, Sarga 115
• Valmiki Ramayana: Yuddha Kanda, Sarga 116