Random Thoughts

New Toys: Roach Motel & Manmohan Singh & Reagan Dolls

I had been getting my cataracts fixed and was restricted in reading and writing, so I spent a lot of time on the phone. My local phone company advertised universal access, so I dialed God to catch up on gossip and technology.

“Hi, I said to god, haven’t seen you on the golf course lately”.

He replied, “The economy is bad and I lost a good deal of my endorsement income. So what with feeding the kids and buying mink coats for all my gopis (girlfriends), there is a shortage of cash. I am tired of being nagged by prayers for financial help and some calls from bill collectors, so I changed my name to Kris and moved to Utah. People don’t embarrass you with stares when you take a stroll with 16108 women”.

“Whazzup” I asked.

God– The Pentagon is hooked on a new war game called Roach Motel. They say that they check in but can’t check out. They began the game with Mexico when they took over Texas and the Southwest. They played it in Colombia and checked into Panama. They played in Hawaii and can’t check out. Then in the Spanish American War they checked into Guam, Puerto Rico, Cuba, Philippines and can’t check out. They played it in WW2 and can’t check out of Germany and Japan. Then the same thing happened in Korea during the Korean War. It happened again in Vietnam but they were rescued by the Vietnamese. Now it is happening in Iraq and Afghanistan and the Pentagon is worried that it will happen in Iran, Somalia, Yemen and Pakistan, so they asked me for help.

I ordered Obama to make more models of “W”s Manmohan Singh Doll and gift China’s Hu and Pakistan’s Zardari their own model. The latter is the best percentage player and now if any of the three are frustrated or have a bout of aggression they can beat up and kick the doll and it will roll over, apologize and ask for forgiveness while willing to obey the next order. The problem is that Zardari was bullied by Kiyani of the army who took the doll for the ISI, which gave it to the Taliban. That is why when the US threatened a truce and dialogue, it threw the Taliban into a rage. Since they are forbidden to tear off any of their hair, they took it out on sundry Sikhs in the tribal regions and Indians in Kabul. Undaunted Manmohan Singh praised the Indian sacrificial lambs and vowed to send more of them and extra money to Afghanistan as aid instead of spending it on more and better arms, which are needed badly.

Since a tired and bleeding America is desperately seeking a way out of the messy wars, Manmohan Singh agreed to truce and power sharing with the Taliban in Afghanistan despite their asylum to Al Qaeda, sundry Lashkar fanatics, Indian Airline plane hijackers, training insurgents to attack India in Kashmir, Mumbai, Jaipur, Ahmedabad, Bangalore, Pune, and the parliament in Delhi. Manmohan Singh felt that it was his duty to provide redress for past injustices and wanted to compensate the Muslims for having lost Andalusia and India. Since he is so deep into Italian history, he saw the unfairness of the Romans having thrown the Christians to the lions. To balance that and the crusaders injustice to the Muslims a thousand years ago and under Bush, he decided to throw the lions (Sikhs named Singhs) to the Muslims and restart peace talks with the Pakistanis.

He is a real genius. When he was given an honorary degree by a prestigious British University, he praised the British for the cultural blessings of colonizing India. I wonder whether he has thanked the Congress for the massacres of Sikhs in Delhi after the assassination of Indira Gandhi. He doesn’t understand why China behaves so aggressively despite his constant appeasement of it. He doesn’t understand that America wants a face saving exit from Afghanistan and will make peace with the devil for an honorable withdrawal as it did before in Vietnam. Any Taliban power sharing in Afghanistan will provide Pakistan strategic depth and a safe western border, allowing it to shift its military assets to harass India and increase terrorism in India while claiming neither knowledge nor responsibility.

In the meantime he and his cabinet and government continue fiscal irresponsibility by pushing up the national debt above the nation’s GDP and pushing India down the slippery slope of bankruptcy and debt trap like his master Obama who holds him by the second leash. Mr. White of the Bank Of International Settlements (the central bank of all central banks) at the 75th anniversary of the Indian Reserve Bank commented that the world is at a fork in the road. One path leads to a stalled economy with deflation, the other to reflation galloping to hyperinflation. Both forks eventually meet up to lead to nations reneging their debts in bankruptcy like Iceland, Latvia, Lithuania, Ukraine and Greece, but spreading to Portugal, Italy, Ireland, Belgium, Spain and eventually the UK, USA and even Japan (by demographics).

Finally the Republicans now have a party doll that resembles a demented Reagan but when tickled speaks in the voice of Nancy Reagan “Just say NO”.

At that point I woke up screaming from my dream awakened by yet another meeting by Obama with the Republicans about healthcare and jobs. That guy is a do nothing blabbermouth without any firm positions or principles. His love fest with the Republicans is a rerun of the tragedy of Narcissus and the nymph Echo, but this time as a farce. 


More by :  Gaurang Bhatt, MD

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