Random Thoughts

How I Discovered A New Species

A generally accepted theory of the origin of a new species from prior ancestral species is the separation of a portion of the individuals from the old species by a geographical barrier that creates an altered environment or reproductive isolation, and to different mutations over time leading to divergence of evolution and ultimately reproductive mating incompatibility. Many years ago, in medical school in India, I studied parasitic hookworms which inhabit the small intestine of humans and survive by sucking the host’s blood. The two major species of hookworms are Ankylostoma duodenale, commoner in India andNecator americanus, native to the American south. Since I live in the US and have plenty of time , I decided to research the American blood sucking worm.

Some years ago, I read about check cashing outlets which cater to the poor who don’t have bank accounts. Similar entities flourish around military bases and prey upon our military personnel. A similar scam is used by prominent national income tax form filling franchises to advance refunds while accepting assignment. A standard example is to advance cash of 255 dollars on a 300 dollar paycheck or tax refund lien, by charging a 45 dollar fee. The tax refund or paycheck becomes available to these loan shark entities usually within ten business days or two weeks time. Thus they collect a 45 dollar interest on 255 dollars for a two week loan period. This calculates to an annual percentage rate greater than 450%. Such business entities cause ruin by debt and deprivation, of the poor, ignorant, desperate and uneducated, but by their increased presence around US military bases prey on the blood of our young soldiers, sailors and airmen, who risk their lives to keep us and our country safe.

Concerned senior military officers became aware of the debt traps that naive youngsters were falling into and appealed to the congress to enact a usury law. The scum buckets of the US congress beholden to campaign donations from finance companies passed a law in 2006 putting a cap of 36% on such loans and delayed the law taking effect till 2007. They were not satisfied with sending our men and women to death on hazardous wars to enrich themselves and their cronies further, but also wanted access to their blood while the military personnel were stationed on bases at home. The senators used similar tricks for credit card interests on the general public by delaying the interest rate law and giving time for the credit card bank companies to increase interest rates before the law became effective in 2010. They refused to cap the interest rate charged to non-military users while endorsing the Federal Reserve’s loan rate to the banks of zero to 0.25%. Similar free handouts to AIG, investment banks and other campaign donors while doing little or nothing to help homeowners with mortgages larger than sinking home values and obstinate and mean opposition to a public option in a healthcare plan convinced me that I had discovered hitherto unknown bloodsuckers.

I discovered in my epidemiologic studies that these horrible creatures were not restricted to one state or region but founds in all states and prominently in Connecticut, Iowa, Kentucky, Nebraska and Montana. I have unconfirmed reports that they cannot be mated with Necator americanus. In fact I vaguely remember someone telling me that an attempt to mate Necator with this new creepy, crawly, slithering bloodsucker resulted in Necator americanus committing suicide out of shame rather than mating. Since it is the privilege of the founder to name the new species, I will exercise my privilege and christen the new species Senator americanus.

In investigating why the new species arose, I attribute it to the geographic separation by Washington DC from the rest of America by the beltway and the crowded incarceration of the Senators in the Capitol cloaca with constant intimate contact with fecal material like lobbyists, leading to differential mutation and evolution. Their descent lower down into the colon of the country altered their life cycle. They cause an irritable itch in the posterior of their hosts ever few years by their burr like output which is foolishly swallowed by the ignorant and unthinking public, leading to their periodic rejuvenation molting by the worms Senator americanus to give them a new lease on life to continue their bloodsucking of the public.   


More by :  Gaurang Bhatt, MD

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