Random Thoughts

Republicans, Democrats & Madmoron Singh

 I received an e-mail from god that he had started tweeting. I asked him what attracted him to this new cult?

God – A fellow called Tharoor who was a mere untermensch has achieved fame by tweeting. Even Hoax News anchors are tweeting their way to popularity. My following and popularity are going down. Charity collections are down because of the economy. Even the pope and British royals are wearing less jewelry. I can’t even get a part-time job and my unemployment checks have been stopped by an insanitor named Bumming, so I started tweeting which is a lot less despicable than the Repubican and Demontocrazy strategy.


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Gaurang – Boy, you are more confused than the American electorate though not as much as India’s unelected prime minister. Tharoor is not an untermensch. He is a former UN undersecretary who competed to be the Secretary General but had to settle for a junior minister’s post in New Delhi. He just suffers from an exaggerated sense of self-importance and his tweets have brought him brickbats not bouquets.

As to your popularity and following, they maybe going down in the educated world but they still remain high in America, India, the Islamic world and sundry primitive tribes. It has nothing to do with the economy. It is all the fault of a chap called Darwin not to be confused with Australian cities where the favorite pastime is Indian bashing. Anyway it is about time my dear god that you do an honest day’s work and earn a living instead of manipulating the markets by derivatives. Who do you think you are? You can’t expect Lloyd Blankfein of Goldman Sach’s to do cotton picking slave labor for you. Shame on you for behaving like some of our Virginian founding fathers!

As to the Republicans, they are in worse shape than you. They were marginalized in the White House and the Congress and fell back on nay-saying and filibustering but have been outflanked by the reconciliation rules. Formerly they could shame the Democrats by exposing their Dick Cheney but the Supreme Court has ruled that as obscene. The Court threw them a lifeline by unlimited funding of dummies like George2Bush2 by corporations as free speech but it has not helped. So they consulted the Pakistani ISI which regularly makes fools out of American politicians.

The ISI recommended using the Pakistani terrorist strategy. Every time Pakistani terror outfits like Lashkar-e-Taiba, HUM etc. are labeled as a banned terrorist outfit they change their name to something else like Tehrik-e-Taliban, Ansar-e-Islam or Jaish-e-Mohammed. Then they demand more American aid to suppress their former outfit and eventually the terrorists become the government of Pakistan. America then gives them advanced weapons to fight India whom Pakistan accuses of supporting the Taliban and Baluchi insurgents. A gullible Richard Wholecrook announces that the Taliban were looking for Indians in Kabul to show their love and accidentally shot them with AK47s. Don’t worry says the unelected Indian prime minister MadMoron Singh, I agree with you and believe you special envoy Wholecrook, we will send more money and Indians to face accidentally discharging AK47s.

So the Republicans realized that they had to invent a new outfit name for themselves and now call themselves the Tea Party. To undercut their former choice of leaders like the demented Reagan and the anencephalic Bush Jr., they like the desperate hero of Robert Louis Stevenson’s The Bottle Imp, fortunately found Sarah Palin. The seriously challenged American public shelled out hundreds of dollars a piece to listen to the inane ravings of Palin, who pocketed a hundred thousand dollars as a fee and rejuvenated the Republican party under a new name with the help of more Dicks. And if you thought only Dracula could transform himself to a bat or werewolf in a pinch, you have no idea of the shape shifting (without change in philosophy of sticking it to the common man) capabilities of the Republicans. That is why they passed a fiscally irresponsible Medicare part D drug bill, Fund trillions in wasteful wars off budget and prefer that rich insurance company executives preside on death panels deciding what medical treatments to pay for or deny and look for gays in every closet while fantasizing holding and jangling the keys to the chastity belt constrained entire American woman population. Of course another sure way to be elected as a Senator in America is to pose nude for a magazine. I can’t wait to see all the Playboy bunnies who will throw their undies in the race in the coming primaries.

The Democrats have an amazing ability to fool themselves and are so incompetent or unfazed like Obama that they have found a better method to self-destruct while retaining at least a remnant of their party name. They can’t pass a bill for the public good, despite a thumping majority without overburdening it with pork barrel Christmas goodies for their campaign contributors. They fractionate into blue dog democrats, yellow livered rats or Stup(ak)id brats, just plain crazies or demons, (all retaining at least three letters out of Democrats) Max Bogus, Branch Fink-in and knock out the public option or single payer options, the only ones likely to provide affordable universal health care and curtail the exponential growth in expenditure and mandate sensible rationing while eliminating tens of thousands of dollars worth of treatments for terminal cancer, which increase life span only by weeks with a worsening quality of life.

Now that I had confessed my thoughts, said my piece and the burden was off my chest, I felt better. I know I should not have been so rough on god and chastised him, considering his age and lack of effective treatment for the afflictions of the aged, but I can’t be delusional and unthinking like the American public or the Indian prime minister who is caught between the threats of Obama and Osama. Most politicians are principled like Patrick Henry who boldly proclaimed “Give me liberty or give me death, but I need my slaves. I am weak, I cannot survive comfortably without their labor” or like the church prelate who said, “I am benevolent to all mankind” as he molested a minor parishioner. So my dear fellow Americans, next time vote as though your life depends on it, not Democrat, Republican or Tea Party. Vote for independents as long as they are not named Lieberman.


More by :  Gaurang Bhatt, MD

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